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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To put my foot down with DS contact with his Dad

76 replies

squidward4 · 23/12/2021 10:59

Awful relationship with my ex (down to him). DS is 7 and goes to his Dad's 9 nights a month. Ex works shifts so I get sent 3 months of dates at a time of when he wants them. Although there are some weekends in these dates, a lot of them are weeknights.

There are 3 other children at his Dad's (2 are young) so it's quite chaotic there. DS says he doesn't get much sleep as he's woken up a lot by his siblings. He shares a room with his step sibling. His teacher has been noticing that DS is tired at school when he's staying at his Dad's and has spoken to me on a few occasions now about this.

His Dad also doesn't do homework so when there's a weekly deadline for it to be done it means we're having to cram it all in on one or two nights.

I talk to ex through a third party and suggested that he could try and have him more weekends and less weeknights and was told no, that doesn't work with his shifts.

I've just had the next 3 months worth of dates through and most of them are week days. I would never stop DS from going there but I'm now at a point where I want to say you're more than welcome to have him at weekends but so many week days are no longer working.

I have posted about the ex before, but I'm at the end of my tether now (he's just generally awful!).

YABU - it's fine for DS to continue going on weekdays and I should butt out.

YANBU - it's my ex's choice to work shifts so it's tough if he can't accommodate.

OP posts:
muchalover · 26/12/2021 11:59

You can arrange for CSA to be taken directly out of his pay then he is unable to withhold it. Then the next step could be to get a court arranged agreement but remember courts don't give a flying monkey about you or your child or 'he said she said'. Make arrangements for Christmas, birthdays and holidays and then there is no deviation and he will need to build his shifts around around his access and not the other way round.

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