Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby vomit everywhere and cancelling plans

72 replies

vomvomandmoreeffingvom · 22/12/2021 18:30

So, bit of background to my AIBU...
Me, DH and 15m DD have all been unwell this last week with DandV, flu and a cold. It's been shit, suffice to say. Exploding nappies last week at 3am, broken sleep, 4 bloody washes a day every day since etc.
So, she went to nursery today as she hasn't been sick for 2 full days now (part time nursery, part time with my parents). Me and DH still feeling shit so he's been off today while she's at nursery and I'm off as I work term time. We've just spent today wrapping presents finally and recovering a bit, still getting over an awful flu that wiped me out last week, feeling like I may be 80% better tomorrow. (Not covid numerous tests done)

Today DD comes home and DH is making her tea using the food prep soup I do. I say to him, that's too much (not because she won't eat it but more because she hasn't eaten so well the last week due to her illness and her tummy will be adjusting). He says, oh but she's so hungry poor thing. He makes her the big portion of soup which is more than she would usually eat. Bearing in mind she also has the other aspects of her meal such as toast, fruit etc.
In the 5 mins after eating it she then vomits it all up everywhere.

I had made plans with different friends all this week, all of which have been cancelled due to recovering and waiting for covid results. My last set of plans were tomorrow, really looking forward to catching up with this friend, as I usually only see her term time breaks, plus I planned it for when DD was at nursery so we could really catch up. I was hoping to have something nice to do and hoping I'd feel mostly better tomorrow. Nursery is closed after tomorrow so it's my last chance to see a friend while I am truly child free in the daytime really.

DH is now acting as if I should cancel tomorrow as he has obviously planned to return to work tomorrow after his few days off.

I am feeling really put out and in anger have said to him he can take another day off and I don't care if it looks bad to his work. Dramatic maybe. Justified? Only AIBU can say....

OP posts:
BeLessMe · 22/12/2021 19:27

Of course he shouldn’t let his employer, and colleagues, down if you aren’t at work.

Fatandfifty49 · 22/12/2021 19:29

What does he do? If he's office based, surely he'll be quiet?

Jeschara · 22/12/2021 19:30

No,its his work, he is not going out on a jolly. Make plans for another time.

Original poster
vomvomandmoreeffingvom · 22/12/2021 19:31

He's in the construction trade.

@BeLessMe He will be very quiet this time of year as most of his team had enough leave to take a full 2 weeks off. He didn't as we've had to use so much leave between us due to DD starting nursery and being sick non stop!

OP posts:
icedcoffees · 22/12/2021 19:31

YABU. His job takes preference over your social life.

LittleOwl153 · 22/12/2021 19:32

I'd definitely make it his problem. Feeding the jid to that extent was plain daft... (but then if she isn't sick again and it really was an overfill of her stomach - as in the soup just came back I'd consider sending her to nursery... )

LefttoherownDevizes · 22/12/2021 19:34

If DD is ill in term time who normally takes time off to care for her? If it's DH then for turn, off you always do it is trickier.

I also think it's a bit of a red herring about the big portion of soup, if you've all been that unwell maybe she would have been such anyway, so it's unfair to say it's DH's fault.

So, unless you do 100% of sick cover I think YABU as I really don't see it's DGs fault. Just one of those things

Original poster
vomvomandmoreeffingvom · 22/12/2021 19:36

Ah I'm getting mixed responses here, I'm torn myself as I know work is important but I'm just feeling so down and frustrated.

I haven't felt like me for a long time since having DD and in the last couple months was just starting to see friends again and give friendships the headspace they deserve. I know social plans can't trump work but it just feels so unjust. Parenting, sacrifice, etc etc etc I know.

@LittleOwl153 Yeah I'm torn, as she did throw it all back up but doesn't seem sick and didn't throw up the water and crackers I gave her half an hour after that. Also, the petulant and put out part of me wants to make it his issue as he didn't listen to my judgement and did what he fancied without even considering my rationale for feeding her a little less! Now she's had bloody none of it poor thing.

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 22/12/2021 19:36

If it's not going to fuck other people over too much, I would also ask him to take the day off

But I also think if you are all this sick you shouldn't really be seeing anyone and spreading things around just before Christmas

Original poster
vomvomandmoreeffingvom · 22/12/2021 19:37

@LefttoherownDevizes I would say so far it's 40% me, 20% DH and 20% my parents.

OP posts:
Ohdofuckoffcovid · 22/12/2021 19:40

You can’t blame your dd being sick on dh, she obviously was hungry. Tabvu

SeaToSki · 22/12/2021 19:41

If she threw up because she is still sick, she would have thrown up the crackers too. And then you should keep her home.

