Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cut my SD from my will

98 replies

WickedSM21 · 24/12/2021 21:30

I know what abuse I’ll get. I don’t care. My SD is a nasty woman - she’s 30. When she was a child I did nothing but care and be kind and she threw it all back in my face. I do not want her getting a penny of my estate when I die. I have other children with her father. How do I make sure my will is able to exclude her? Do I have to get my parents to write me out and pass my inheritance directly to my children or is there a better way? If I die before my spouse he will get everything and then she will by default.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 25/12/2021 07:31

If your will leaves everything to your husband and you die before him then there is no way you can prevent her inheriting because it will be his money and property and he can give it to whoever he wants.

You need to leave the bulk of your cash to your children directly if you want to be sure they will inherit. The house you can leave your half to your children with him with him being allowed to live there until he dies. I think you have to be tenants in common rather than joint tenants. I am not sure if that's the right way round. Obviously you need proper legal advice.

I have read that if you want to leave a close family member out of your will it is recommended that you should mention them in your will, explaining that you are leaving them nothing. That way they can't try claiming that you meant to include them but forgot.

SnowmanFace · 25/12/2021 07:51

It's quite naive to expect to inherit from,your parents anyway, especially ones you are to close to as the cost of care can decimate any so called inheritance.

QueenJeanie · 25/12/2021 08:06

Make an appointment with a solicitor

It's the only way you can be sure of achieving what you want

But don't rant on at them justifying your decision - you'll just run up your bill

Monday55 · 25/12/2021 08:21

Your husband automatically gets 50% of every asset within the marriage when you die whether he brought anything into the marriage or not. So you can't say she won't get much from her dad.

billy1966 · 25/12/2021 08:22

You need legal advice.

If you use any inheritance money towards a shared asset, like buying a home, I believe your husband will be entitled to half.

You need to be very careful here.

Get legal advice with your parents.

THisbackwithavengeance · 25/12/2021 09:19

Hmm.

I would like to hear her side of the story.

When she was a little girl, she probably wasn't very impressed with her dad shagging someone only 15 years older than her.

But hey ho.

But if the assets are yours and inherited from your parents then it's fair enough she shouldn't get a share of those and these should pass to your own kids. I don't think anyone would say that's unfair.

But morally she should get a share of any assets currently owned by your DH or potentially inherited from his side. But you sound bitter enough to try and exclude her from those as well. You are probably banking on your (older) DH dying first and you inheriting the lot.

Presumably she will inherit from her own DM?

Merry Christmas!

SpiderFluff · 25/12/2021 09:21

Just see a solicitor they will sort it.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 25/12/2021 10:15

@Rubyupbeat

I hope if your husband goes first, that he leaves a lump sum to her, you sound plain nasty.
Why is it nasty to disinherit someone who is horrible to you?
Pinkdelight3 · 25/12/2021 10:38

I have inheritance from grandparents tucked away - all in my name. My big inheritance will be yet to come.

But if you're married, these inheritances are shared, aren't they? Not sure you can tuck things away, that's one of the main points of marriage from a legal 50/50 standpoint. Best to get professional advice on all of this. I can also understand why an SD may not be the biggest fan of her dad marrying someone too young to be her mother so not surprised it's all gone toxic.

JacquelineCarlyle · 25/12/2021 11:17

@THisbackwithavengeance

Hmm.

I would like to hear her side of the story.

When she was a little girl, she probably wasn't very impressed with her dad shagging someone only 15 years older than her.

But hey ho.

But if the assets are yours and inherited from your parents then it's fair enough she shouldn't get a share of those and these should pass to your own kids. I don't think anyone would say that's unfair.

But morally she should get a share of any assets currently owned by your DH or potentially inherited from his side. But you sound bitter enough to try and exclude her from those as well. You are probably banking on your (older) DH dying first and you inheriting the lot.

Presumably she will inherit from her own DM?

Merry Christmas!

I can't help but think this too.
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 25/12/2021 11:39

@Pinkdelight3

I have inheritance from grandparents tucked away - all in my name. My big inheritance will be yet to come.

But if you're married, these inheritances are shared, aren't they? Not sure you can tuck things away, that's one of the main points of marriage from a legal 50/50 standpoint. Best to get professional advice on all of this. I can also understand why an SD may not be the biggest fan of her dad marrying someone too young to be her mother so not surprised it's all gone toxic.

Oh right ops age makes the sds behaviour okay then? If she was one year older it wouldn't be? Ridiculous victim blaming shit
Pinkdelight3 · 25/12/2021 11:43

Eesh, it's not victim blaming to say I can see how the situation has come about. It's clearly a whole series of things that have led to this.

GreenVia · 25/12/2021 11:53

I'm 16years older than my SD and I love her. We have a very good relationship. There were issues when she was a teenager but that's it. She is kind and makes a lot of effort with my children, her siblings. I treat her as my own when it comes to money.

