Xmas gift from DH

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It's totally rubbish. Exchanged gifts Xmas Eve over dinner with our two daughters as they are off to their in-laws tomorrow, as it's the in-laws turn for xmas day. No problem with that. In fact it's good because it lets me off the hook and we can be a bit quiet and peaceful Xmas day which suits us both nicely.

Everyone's present was well thought out, and well received.
Mine was {I hope} well received but fuck me it's hideous. Keerist knows what he was thinking!

He knows I like handbags. Not necessarily very expensive bags. Just bags I see, that I like. Mid-range priced bags that are either unusual or fit into my colour palette, if you like:}

He's bought me a black plastic monstrosity!! Very cheap but not even cheerful!! He is convinced now {because of my acting skills} that he's pulled it off in getting something totally impressive. I mean, how misguided can he be!!??

That's not the problem though. He's done this many times in our 30+ years of marriage. What is worrying me is a recent thread that somebody asked, and I paraphrase "Does your husband have to ask what you want for xmas?" Well, yes, because otherwise he won't have a fucking clue. I wish he 'would' ask because then I might get a present that I actually want. The premise of the post was that if your husband loves you enough he'll be on your case 24/7 round the shops to make sure he knows what you want and he won't have to ask. That he is so in tune with your needs and wants and persona that he'll do these lovely things for you and can anticipate your every whim. And you will always get the most perfect gift! This can only happen if he loves you very very much.

If that's what makes a marriage, then me and dh are entirely finished and fucked and our marriage is worthless. Sod all the times he looked after the kids while I went away for weekends with my mates. Bugger the nightime feeds we always shared, even though he was working the next day.

Nope. t's the really crap presents that will finish us off. This ugly black plastic handbag is the end of us.

TBH presents are less necessary when we get older .I bought a lovely black leather handbag from Ebay for a tenner! If you agree a certain price then thats what you agree .We usually send money to Crisis and have a small something each .Just return said bag and get something else .

It's OK OP. My DH got me a bin one Christmas 😬. Who knows what that represents! He knew I wanted a touch bin that opened on its own. This was not even that. There were no words but to this day he doesn't know, because I love him and he was so excited. To me it was the thought that counted. Of course I was disappointed 🤣 although did have a new bin. If you're bothered tell him, it's not a sign that your marriage is destined for the bin though.

@DontBlameMe79

Am I the only one not to give a toss about presents? More junk usually. Unnecessary stress, I’m happy not to receive them and don’t have a lot of enthusiasm for buying them.

I got like this after receiving loads of ahitty ones from certain people. Expect a bit better from my dh though!!

@Aderyn21

I think protecting the feelings of someone you love is important. I'd never tell someone that I didn't like a gift. For the sake of a lost £30? No. I think the OP is right to feign delight and next year direct her husband towards something she would actually like!

Totally agree. Why hurt his feelings at this stage? Learn and move on... We now always say what we want to each other and then a few nice bits and bobs to open.

If tell him it’s not quite to your taste but you appreciate the effort, and then change it for something you like. The delivery doesn’t have to be hurtful, and it’s such a waste to have a present that you’ll never use. But then my family have always kept gift receipts, it’s a running joke in our family now but it’s done in good humour.

Sorry you are disappointed OP. I buy my own presents from DH, it works for me, as DH will always buy me expensive items that I neither want or need, it’s just such a waste otherwise.

I got married in August and I give DH very heavy directions (here is a website full of jewellery I like, pick something!) so not even all blissful newlyweds are present psychics!

I kinda get it. My present from DH was nice enough, but a bit generic. Like he doesn’t know me. To be fair, all the presents on his side of the family, to me and to one another are like that.

It just makes me feel a little bit flat, n cause the first year we were together he knocked it our of them park re the thoughtfulness/ but it’s like he knows me less well ten years in than ten months in.

It’s not a huge deal, and I probably wouldn’t notice it if I didn’t feel a bit overlooked/taken for granted in other ways.

My disappointing present is from my best friend. She knows me very well and selects thoughtful gifts. She posted them to me as she knows I won't have much to unwrap.
She has selected a book she has guessed correctly I will like - only problem is I'm already reading it!!

This year I brought my own and I love it, loads of little bits. He’s not happy he’s had a dressing count whisky his parents brought a clock ornament thing 9m grinning he’s always moaned in the past about his parents presents also I’m thrilled No disappoint for me. This year.

He's misguided because you're the one misguiding him by lying and acting and pretending he's nailed it. For all you know he might be faking his enjoyment of a golf voucher and is protecting your feelings. Your marriage doesn't have the be shit just because of one day.

Most parents I know, including myself have a list of things their kids would like, some by asking them to write a list for Santa or by asking them what they want if they're older, and sometimes we get it wrong by too, it doesn't mean the parent isn't in tune with their needs, dont love them or that it's a sign of bad or unloving relationship.

How you treat each other all year round is what matters, I might not have got the correct type of hobby equipment or he might have not have the wrong the type of yarn I like but what matters to me is that after 20 years, I would never choose anyone else and not would he, he knows exactly how I like my coffee and brings me one every morning, he runs my bath with just the perfect amount of bubbles every night, he leaves "my" end of the sofa that I feel most comfy in, he will watch the programmes I like and miss his own, he makes sure i always my fave snacks in and will call at shops after a long day at work on his way home if he's noticed I don't have any. If your husband does this type of thing for the last 30 years and you're happy with your life then you're doing great and not fucked at all.

After I was twelve or so, my mother told me what my father should get her for Christmas. It was much easier that way.

I am also married to an amazing dad and good husband but shit present giver. I have low expectations drop heavy hints. I have lo g accepted it as a mi or irration (sure I have equal things that annoy him) I an otherwise loving strong marriage. He does other really thoughtful things and is in tune with my feelings presents are just a black spot

This year I told everyone I didn't want 'stuff' (trying to declutter) and no chocolate or alcohol either.

So, I still ended up with 'stuff' but 'stuff' I don't really want!! 😆 I'm not too bothered - I'll more than likely charity shop whatever I don't want to keep.