Why are so many parents/children upset today regarding presents?

[Joinedforthis2021]

Quite a few threads already about parents being upset with the reaction of their children when opening presents.

Im intrigued what the root cause of this is?

Society pressures?

Parents wanting to go the extra mile on trying to make it extra special?

Please just remember it's one day.. Aslobg as we have good health..what does it matter? Please don't stress and try and enjoy the day.

At one point dd2 thought her main presents from us was a small poppet key ring from Claire’s (cost £2) and was super grateful. Her main gift was a refurbished iPhone so she was off the scale excited but I know there will be strops later as she’ll struggle to put it down. I don’t know what the answer is. My dc have never gone on and on at me in a shop to buy them something. I do think it’s partially a personality thing and partially taught. I think it’s good he saw you upset. Enjoy the rest of your day op xx

I really can’t believe how much children get at Christmas now and seem to be spoilt with days out etc prior to it.

Some kids are so entitled and then will grow up that way. Ido not think this is good. I also be one the plastic tat and packaging that pollutes the planet. They won’t have a world to grow up in soon. Very sad.

I think people forget how very overwhelming it can be and how much excitement and anticipation there is in the lead up to Christmas and that's why children can seem ungrateful (they're not horrid children they are just overwhelmed and exhausted). My children haven't had Disney reactions to all of their presents but I know that they will go back and really see what they have later when the excitement has died down abit. The 2 year old still has a huge pile to open because it all got too much for her too.

Maybe they feel awkward and overwhelmed. It can be hard being watched for a reaction.

Also the smaller presents seem to have been the bigger hits a Peppa pig memory game and horse top trumps from the stockings are the favourites among my 2 this year.

I don't want to sound like a dinosaur spouting clichés but I think children are very spoilt nowadays yet have much worse lives in so may ways. They can't play out independently...they're often stuck inside, more so because of covid so parents feel like they need to keep them happy with material things. It's a sad way of life.

I’m secretly pissed off about my presents 😬 but I can only say so on here, in front of my kids I act grateful because that’s how I want them to be with their gifts especially from family/friends.

My mum got me a loads of rubbish, the opposite to what I asked for and one item (a book) was one I already have, the rest was mainly food items that I don’t really like. My mum called shortly after I opened them and I had to say thank you and tell her how much I loved the gifts.

My dc have never complained once about any gift they have been given even if it’s something they don’t really like (both are picky with clothes, food etc..).

I do think expectations are too high and kids are bought way too much for Christmas (I’m guilty of this too), it’s better just to buy one or 2 items you know they will love rather than sacks full of gifts that they may not really want.

My DD is only 20mths so we don't have to worry about her being ungrateful but it was a surprise that she knew the word 'presents'. As soon as she heard it, she legged it downstairs.
So far she's only opened 4 gifts as she's played at length with each one. So far she's had a bag of mega bloks, a percussion set and a couple of jigsaws.

I hate to say it but it could be a covid effect. People feeling more pressure after a crappy couple of years. Pressure to get the perfect gift so if it’s not perfect it’s wrong.

i think its a mix of too much expectation and lack of teaching manners...

Some kids (and adults) do have MH issues or Autism/ADHD that can make them 'act out' because they can't mask though, and not all will be diagnosed as it can be easy to miss.

DS has ASD/ADHD and i have to remind people that his reaction to gifts isn't going to be gushing gratefulness, and just to leave him too it when he goes 'is that it' or suchlike... of course i talk to him about manners, but Christmas day is very stressful for him, so i've learned to let him do what he wants, and not take anything negative to heart.

I think sometimes as parents we're pretty bad in having these expectation of their gratefullness reflecting the work we put in, and we forget they're children, with childs emotions.

Adults though? That kind of ungrateful behaviour can get in the bin.

My ds is thrilled.

17yo and autistic so really not easy to buy for as he only really likes what he likes.

However I've also broken all Mn rules this Christmas

He still has his cabin bed he's had since 8! He hates changing things because he struggles with change. I really would like him to try and have a more adult room and know think he'd be more comfortable.

So over the past few years we've got an adult desk, new curtains, new computer chair etc. this year I got him a voucher for a bed to finish his room, some music/light speakers and some led lights for his room. He's actually really pleased - bed already chosen and ordered (actually the one I thought he'd like and is best!), speakers set up and some lights up.

He also got some hats, trainers and new bedding, new throw. Also some new towels to match the new colour scheme of his room he's started to build the last few years and will be complete now he has his new bed coming!

I have no idea why some get so upset but I think media etc has a big part to play. They build up this whole idea you get what you want as long as you're good - and life simply just doesn't work like that.

@Joinedforthis2021

Quite a few threads already about parents being upset with the reaction of their children when opening presents.

Im intrigued what the root cause of this is?

Society pressures?

Parents wanting to go the extra mile on trying to make it extra special?

Please just remember it's one day.. Aslobg as we have good health..what does it matter? Please don't stress and try and enjoy the day.

Because it’s not usually ‘just one day’ if your partner has bought you a disgustingly thoughtless present.

It usually comes part and parcel with the woman organising a lovely Christmas, sorting out the children, buying thoughtful presents AND looking after the entire family’s wants and whims all year round…

Then the person who apparently loves them does not use this opportunity to make them feel special and loved. No asking friends what they’d like? No asking for a list? Just nothing or something shit from the supermarket. Because they don’t care. Not because they are biologically bad at presents or anything- they just could not give a shit and knows she isn’t going anywhere.

So yeah- I wouldn’t be enjoying the day if I had that thrown in my face and it’s dismissive to say otherwise.

DS had a main present (Xbox) and that was it, then he had cash from everyone else (he's 11). I've long given up buying for the sake of buying ie stocking filler crap, it's a waste of money because everything breaks and ends up in landfill. He's completely grateful with what he's had and knows if he wants anything else then he can choose to buy it with his Christmas money. He also understands that as a single parent I may not have as much to spend as families with two parents around.

I don't understand the emphasis people put on presents to be honest, they're meant to be just a bit of an extra bonus to the day as opposed to being the main event of the day surely? Most of the family decide not to do presents for adults any more anyway, there's only so many times the same bath set can be passed around from person to person anyway

I think it’s all a bit too much. My 5yo has been in tears this morning because one of her main presents from Santa hasn’t got the right batteries so she can’t play with it. I think so much is hyped up, they don’t sleep well and it all feels a bit much. I’m overtired and my in-laws are annoying me. I feel like I’m running round trying to please everyone and no-one ever thinks about what I would like. I have to say I preferred lockdown Christmas with just us last year. It was much less stressful and less work. I never thought I would say that as I was so disappointed but I do think there is an element of less is more.

I imagine people who are having marvellous Christmases with rosey cheeked grateful children aren’t posting on mumsnet about it…

I was often given dolls which I didn’t like but I never complained. The best gift I ever got was an archery set. I did knock myself out falling down the stairs whilst playing Robin Hood though . DS has never complained, I suppose he has always received what he has asked for. Plus here it’s very much get up, eat chocolate for breakfast if you like. If we eat at 1pm or 3pm I don’t mind, it varies wildly. I remember going to a boyfriends house when I was at University and his parents were so stressed. They served everything up in to big serving bowls and wanted dinner at a very specific time so they could watch the Queen at 3pm. The Dad was livid that the turkey wasn’t hot enough, the present opening was done with pomp and ceremony. It was ridiculous amounts of self imposed pressure.

Only have one child DS17 he decided that we wouldn’t do Christmas this year ie decorations and big present opening ritual. He recently split up with his girlfriend so “isn’t feeling it”. Although he helped her do last minute Christmas shopping yesterday.
After last year, when we really enjoyed a low key Christmas we decided that rather than buying loads of unwanted pointless rubbish we would buy gifts when they were needed or when we saw something we liked.
I have gin & jewellery, DH has AirPods and towels ( his request) and DS a set of weights. Some items have been in use for a month or so but it has taken the stress out of Christmas Day. We can enjoy the time together without arguments re gifts. No disappointment or resentment.
DS was 17 in September so part of his birthday/Christmas present are driving lessons and eventually the use of a car. Still waiting for his provisional licence though curtesy of Covid.

My kids have literally had 2 presents each, plus a stocking (which is carefully chosen but pretty functional - a book and a mug and some socks, plus sweets). I was really worried as it didn't look much but they've all been happy in their low-key sort of way. We don't really do thrilled in this house, but excited and grateful

I feel a bit overwhelmed by the presents from DH and kids, they are all very lovely but I ended up with the most out of everyone. I think it'll even up when we go to see grandma later.

@itsgettingwierd

My ds is thrilled.

17yo and autistic so really not easy to buy for as he only really likes what he likes.

However I've also broken all Mn rules this Christmas

He still has his cabin bed he's had since 8! He hates changing things because he struggles with change. I really would like him to try and have a more adult room and know think he'd be more comfortable.

So over the past few years we've got an adult desk, new curtains, new computer chair etc. this year I got him a voucher for a bed to finish his room, some music/light speakers and some led lights for his room. He's actually really pleased - bed already chosen and ordered (actually the one I thought he'd like and is best!), speakers set up and some lights up.

He also got some hats, trainers and new bedding, new throw. Also some new towels to match the new colour scheme of his room he's started to build the last few years and will be complete now he has his new bed coming!

I have no idea why some get so upset but I think media etc has a big part to play. They build up this whole idea you get what you want as long as you're good - and life simply just doesn't work like that.

Your household sounds like mine. I have 2 teen DD’s with ASD, I buy the same kind of gifts each year, dd2 asks for lego every year and anything linked to her obsessions so she’s pretty easy to buy for, stocking are mainly fidget toys, blu tac and a calculator (one of her obsessions).

Clothes for Dd1 have to be quite specific (she’s into pokemon and always has been and doesn’t do girly stuff), she likes cuddly toys so gets one every year as well as the latest Pokemon game for her switch.

Never have either of them complained about a gift, there was one year when dd2 was 2/3 when we accidentally only bought 2 toys from a set of 3 and there was a meltdown because she didn’t have the full set, we had to go out as soon as shops were open to buy the 3rd 😬

Mumsnet staple innit, Christmas is competitive misery and made up stories of woe

GS who lives with me is happy with his and to be fair they weren't very exciting as he mainly wanted money in his bank account so the few little bits were just so he'd have something to open.

DH I bought something I knew he'd been thinking about and he was pleased but is now stressed out with the instructions. I guess things get harder to work out when you are mid 70s but I've helped him and I think it is OK.

I'm very happy with mine, posh sellies, chocolates I like, vouchers for places I like. All good.

I hope everyone is having a good day and the disappointments are resolved.

Posh smellies not sellies.

There was a thread recently about how vital it is for everyone to spend Christmas Day altogether and a husband was getting lambasted for wanting to go for a run for an hour or two.

I think this pressure of everyone being together all day and enjoying the perfect Christmas with perfect presents can cause a lot of disappointment when the reality is actually over-excited, over-tired children, and tired and stressed parents.

There's so much pressure from TV and social media to have the picture perfect Christmas and when the reality inevitably falls short (because everyone is tired and in need of a breather) people get upset and that's when the fights and disappoint kick in.

Children’s perceptions are weird. I think mine watch lots of American tv therefore our 4 bed detached home looks tiny in comparison hence my dc think we’re poor. We’re not millionaires but comfortable. We drive old cars (were new when we got them but 10 years on they’re still good) and aren’t flash with money other than travel (which we’ve not done due to covid). Dd was asking for an “expensive” dress really politely… it was £11 in new look
It’s hard to get into their minds.