But if she threw up because she was over fed on a still sensitive stomach then she can still go to nursery tomorrow

Be honest and see how she is in the morning after breakfast
,

Original poster
vomvomandmoreeffingvom · 22/12/2021 19:41

@dreamingbohemian maybe you're right. I should probably just cancel. I was just hoping beyond hope that I'd feel right for tomorrow and would be able to do the last of my Christmas plans with friends.

I'm not feeling particularly happy or Christmassy due to all the illness and stress. Also I'm resentful as I've done most of the Christmas planning (granted DH does the boring transport work such as dropping off pressies, going to and from shops for collection orders) but I've taken so much headspace up trying to make this Christmas feel good that I just feel thwarted at the last hurdle.

I know DD will have a great Christmas but I do believe in self care and time out for mums too, so to not have had any before nursery shuts and all plans with friends are cancelled or done, feels shitty.

OP posts:
shiningstar2 · 22/12/2021 19:46

I would put his work first as you are not in yourself. Babies/toddlers are unpredictable and you may need him to stay off work another time when you are both due at work. Where babies and sickness are concerned it's not particularly unusual for either parent to make the wrong call. Definitely a learning experience. It's disappointing to miss out on seeing your friend but I would rather he went to work so that he hasn't had too many days off if time is needed again during term time.

clolo · 22/12/2021 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BFCfairy · 22/12/2021 19:51

YABU as it is his job

BUT I understand you are fed up. My 3rd had V bug every month for 8 months when strted nursery and first time it went on and on. And sometimes the others got it. It's v draining.

Hope your dc gets better and hope just a one off today and u feel better too.

WonderfulYou · 22/12/2021 19:52

YABVU - you want your DH to have a day off work so you can go and meet your friend?!

You can meet your friend a different day or meet them in the evening when your DH is home.

You can’t blame him for making your child ill. If she was hungry he did the right thing by feeding her.

I think you need to have a glass of wine and an early night. It sounds like you’re still a bit poorly and tired so you’re not thinking straight.

dreamingbohemian · 22/12/2021 19:53

I totally get it, especially if you are feeling a bit lost and sick and stressed. I remember feeling this way when my DC was that age! It's so wonderful to see friends and be the 'old you' just for a while. But sometimes life interferes and it doesn't work out.

Is there any compromising to be done? Could DH do a half shift, could your parents watch her for a couple hours, could your friend come to your house during her nap, etc etc

minniep · 22/12/2021 20:00

I get you are fed up but being blunt this is part and parcel of parenting and you need to get used to having to cancel plans and not make a drama over it. It can take ages for small children to fully recover from illness. We've had weeks of it here in this house and the place is like a bomb site as nothing gets done . It's a running joke here as when it's an anniversary or special occasion at least one DC gets sick and our plans get cancelled. We just laugh at this stage at it.

Ericaequites · 22/12/2021 20:04

If you are off work for Christmas break, there is no need for your husband to stay home to care for a sick child. His work takes precedence over your social visit. It’s tough, but life isn’t fair. Could you invite your friend over instead?

Original poster
vomvomandmoreeffingvom · 22/12/2021 20:04

@WonderfulYou I can blame him if he overfed her after she's had a week of eating less and recovering. He had a moment of 'I know better than you' which not to be awful but he rarely does in these circumstances and it backfired on him but I'm paying the price now. Can't meet friend on evening as we had plans set a week or two ago specifically for a certain time of day. I don't want to be out late in evening as DD has been sleeping badly and I want to get to bed early to counteract. But yes, I probably do need an early night.

@dreamingbohemian you do get it completely. I know everyone is being sensible in their views and I know to some degree IABU as work trumps social. But it has been so so nice to feel like me again and I'm just a bit all over emotionally with the stress of everything and it having taken so long to get back on track to feeling like more than just someone's mother. This particular friend has not had very much of me as well since DD was born so I feel so upset about cancelling as our closeness was getting back on track

OP posts:
CharlotteGoldenblattYork · 22/12/2021 20:05

I think it would be selfish to meet up with your friend potentially infecting her with a stomach bug.

MissNothing1991 · 22/12/2021 20:06

You feel let down? Try being a single mother with absolutely no childcare. I have not been child free to socialise ever. I'm sure you can delay it

willithappen · 22/12/2021 20:08

Either DD is still sick and has been all along (therefore shouldn't have gone back to nursery in the first place), or it was because she ate too much and nothing to do with the sickness.
I don't think it's worth an argument with DH about or stressing to this extent. Things happen and we deal with them and make plans at other times

PinkWaferBiscuit · 22/12/2021 20:09

@CharlotteGoldenblattYork

I think it would be selfish to meet up with your friend potentially infecting her with a stomach bug.
Agreed.

Even if she hadn't thrown up tonight I really wouldn't have wanted to meet up with someone who freely admits that you've all been so unwell and you still feel shit. I would not want to chance catching something this close to Christmas.

The fact she threw up again is a red herring you should have already cancelled.

Swipe left for the next trending thread