Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give your teenage children alcohol?

77 replies

WineGetsMeThroughIt · 23/12/2021 12:05

My husband and I don't drink much. On the very rare occasion at home. I'm not originally from the UK so I really don't understand the British drinking culture. It often seems excessive to me.

I was very surprised to hear a friend say her husband gave her teenage boys alcohol to 'prepare them' so they know how to handle their alcohol when they get a bit older and go out with friends. She said they started giving their children the occasional beer at age 13/14. The older son is now 16 and they purchase alcohol for him and know he (and are ok with it) goes down to the park to drink with his friends in the evening. They now say the older boy is having relationship troubles and they think he's drinking to cope with it all. He has come home drunk several times And even been found drunk at home.

Obviously they're not my children and they think they're doing the right thing by educating their children about alcohol, but I just don't see a need in giving them alcohol at such a young age and normalising it. I Bec an understand a small one for a special occasion, but I just don't get the regularity and encouraging of it. But then again I'm not British and don't understand the drinking culture as I too find it excessive and is one of the only countries I've been to where getting wasted is so normalised and such an integral part of life.

AIBU to think it's unacceptable to regularly give your young teens alcohol?

OP posts:
malificent7 · 23/12/2021 12:07

The French let their kids drink a bit at the table. Strangely dd (13) stopped seeing alchohol as cool when i offered her a glass.
Before then it was naughty and therefore.

" cool."

JuergenSchwarzwald · 23/12/2021 12:08

I've had this discussion with friends too. We didn't do that and I don't think a lot of British parents would but you are right that many do. However, I often think people on MN are quite liberal on alcohol and teen sex but strict about screen time, and I think we were the opposite!

DS isn't that keen on alcohol but will have the odd can of cider at home, so we get him that. We let him have alcohol from about 16 but no earlier.

Original poster
WineGetsMeThroughIt · 23/12/2021 12:08

To clarify - it isn't usually wine. Or served with food. It's beers, highballs or cocktails served during a movie or the evening when they're relaxing

OP posts:
SmallElephant · 23/12/2021 12:09

I think giving a teenager a beer or glass of wine with a meal is a good idea and I support that. A 16yo coming home drunk / getting drunk at home regularly is a completely different matter.

HailAdrian · 23/12/2021 12:11

Can't see an issue, make alcohol as boring as possible I say.

ANameChangeAgain · 23/12/2021 12:12

I think that's petty shocking of your friend tbh, and most Brits would agree with me.
My teens very very occasionally have a Baileys or a small glass of wine with a celebration meal. It isn't about preparing them, its about taking the mystery and excitement away from alcohol, and enjoying it as a nice drink. They both turn their nose up at teens who get drunk at the park, they think its childish and ridiculous. I was brought up the same way, we would have a Babycham back in the day with a special meal, and an eggnog on Christmas Eve (guess my age! 😆 )

HotPenguin · 23/12/2021 12:12

Lots of parents give their teens alcohol, but usually that's a drink at home at Christmas or a special occasion. I think giving your kids beers to drink in the park is a bit odd and not normal practice.

Jellycatspyjamas · 23/12/2021 12:13

If you’re asking about the friend, I think you know there are problems there in that their 14 year old using alcohol to cope isn’t a good thing.

In terms of the more general principle, I don’t think having an air of mystery about alcohol is a good thing - including mid-teens in alcohol use as part of a family meal or celebration feels measured to me. I wouldn’t be buying alcohol for them to drink elsewhere, eg down the park, but gradual exposure to very moderate drinking seems ok for me.

Sally872 · 23/12/2021 12:14

I wouldn't be giving my children beer to take to the park or anywhere unsupervised. I also wouldn't want their first experience of alcohol to be with peers in a pub either.

Middle ground for me is, drinking one or 2 drinks socially with family in a safe place and learning limits is sensible. Not getting drunk or drinking unsupervised.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 23/12/2021 12:14

I think giving a 16 year old booze to drink down the park is a bit excessive! However, I think a glass or two of wine with dinner, or a few beers to take to a party is fine at that age.

When my DD went to uni, the ones who had very strict parents regarding booze were the ones that went a bit crazy to begin with. I'd rather they got to know their limits whilst we are nearby.

DramaAlpaca · 23/12/2021 12:14

The occasional beer at home - fine. Providing cans to drink in the park - absolutely not.

BarefootHippieChick · 23/12/2021 12:16

I think there's a difference between having a drink at home with adults, or maybe at a party, and getting pissed in the park. Where I live, the teens drinking in the park are the ones causing trouble after.

HepzibahGreen · 23/12/2021 12:17

I wouldnt (and don't) give teens alchohol. Alchohol is a highly addictive drug that makes you do stupid things. I accept they will probably drink and have talked a lot about amounts (eg how much beer is too much) and about being really really wary of shots or vodka in pop, as you can get drunk very fast and its dangerous.
I have also said that in any situation, however much trouble you think you mght get into, if ever drinking with mates and things go bad to call me. DS says he would call my DP, not me as he would be more chill, but that's fine with me.
We don't give teenagers any other addictive drug, why would we give them booze?! Plenty of people never drink at all, so no need to "get used to it".

FrancescaContini · 23/12/2021 12:17

Yes, aged 15 + - small glass of wine with meals occasionally. It normalises it. Aged 16 + I’m happy to buy a small amount of alcohol for them to take to a party.

RosesAndHellebores · 23/12/2021 12:18

I agree with Sally872.
We often gave ours a sip of wine at the table when they were very small. We both drink at home but moderately.
When ds was 14/15 and the gatherings started he and his friends were allowed a few beers; dd's were allowed some wine. Our relaxed approach kept them away from drinking secretly.

GoodnightGrandma · 23/12/2021 12:19

I’m not sure what the British drinking culture is ? I thought we were all individuals, and I wouldn’t judge a nation by the alcohol antics I saw in a country. Am I allowed to be offended ? 😉
But I do know that my DS and his friends were, unfortunately, smoking weed before he had any alcohol in our house.

HepzibahGreen · 23/12/2021 12:19

Our relaxed approach kept them away from drinking secretly.

How do you know!

Emmelina · 23/12/2021 12:21

There’s a school of thought that says there’s an element of taking away the mystery of alcohol when you offer a glass at the table. It’s no longer naughty and taboo, therefore when they get together with their mates down the park with a few tins their mates have pinched from their parent’s stores or carefully planned somebody else buying for them, they know it’s all just a bit “meh”.
We were always offered a glass of Buck’s Fizz at Christmas/very small glass of wine spritzer or champagne at weddings etc. and we’ve all been able to control out alcohol intake under pressure.

Echobelly · 23/12/2021 12:21

I wouldn't give young teens alcohol - TBH 16+ I'd considered some monitored drinking appropriate.

ANameChangeAgain · 23/12/2021 12:22

@HepzibahGreen
How do you know!
You know because their bedroom isn't painted all kinds of brown, green and beige in the morning. A drunk or hung over teen is pretty easy to spot!

MorningStarling · 23/12/2021 12:22

Yes it's normal and sensible to allow teenagers alcohol. It's best that they learn their limits and build up their tolerance in a safe environment. Teenagers will drink, if they're not allowed to at home they'll do it outside. I don't think it's normal for parents to buy alcohol for their children to drink in the park though.

When I was 18 and started going out regularly it was immediately obvious which people in a group had not been allowed to drink until they were 18. They had no understanding of how alcohol affected them, they'd no tolerance of it, they got themselves into trouble - usually drinking to the point they were not capable of looking after themselves.

Looneytune253 · 23/12/2021 12:25

Hmmm the situation you've described sounds different to mine but I've always allowed my teen some alcohol. She's the only one of her friend group to never have gotten so blotto she can't get home or made herself ill so I think it's done her some good. She would often call us and ask our opinion if someone had brought some alcohol she hadn't had before. She's now moved on to bars and sometimes has a drink sometimes doesn't drink at all. She has a very sensible attitude to alcohol.

mumda · 23/12/2021 12:25

As far as I understand the French seriously dilute any wine given to children with meals.

Children need to see responsible drinking. They need to understand it can be addictive and cause huge problems as well as tasting nice. It shouldn't be seen as the most important thing in the world.

Giving kids sweet drinks is awful. Alcopops are designed to appeal to younger people.
Let them taste grown up drinks if you want when they're in their teens.

BarefootHippieChick · 23/12/2021 12:27

@GoodnightGrandma

I’m not sure what the British drinking culture is ? I thought we were all individuals, and I wouldn’t judge a nation by the alcohol antics I saw in a country. Am I allowed to be offended ? 😉 But I do know that my DS and his friends were, unfortunately, smoking weed before he had any alcohol in our house.

The British Drinking Culture thing always makes me laugh. EVERY country drinks. We're not even in the top 10 for alcohol consumption.