To be really confused and ‘meh’ by these gifts

[Postyisalwaystired]

I know this sounds spoilt. It’s more that I’m confused more than anything. Bought my mum a lovely necklace, her favourite chocolates and fudge, a key ring from my DS and lots of other personalised things. I was given a small foot stool (?), a throw for my sofa and a wax melt burner. I feel a bit gutted as my sister got a brand new camera plus lots of other nice bits. I just feel like no thought went into the gifts for me? I’m 26... these gifts seem a bit odd. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, just confused

Some people are good at picking presents. And some aren't. It doesn't mean thay they don't care about you. They just don't pick well.

They sound lovely gifts to me .

What is with all these ungrateful threads about gifts!! Those gifts sound lovely to me btw.

This is what a dislike about Christmas, it seems to be all about the gifts and nothing else. There are some people who have no family/friends and get no gifts - stop being so entitled!

They sound nice gifts to me but I'm not 26!

If it's a pattern of her putting more money and thought into your sister's gifts then YANBU, and tell her.

Me and my mum openly tell each other when we're annoyed and squabble a bit but it's much healthier than bottling things up.

She does tell me I'm sharper than my siblings and yet it's with me that she stays with, not them.

Stuff for the house is shit, sorry. I don’t equate being an adult with not being bothered about presents-half of mn must be very child-like if that’s true. Next time, OP, tell her what you want.

I didn't realise footstools were so controversial - I love mine, but I've reupholstered it in nice fabric, and use it more like a little side table to keep a drink, iPad or book on so I can reach it while I lounge around on the sofa.

@gofg

What is with all these ungrateful threads about gifts!! Those gifts sound lovely to me btw.

This is what a dislike about Christmas, it seems to be all about the gifts and nothing else. There are some people who have no family/friends and get no gifts - stop being so entitled!

Does that mean when I'm buying someone a gift I shouldn't worry about if they'll like it or not because it only matters they got something?

"I didn't realise footstools were so controversial"

I don't think there is anything wrong with footstools per se and they can look so stylish when bought with a stylish armchair in a set or as a statement peace to compliment existing decor etc It is just an odd gift to someone unless specifically requested and I'm imagining op's footstool is the type that wouldn't be out of place in a care home.

piece* not peace!

I would love all of those gifts but then I'm 60 years old. At your age I would have thought - WHAT????

I think once you're an adult you have to switch to "it's the thought that counts," honestly- on the basis that you're old enough and ugly enough to get yourself whatever you want. Anyone who sends you a present is being lovely, actually.

There was a post on here by a sixty-year-old complaining about her gift. I felt a bit embarrassed for her!

My mother buys me knickers every Christmas. Thrilling gift? No. But it's handy tbh, as I never have time to go shopping for stuff like that.

If it's a pattern of her putting more money and thought into your sister's gifts then YANBU, and tell her.

I don't see how you could possibly raise this without sounding pathetic.

@PlanktonsComputerWife

I think once you're an adult you have to switch to "it's the thought that counts," honestly- on the basis that you're old enough and ugly enough to get yourself whatever you want. Anyone who sends you a present is being lovely, actually.

There was a post on here by a sixty-year-old complaining about her gift. I felt a bit embarrassed for her!

My mother buys me knickers every Christmas. Thrilling gift? No. But it's handy tbh, as I never have time to go shopping for stuff like that.

I don't agree. I might be "old enough and ugly enough" but I don't have a lot of spare money. If someone bought me a footstool and a wax burner that I don't want/need/have space for that would be a waste of their money which could have been spent on an air fryer which is something I do want (but can't afford).

I love this threads.
I think the gifts sound great.
Plenty of people post on here saying they prefer practical gifts.
A camera is quite a niche gift. How many people actually use cameras nowadays?

I absolutely love things for the house!! I wouldn’t be offended by this. I would be genuinely thrilled to receive a throw, much better than something personal which is usually completely off the mark - the only personal gifts I like are those I have sent links to to DP to buy haha. It probably just means that she knows you have great taste and knows that something nice for the house would be better and more likely to be liked!

But that is a way of looking at presents that is going to lead to disappointment.

An air dryer would be a "nice to have" but the odds of a relative guessing out of the blue that you wanted one must be a million to one! And issuing demands is only cute till the age of about seven.

Your gifts sound nice. You gave her sweets and a keyring

Maybe do a list next year. It's really hard to know what presents to get if you don't live with someone, and even then it's hard. Eg. I'm really fussy with jewelry and wouldn't like anything personalized. I don't like makeup or perfume. I have a particular hobby but no-one would know exactly what to buy me.

@PlanktonsComputerWife

But that is a way of looking at presents that is going to lead to disappointment.

An air dryer would be a "nice to have" but the odds of a relative guessing out of the blue that you wanted one must be a million to one! And issuing demands is only cute till the age of about seven.

Not really. As previously said my mum knows me so well she always picks things I want/love. If she's in any doubt she asks for ideas. I wouldn't expect anyone to guess"out of the blue" that i wanted one, my family know me and its come up with conversation that I'm planning to save for one (my dad always gives money so I might be able to afford it after I've seen him, if not I'll wait until my birthday)

I've never "demanded" anything specific in my life!

I think it's usual once you have DC that some of "your" gift spend goes to DC.

My Dsis was single for a long time after I had DC. My parents are very generous with all of us, but DSis would get more than I did personally. Although my family probably got more overall, DSis would still get a "main" present (like a camera) whereas for my household, that would go to DC and DH and I would get more "normal" gifts .

I think she has gone along the lines of - you are a busy mum - I will get her a throw so she can have a snuggle on the sofa, put her feet up etc. I agree though it's a bit odd. Can you make a joke of it 'Mum I'm 26 not 76' Next year can you hint that you want more of a personal treat?

Have you moved to a new home this year or plan to in the coming year?

@PizzaCrust

I’m a similar age to you and have young DC. There’s no way my mum would buy me a bloody foot stool.

Just because you have kids doesn’t mean every aspect of your life now revolves around them and your home. My mum usually lets me pick some clothes etc because sometimes having kids money doesn’t stretch to a shopping spree for yourself- ie gifts that are a treat for me. Unless I specifically asked for something for the house, she just wouldn’t.

YANBU. I hope someone else got you some more personal gifts that are suited to you and not just your role as a mum/stereotypical housewife figure.

I don't understand this "gifts for the house" vs "gifts for you" idea. I mean, it is the OP's house so things that make it more homely and comfortable are gifts for her aren't they?

I love my house. I like to make it comfortable and beautiful, it is my haven. It's my house so having lovely things in it that make me happy is important to me. All of the things I own are kept in my house so I'm struggling to understand the distinction being made by you and many other PP? A lot of people have commented on this and I still can't fathom it so I am sure it is me that is missing something!

Is it just that people mean appropriate presents in their view are things you wear on your actual body like jewellery, perfume and clothes, rather than things kept elsewhere in your house? But then a camera isn't a personal item in that way. My camera and my furniture and throws are all equally my possessions so I don't get how one can be a present and not another. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry but I am baffled. I would think the majority of presents people exchange won't be things they wear, especially as those things are almost impossible to choose well for people who have very specific tastes.

Did the OP ever come back to the thread to reflect on the highly personalised gifts of chocolate and a keyring that she got her Mum?

@AliceWo

I didn't realise footstools were so controversial - I love mine, but I've reupholstered it in nice fabric, and use it more like a little side table to keep a drink, iPad or book on so I can reach it while I lounge around on the sofa.

I bought myself a storage one. I also use it as a table, but I love having my feet up on it too. I'm in my 40s.