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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cut my SD from my will

98 replies

WickedSM21 · 24/12/2021 21:30

I know what abuse I’ll get. I don’t care. My SD is a nasty woman - she’s 30. When she was a child I did nothing but care and be kind and she threw it all back in my face. I do not want her getting a penny of my estate when I die. I have other children with her father. How do I make sure my will is able to exclude her? Do I have to get my parents to write me out and pass my inheritance directly to my children or is there a better way? If I die before my spouse he will get everything and then she will by default.

OP posts:
Campervan69 · 24/12/2021 22:34

I think it's worth writing a decent will anyway just in case your partner remarries and the money ended up all going to the new wife as has happened so many times on here.

Kbish1 · 24/12/2021 22:38

So yiu are hoping your dh dies first, so yiu can ensures she has nothing?

Hunderland · 24/12/2021 22:40

@AnneLovesGilbert

If my kids had someone do this to any of them, I know they would split it between them and the excluded.

Is one of them horrible to people they expect to inherit from?

Depends if the others thought that person was being horrible. Maybe they'd prefer them to the benefactor...
Rubyupbeat · 24/12/2021 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

eveningbubble · 24/12/2021 22:42

Is your husband, her father dead?

eveningbubble · 24/12/2021 22:43

sorry just re-read last line of OP, apologies

eveningbubble · 24/12/2021 22:49

What he has should pass equally to his children prior to you and with you. I can't see any other way for this to be fair. What is yours alone and you mention your parents and an inheritance, then I think it should go either directly to your children from them or you sit down with him and say I want this to be their inheritance so I am adjusting my will, should I pass that it stays with my children alone and does not go to him or his child and adjust your will with clauses. How well he takes that is only what you know. I would avoid saying what you have said here about his daughter. Surely his daughter has a mother and a separate inheritance line via her mothers family, so all should thus be equal.

Faretheewellmyfairyfay · 24/12/2021 22:49

If you leave it to him you cant dictate what he does with it afterwards.

You can, it's called a bloodline will and is more complicated (expensive) to arrange but can definitely be worth it in some circumstances. You can also leave specific things directly to your children, with or without your husband having use of them during his lifetime or for a set period.

You need to see a solicitor about this, there are specialists in this area. They will be able to tell you whether it would help to talk to your parents and ask them to co-ordinate theirs with yours, if necessary (although you can't force them to do it but no harm in asking them once you know how it works and what the benefits are).

mumda · 24/12/2021 22:50

Giver her a token amount. It prevents any argument about you having forgotten about her.
Tenner?

exLtEveDallas · 24/12/2021 23:14

You split your estate 50/50 with your husband.
Your 50% goes to your children. His 50% goes to his children.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 24/12/2021 23:29

@exLtEveDallas

You split your estate 50/50 with your husband. Your 50% goes to your children. His 50% goes to his children.
This is what we have done.....dh still had to state in the will why his son will receive less than his daughter but a simple sentence that his half of the estate will be split equally was enough.

I don't want half of my estate going to a child that isn't mine - worked bloody hard for what l have got and stepson is a bit of a waster anyway.

That's not even considering the fact he has said horrible things about me even though l have always been very fair to him.

Hard to say cos l don't know your situation op but l am voting YANBU!

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 24/12/2021 23:34

@Aprilx

How do I make sure my will is able to exclude her

You just write your will to exclude her. 🙄

Grin yep! Not exactly a Mensa question is it Grin
AuntyBumBum · 24/12/2021 23:40

@WickedSM21

I know what abuse I’ll get. I don’t care. My SD is a nasty woman - she’s 30. When she was a child I did nothing but care and be kind and she threw it all back in my face. I do not want her getting a penny of my estate when I die. I have other children with her father. How do I make sure my will is able to exclude her? Do I have to get my parents to write me out and pass my inheritance directly to my children or is there a better way? If I die before my spouse he will get everything and then she will by default.
I agree that a solicitor would be the better source of advice. It would be a good idea to leave a letter explaining unemotively why she's been left out, in order to head off any (unlikely) claim for "reasonable financial provision". And in the event that you go before your husband your will should leave your assets to him on trust for his lifetime, and then to your preferred ultimate beneficiaries. If you own your house as joint tenants you should sever the joint tenancy so that you can leave your half under the terms of your will rather than on a "survivorship" basis automatically to him.
Cattenberg · 24/12/2021 23:51

If my kids had someone do this to any of them, I know they would split it between them and the excluded.

This happened in my family, My late grandparents cut one of their adult children out of their will. The other siblings decided to pay the excluded sibling what their share would have been. They didn’t bother with a deed of variation - they just made individual bank transfers.

britneyisfree · 25/12/2021 00:06

I'm wondering what on earth she did this evening that has pissed you off so much! Come back and update please. Also, merry Christmas!

Cattenberg · 25/12/2021 00:16

Yeah, I was wondering that too. I hope you can forget about this for a few days and enjoy Christmas.

Keeping2ChevronsApart · 25/12/2021 00:25

@britneyisfree

I'm wondering what on earth she did this evening that has pissed you off so much! Come back and update please. Also, merry Christmas!
She got you a Bayliss and Harding gift set didn't she?
backtolifebacktoreality · 25/12/2021 00:26

Speak to a solicitor. My husband and I have set up a trust so that if I die first and he were to remarry and then she died, my money wouldn't go to her family.

Original poster
WickedSM21 · 25/12/2021 06:25

I probably should say that my husband brought nothing into the marriage except debt but he’s the main earner. We are now debt free (thanks to my frugal nature) with no expensive assets bar a Motorhome worth now around 30k. I have inheritance from grandparents tucked away - all in my name. My big inheritance will be yet to come. My parents having witnessed her vileness do not want her having their money either. We rent so their is no home to pass down but when my parents pass there will be and things could then get complicated. Would any solicitor do wills or does it have to be a specialist? Are will writing companies a no no? Sorry everyone but that £3 nivea lip care tin for Christmas just pushed me over the edge 😂 Kidding!! (That actually happened though a few years ago at a big family Xmas)
At the moment she has cut her father off as she wants him to take her side and he won’t. It’s all petty and spiteful things she does but he has actually backed me. Think it’s because it’s irrefutable and although it hurts him, he can see I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m hoping to be around a while yet and she’s only 15 years my junior but if something happens to me I can’t let her take any of what should be for my dc. By the way - she won’t miss out on her dads half but it isn’t much. My children don’t know how horrible she’s been as I try to not let them know what their sister is like towards me. They are too young to notice at the moment. Anyway if you’re reading this Christmas Day - have a lovely day! Hold the ones you love near. I’ll try not to let her mar my time with the ones I really care about.

OP posts:
pluggee · 25/12/2021 06:33

Surely there's a back story

Saoirse82 · 25/12/2021 06:38

@PurpleDaisies

You’re best talking to a solicitor about this. Merry Christmas and goodwill to all.
Xmas Grin
NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 25/12/2021 06:57

You do not sound very nice tbh. And surely this is an issue for your dp, not just you.

ChristmasFluff · 25/12/2021 07:07

I think you'd be better speaking to a solicitor, like a sensible person, rather than showing yourself up on MN.

It's almost like you want people to tell you about yourself.

theitgirll · 25/12/2021 07:18

You need a specialist solicitor. Not one who mainly does conveyancing but who'll knock you up a will for a few quid.

Boogaloony · 25/12/2021 07:24

If you inherit while married, your inheritance is classed as family money and equally owned by you and your DH. Should you die without a will, it will go to your DH. Of you die, you can leave your half to whoever you want with a will but would imagine your DH could leave his half ( including his half off your inheritance) to his daughter.

In your shoes I would imagine the best way would be to ask your family to just pass your inheritance onto your children and by pass you. Should you find that you inherit a house that you would choose to live in, or can be written in that you have rights to live in the house unto death but that it's owned by your kids?

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