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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Xmas gift from DH

64 replies

PineappleRisotto · 25/12/2021 03:40

It's totally rubbish. Exchanged gifts Xmas Eve over dinner with our two daughters as they are off to their in-laws tomorrow, as it's the in-laws turn for xmas day. No problem with that. In fact it's good because it lets me off the hook and we can be a bit quiet and peaceful Xmas day which suits us both nicely.

Everyone's present was well thought out, and well received.
Mine was {I hope} well received but fuck me it's hideous. Keerist knows what he was thinking!

He knows I like handbags. Not necessarily very expensive bags. Just bags I see, that I like. Mid-range priced bags that are either unusual or fit into my colour palette, if you like:}

He's bought me a black plastic monstrosity!! Very cheap but not even cheerful!! He is convinced now {because of my acting skills} that he's pulled it off in getting something totally impressive. I mean, how misguided can he be!!??

That's not the problem though. He's done this many times in our 30+ years of marriage. What is worrying me is a recent thread that somebody asked, and I paraphrase "Does your husband have to ask what you want for xmas?" Well, yes, because otherwise he won't have a fucking clue. I wish he 'would' ask because then I might get a present that I actually want. The premise of the post was that if your husband loves you enough he'll be on your case 24/7 round the shops to make sure he knows what you want and he won't have to ask. That he is so in tune with your needs and wants and persona that he'll do these lovely things for you and can anticipate your every whim. And you will always get the most perfect gift! This can only happen if he loves you very very much.

If that's what makes a marriage, then me and dh are entirely finished and fucked and our marriage is worthless. Sod all the times he looked after the kids while I went away for weekends with my mates. Bugger the nightime feeds we always shared, even though he was working the next day.

Nope. t's the really crap presents that will finish us off. This ugly black plastic handbag is the end of us.

OP posts:
SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree · 25/12/2021 03:44

Sorry you're disappointed OP. Did you get to the point in that thread where the OP admitted she only got married last week though?

PineappleRisotto · 25/12/2021 03:59

Sorry you're disappointed OP. Did you get to the point in that thread where the OP admitted she only got married last week though?

Ah, right. Them old rose tinted spectacles:}

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 25/12/2021 04:03

Could you say you have enough black bags so please could you change it for a colour you need?

whatausername · 25/12/2021 04:05

@SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree

Sorry you're disappointed OP. Did you get to the point in that thread where the OP admitted she only got married last week though?
😂😂😂

@PineappleRisotto can you return it? Any chance you can say before next Christmas, "your presents are a kind but sucky attempt, would you like some pointers?" But diplomatically and all.

DontBlameMe79 · 25/12/2021 04:06

Am I the only one not to give a toss about presents? More junk usually. Unnecessary stress, I’m happy not to receive them and don’t have a lot of enthusiasm for buying them.

PineappleRisotto · 25/12/2021 04:20

can you return it? Any chance you can say before next Christmas, "your presents are a kind but sucky attempt, would you like some pointers?" But diplomatically and all

Probably ordered from amazon and downwards of 30 quid. It'll stay in a cupboard for 12 months then find its way to a charity shop.
We've actually agreed to limit presents to 30 quid or under because neither of us need anything. I'd genuinely like that 30 quid to have gone to crisis at christmas or something. Perhaps that's the way to go.

It's not really a big issue, I was just wondering why, if he loves me so much. he gets me really crap presents. Because others on here have husbands who can read their innermost thoughts.

Mine can't, and I think that's probably a good thing.

OP posts:
countrygirl99 · 25/12/2021 04:20

DH and I have got passed presents. We are old and financially stable enough to be able to buy ourselves the stuff we want and tbh we aren't really into things and what we want is usually hobby related and the other wouldn't have a clue. Instead we go to a nicer than usual restaurant or have a weekend away. So much less hassle.

PineappleRisotto · 25/12/2021 04:22

Am I the only one not to give a toss about presents? More junk usually. Unnecessary stress, I’m happy not to receive them and don’t have a lot of enthusiasm for buying them

Yep. That would be my ideal.

OP posts:
StruggleStreet · 25/12/2021 04:29

Aw OP, how disappointing. If I didn’t tell my husband exactly what I wanted, and vice versa. we would probably get each other some pretty lame gifts though. It’s hard to get it right all the time. Nice that he tried though and it says nothing at all about your relationship that he doesn’t share your good taste in handbags. I think continue to pretend you love it to spare his feelings, have a lovely Christmas just the two of you, and next year tell him what you want or drop some very strong hints.

Lunaballoon · 25/12/2021 04:33

@DontBlameMe79

Am I the only one not to give a toss about presents? More junk usually. Unnecessary stress, I’m happy not to receive them and don’t have a lot of enthusiasm for buying them.
You’re not the only one DontBlameMe79. My DH and I have done the same for a while now. We’d rather treat ourselves randomly than feel obliged to have a present to open on Xmas day.
autieok · 25/12/2021 04:34

We tell each other what we want! No nasty surprises then. A couple of months before we will each make suggestions . Oh usually gets what I ask for plus a few extras to open. It sounds like he tried, he thought you would like a handbag (which was right) he just probably thinks a handbag is a handbag and that's that. I would say "it's lovely but not my style , do you mind if I change it" I would prefer some one to tell me and get the gift they want.