Don't blame the OP. We have no idea really but the age difference won't be it. My bet is on a mother hating the OP and a loyality bind. With a dose of disney dad and jealousy.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 25/12/2021 12:07

@Pinkdelight3

Eesh, it's not victim blaming to say I can see how the situation has come about. It's clearly a whole series of things that have led to this.
It doesn't make it okay though does it?
Kangaruby · 25/12/2021 12:11

Just see a solicitor, plenty people do what you want to, my dm did, my BF has and I will do. Its perfectly normal for you to want your dc to inherit from you and not to leave anything for sc

YenniferOfVengaBus · 25/12/2021 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

hidingmystatus · 25/12/2021 13:33

Can people PLEASE stop saying that marriage makes assets and debts joint. It DOES NOT. Anything that is not in a joint name is not joint. You may choose to treat it as such but that's a choice, not a legal obligation.

On DIVORCE, the courts will assess each person's assets/debts and divide it up. Not before then.

Original poster
WickedSM21 · 26/12/2021 07:28

It’s amazing how people don’t really read the posts or just take from it what they want to think. This girl was in my life from the age of 11. Incidentally she was wonderful for the first 10 or so years. While she was a child, I loved her. She had a big issue from her DM of split loyalty and would have to switch her emotions on and off depending who she was with. I get that is awful and I always felt so sad for her. It didn’t come from us. When she reached adulthood she became quite overconfident and pushy (very much like her DM) she started throwing her weight around and when she didn’t get her own way for things that were quite unreasonable, she got mad and I always took the blame. I think she thought she could bully her DF if it wasn’t for me. He’s not always the most strong and has given in to her A LOT over the years. He did that because he always wanted to be the good guy - he didn’t really parent. He was fun dad. He couldn’t have anything to do with her DM after the divorce as she was horrible. So my SD had a very disjointed family. She wasn’t badly behaved but never got pulled up on anything by him as he didn’t want to upset her. She was actively encouraged by her DM to see things negatively about me and her DF. I guess it was a miracle she was nice for even a while. Fast forward and she’s a spoiled madam. When he had to step up and say no - it was me apparently! I’m not going to go into all she’s done - lots is very passive aggressive and some is just plain bullying. You would be disciplined or fired in a work place for what she does and has done to me. She is very self centred, never considers others and although she is good with her siblings when she sees them, she makes no effort most of the time to keep in touch with them.

I already feel this is quite outing so I won’t go on. But the point is, her DF doesn’t have any assets to leave her anyway. Her DM side does. I don’t have my family inheritance in a joint account so if my will says that goes to my DC then I was under the impression she can’t have any and DH won’t get it either. I’d happily leave it to him - I love him - but I don’t want her having it. Say that makes me horrible if you like. I actually don’t care. I just hoped there might be a legally trained person on here that may be able to guide me as to who to see and what to ask for. It’s complicated. I don’t want my husband to be left without but I don’t see why my families hard earned money over generations should go to a nasty cow who is awful to me!

OP posts:
Original poster
WickedSM21 · 26/12/2021 07:33

By the way - we had a wonderful family Christmas without her yesterday. It was technically her year to be with us. I’m actually glad she has thrown her toys out the pram at the moment. But I know it won’t be forever and I’ll have to go back to enduring her nonsense once again for the sake of her DF and my DC.

OP posts:
anne2650 · 26/12/2021 07:44

@PurpleDaisies

You’re best talking to a solicitor about this. Merry Christmas and goodwill to all.
Op has come on here for a bit of advice. Isn't that what it's for?
theculture · 26/12/2021 07:45

I suppose one thing it would be good to consider if (hopefully) your death is a long way in the future is the position it would put your own children in

So make sure whichever way you decide it's not something the family only find out after you have died . . .

Henlie · 26/12/2021 07:49

I’m guessing that no Will exists at the moment Op? So should you die this week, the laws of intestacy would apply and the first £270k of your estate would go to your surviving spouse. I’m presuming your current inheritance doesn’t exceed this? And as it stands your DH would inherit everything?

If you were to do a Will now would you not leave your DH anything? After all I guess it would be helpful for him to have something so he can bring up your joint children.

And are you planning on buying a property together or will you be continuing to rent indefinitely? If you’re buying a house together with DH contributing to the mortgage, allowances will need to be made for that. Obviously your initial deposit could be ring fenced…..

changeyourname11111 · 26/12/2021 08:02

@hidingmystatus

Can people PLEASE stop saying that marriage makes assets and debts joint. It DOES NOT. Anything that is not in a joint name is not joint. You may choose to treat it as such but that's a choice, not a legal obligation.

On DIVORCE, the courts will assess each person's assets/debts and divide it up. Not before then.

^ this!
CheshireKitten123 · 26/12/2021 08:03

Please see a solicitor OP, you need specialist advice on this.

Original poster
WickedSM21 · 26/12/2021 09:06

Thanks for all the helpful comments. As someone already said I only wanted a bit of advice prior to seeking professional services. I am glad someone mentioned writing in that she is not forgotten about, although I doubt she’d contest my part. If her DF dies first he will have her sorted out - not that it would amount to anything at the moment. If he or I need care then I guess this is all irrelevant anyway. Unless I get it all put in my kids names now I suppose…..I know I need a solicitor. Will look for one ASAP.

OP posts: