To give your teenage children alcohol?

[WineGetsMeThroughIt]

My husband and I don't drink much. On the very rare occasion at home. I'm not originally from the UK so I really don't understand the British drinking culture. It often seems excessive to me.

I was very surprised to hear a friend say her husband gave her teenage boys alcohol to 'prepare them' so they know how to handle their alcohol when they get a bit older and go out with friends. She said they started giving their children the occasional beer at age 13/14. The older son is now 16 and they purchase alcohol for him and know he (and are ok with it) goes down to the park to drink with his friends in the evening. They now say the older boy is having relationship troubles and they think he's drinking to cope with it all. He has come home drunk several times And even been found drunk at home.

Obviously they're not my children and they think they're doing the right thing by educating their children about alcohol, but I just don't see a need in giving them alcohol at such a young age and normalising it. I Bec an understand a small one for a special occasion, but I just don't get the regularity and encouraging of it. But then again I'm not British and don't understand the drinking culture as I too find it excessive and is one of the only countries I've been to where getting wasted is so normalised and such an integral part of life.

AIBU to think it's unacceptable to regularly give your young teens alcohol?

My DD is 14 and has the occasional can of dark fruits cider if we are having a party. She makes it last all night so I can’t get too het up about it.

I wouldn’t want her to be drinking down the park but I have no doubt she will because I don’t know any teens that haven’t done that at some point 🤷🏼‍♀️

I occasionally offered a glass of wine/fizz say at Christmas from being about 12 to DD1, but she wasn't interested so I didn't push it. Recently (age 16, rising 17) she has a few drinks with her friends, so I will get drinks in for them if they are at our house and the other parents do the same. DD2 (12) isn't keen yet so again, I'm not encouraging it.

In sixth form (DD1's age) I used to go out and consume alcohol twice a week and get quite pissed on a Friday night. DD1 doesn't seem to drink as much. Good!

The British Drinking Culture thing always makes me laugh. EVERY country drinks. We're not even in the top 10 for alcohol consumption.

Yes we are.

eu.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2021/12/03/worlds-drunkest-countries-2021/8849598002/w

I don't see a problem with giving teenagers a bit of alcohol, especially under supervision. It takes the rebellion out of it as well, they're much less likely to sit on a park bench getting wasted when having half a can or whatever at home is possible

I think it really depends on the kids. For some it demystifies it and makes it less taboo and appealing, and for some it encourages them to drink more than they should because it's allowed.

Giving someone a sip of wine or the odd beer doesn't teach them anything about the realities of drinking because 90 percent of drinking culture is just that, the all pervasive culture of it and how difficult it is to avoid. It doesn't help with limits either unless you regularly assist your kids with getting smashed.

I used to think this was OK. I was allowed a very small glass of wine on special occasions from my early teenage years. But now, having known several people who are close to me having problems with alcohol dependency (dad, dsis, bil, dh) it's made me think that we in the UK normalise alcohol intake too much. Alcohol abuse comes in many shapes and sizes, all of them harmful to a greater or lesser degree. It's made me really cautious about normalising it in front of our children by letting them drink it. I know there's an argument that if you let them try it, they don't then go mad with it once they're older because it's not seen as 'forbidden fruit' but I'm not sure there's much truth in that.

I don't give my kids drugs or cigarettes as they're both illegal for kids and, in my mind, worse for their health (based on a glass of something like lager or Prosecco). We let our 17 year old order a beer if we're at a restaurant or my 15 year old can have half a glass of something occasionally at home. We're not lining up the flaming sambuccas on the kitchen table.

For us, it makes it less of a forbidden treat and hopefully encourages sensible consumption. There is zero drinking in parks, though my older son goes to the odd party and has a few beers. Drugs are in a totally different category for me as they're not legal and you don't know what's in them. That said, I think the current generation tend to take drugs more than drink excessively (which, being honest, was prevalent at uni and in my 20s).

I was allowed a small glass from about 5/6 at the table with a meal if someone was having some.(grew up in a family that rarely drinks!). Sometimes I would other times not.Will do same for mine, seems sensible to introduce it like that, I feel less likely to down a bottle of vodka at 15 as many did, some even sneaking it into school.
In mine and siblings experience, it teaches you to drink responsibly

** by down a bottle of vodka I mean just drink in excess given an opportunity

I've offered my dc the odd drink since they were about 13ish. More a small bottle of wkd at xmas, glass of wine etc. I wouldnt let them touch spirits at that age though. If any younger and they would ask I might offer them a sip of wine but I wouldnt be buying alcohol for them to sit in the park with at that age.

That should of said I wouldnt be buying them alcohol to sit in the park with at ANY age.

It isn't a British thing. We're not all giving our 13 year olds beer and encouraging them to use alcohol to combat their teenage angst 🙄 but then again us Brits are just the worst people ever so maybe you're right.

Fwiw my DD gave us alcohol in our teens at Xmas, NYE, Birthdays etc. I had a better relationship with alcohol than my peers who were forbidden lore than hf a wine spritzer at Xmas at 17. But it also meant at Uni I had further to push to find my limits

Mine all drank from age 13/14, not in the park but at house parties. Youngest never really done it though, don't think he likes the taste of any of it. I just see it as one of those things you do as a teenager. I did trust my dc though, and most times it would be them looking after their drunk friends.

My parents didn't drink so it didn't matter to me at all growing up. I remember being given a glass of bubbly during a family lunch as a mid teen and knew then I was a light weight lol. I know I was lucky never to feel pressured by peers to drink and I only drank very occasionally in certain social settings, still do. However, I knew it wouldn't be like this for my own kids, which made me decide to allow them to have a taste of wine and beer at home when they turned teenagers just so they had a clue. They have been drunk with their friends occasionally and suffered the consequences but we've never lectured them and tried to talk about it as an experiment much like trying out a new dish and listened to what they did like as well. All quite factual and predictable and hopefully really boring to them lol.
It's different to actively encouraging and buying them alcohol though. To me that's enabling them to abuse it. My concern about that young man is that he's learnt to use alcohol to escape or numb his heartbreak.

If you don't understand giving alcohol to kids, it's not just the British culture you don't understand OP.

But then again your post is littered with so many sly little digs, it doesn't appear as though you're looking to understand it.

having known several people who are close to me having problems with alcohol dependency (dad, dsis, bil, dh) it's made me think that we in the UK normalise alcohol intake too much. Alcohol abuse comes in many shapes and sizes, all of them harmful to a greater or lesser degree. It's made me really cautious about normalising it in front of our children by letting them drink it. I know there's an argument that if you let them try it, they don't then go mad with it once they're older because it's not seen as 'forbidden fruit' but I'm not sure there's much truth in that.

I agree with this. There's a lot of addiction in my family, and lots of my older relatives drank heavily and smoked hash freely in front of me when I was a child/teen, it didn't stop me drinking cider in the park with my mates. Alcohol has two side-its fun and celebratory in moderation, but the dark side is addiction and dangerous behaviour.
I would encourage teens to know that is is possible to enjoy life and have fun without booze, because when you have been drinking regularly since age 13 you don't actually learn how to be in "adult" type situations without using alcohol as a crutch-you have never developed that social ability or emotional resilience as you grow up, and that is a damn hard thing to have to learn to do in your 30s/40s/50s.

I think anyone who thinks giving their teen a drink at home will stop them getting wasted with their friends is mistaken, the too situations don't compare even though they both involve alcohol. Same as sending them to a party with a 6 pack or a couple of alcopops or whatever and thinking that that is all they will consume is naive at best, ime teens do what they are going to do however their parents handle it. Drinking isn't only about being cool, it's the sensation of being wasted that many of them are after. We all like to feel that we are role models for our dc but I think teens attitudes to alcohol and drugs are influenced much more by their peer groups than their parents.

There is also a massive different between a 13 year old, and a 16 or 17 year old.

Perfectly normal to give teens a beer shandy, the gradually introduce wine with meals
If you don't drink excessively, it's pretty likely that your children won't either.
But they will have friends who abuse alcohol and when they leave home for the first time, to uni, they will encounter alcohol.
They need an understanding of its consequences, but also its pleasures.
I had the chat with my daughter about men taking advantage of her, about spiking drinks etc when she was 15 and had drunk with friends in the park.
She went out for her 18th, came home on time and want even drunk, it works in context.

I come from a different culture...

I always let my children try some alcohol like beer or wine from the age 10/ 11. They don't like the taste at that age and it takes the naughty & cool element away.

When I was 15ish, my parents offered me alcohol (think it was a wkd or something crap lol) to have with them when I was at home.
Looking back it was a great idea. Having a drink of alcohol wasn't exciting or naughty... it tasted boring and I didn't see the excitement at all.

I knew I could have asked them if I wanted a drink so never ended up sneaking out with friends or getting stupid crazy drunk in a ditch like some people in my school did.

I was a teen in the nineties we were served alcohol in the shops from about 14 and in pubs from about 16. My dd would on special occasions like new year have a little wine or Buck's Fizz from about 13 and started going parties at 16 which we would get her alcohol for. She's never over indulged and is sensible about alcohol now.

Contrary to received wisdom, the evidence available suggests that children who are are introduced to alcohol by parents at home, are actually more likely to develop problems with alcohol.

www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/01/25/study-parents-who-give-their-teenagers-alcohol-inviting-trouble/1067481001/

My teens have always been allowed alcohol at home in a sensible way. Tbh it didn't stop DS from getting shit faced in the park after prom...