PineappleRisotto · 25/12/2021 04:35

DH and I have got passed presents. We are old and financially stable enough to be able to buy ourselves the stuff we want and tbh we aren't really into things and what we want is usually hobby related and the other wouldn't have a clue. Instead we go to a nicer than usual restaurant or have a weekend away. So much less hassle

Yes, that's where we are too. But we have two daughters who come xmas eve and we traditionally exchange presents. So we indulge them.
I got an ugly black plastic handbag,, and dh got a golf voucher from me. He was made up!! My handbag will go in a drawer till he's forgotten about it then charity shop.

Over the years, we have managed to make a max 30 pound per person rule, so that does help a bit. In our young kids heyday, we could spend a grand on presents for family, and extended family. Now we are older, it never exceeds a couple of hundred. Saved up over the year.
Don't send xmas cards either!!

OP posts:
Drivingish · 25/12/2021 04:42

If he still makes you feel like he cares with the day to day stuff like sharing nighttime feeds like you put in your post I'd try to see the funny side and give him a break. Some people just are not good at gifts.

If the rest of the year he's thoughtful and kind I'd rather have that tbh, maybe steer him towards buying presents together or name a shop/brand where he won't possibly be able to buy something 'bad' for next year? If he does black plastic handbags but also would go out of his way to look out for you any random day, your marriage sounds fine to me, if not then no gifts in the world will help.

PineappleRisotto · 25/12/2021 04:54

I think continue to pretend you love it to spare his feelings

I know. I have. And I will continue to do so. He thinks he's done so good. getting a small cross body bag that will fit my phone and purse in, which is what would be useful.

It will fit neither my phone nor purse in. It's too tiny. It's not only black plastic, but it won't do the job. I can't use it for anything. My purse and phone won't fit in it. I can't go out shopping without my purse and ideally, my phone. I have many bags that will do that job, so why buy me one that won't!!??

As I said before. Drawer for a few months, then charity shop.

I'm not cross with him, of course not.
But I am, just a bit. He has degrees in Maths and Physics.
I left school when I was 15. I can see it's too bloody small for a phone and a purse.

OP posts:
OmgIThinkILikeYou · 25/12/2021 05:37

Lol if your fucked over a shit gift god only knows what me and dp are as we do no gifts 🤣

But like you, my dp is bloody fantastic in every other way so hopefully we can cling on for a few more years without giving each other perfect Xmas gifts

HollowTalk · 25/12/2021 05:44

Can't your daughters tell him what you'd like? What about an Amazon wish list?

Rainydayss · 25/12/2021 05:53

Next year ask your daughters to help him pick a gift. Just exchange it, no big issue. It's annoying yes but some men are just not good at gifts.
It's really not worth ruining you day, they'll be posts on here later today of the DH who haven't bought one at all or done an Alan Richman Love Actually or drunk and abusive.

ShinyHappyPoster · 25/12/2021 05:59

I don't think present buying necessarily = love. Lots of abusive guys shower their wives and gfs with expensive 'perfect' gifts. If you can see some sort of attempt to get you something you'd like then I think your relationship is OK ie it kept to the budget you'd agreed; it wasn't picked up at the garage at the last minute; you can see there has been some thought ie you like bags.
My DH went through a spell of buying me very sparkly tacky-looking jewellery. It wasn't cheap and I'm a bit of a magpie in that I do tend to go 'ooh pretty!' at sparkly things. He hadn't realised that there was a difference between items that would catch my attention and items I'd wear. Once I realised why he was getting it so wrong, I just explained what I did like.

itspartytime · 25/12/2021 06:03

Can you set up a new joint Amazon account and then save items in a list in there that you like -set him up a list too - that way you both might get what you actually like next time ?
Happy Christmas !

Gretaburley · 25/12/2021 06:07

Why not tell him after Christmas?
Bring polite means this will carry on.
My dh got me a really crap watch one year (no financial reason).
I told him that I was disappointed.
He puts much more effort in since and it’s not because he knows my inner thoughts, it’s because he now asks what I would like.

EmmasMum12 · 25/12/2021 06:13

If he has form for buying duff presents why not let your daughters guide him next time? Why didn't they guide him this time?

If the limit is £30 and your daughters won't help, ask for him to do the Crisis giving - £29.06 (this year)

I'd say your marriage is over if his crap gift giving is the tip of the very big rubbish marriage ice berg

If he's just crap at gifts, then find a way round it (daughters, charity) and move on

Blossomsbloom · 25/12/2021 06:14

We gave up gifts years ago but no children so easier in that sense. It was always such a painful experience 😂 we started booking a weekend away or a day out and a nice meal and it's so much more relaxing. If we want something we just buy it for ourselves. I must admit though I would like something to open occasionally but it's not worth the stress!

Yuledo · 25/12/2021 06:16

That’s why dh has never been allowed to buy me presents since that first memorable Xmas.

Bellafrenum · 25/12/2021 06:20

That thread you refer to was batshit.

My dh gets a list, he gets a couple of bits off there and goes slightly off piste in a very safe way. He adores me.

Mumdiva99 · 25/12/2021 06:26

My husband is crap at presents. This year he's wrapped me slippers I bought myself and liz earle I bought myself.

However if he benefits he's great. So yesterday he made us all pizza and cleaned up after. So I'll keep him a few more years.

Presents aren't everything.