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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby vomit everywhere and cancelling plans

72 replies

vomvomandmoreeffingvom · 22/12/2021 18:30

So, bit of background to my AIBU...
Me, DH and 15m DD have all been unwell this last week with DandV, flu and a cold. It's been shit, suffice to say. Exploding nappies last week at 3am, broken sleep, 4 bloody washes a day every day since etc.
So, she went to nursery today as she hasn't been sick for 2 full days now (part time nursery, part time with my parents). Me and DH still feeling shit so he's been off today while she's at nursery and I'm off as I work term time. We've just spent today wrapping presents finally and recovering a bit, still getting over an awful flu that wiped me out last week, feeling like I may be 80% better tomorrow. (Not covid numerous tests done)

Today DD comes home and DH is making her tea using the food prep soup I do. I say to him, that's too much (not because she won't eat it but more because she hasn't eaten so well the last week due to her illness and her tummy will be adjusting). He says, oh but she's so hungry poor thing. He makes her the big portion of soup which is more than she would usually eat. Bearing in mind she also has the other aspects of her meal such as toast, fruit etc.
In the 5 mins after eating it she then vomits it all up everywhere.

I had made plans with different friends all this week, all of which have been cancelled due to recovering and waiting for covid results. My last set of plans were tomorrow, really looking forward to catching up with this friend, as I usually only see her term time breaks, plus I planned it for when DD was at nursery so we could really catch up. I was hoping to have something nice to do and hoping I'd feel mostly better tomorrow. Nursery is closed after tomorrow so it's my last chance to see a friend while I am truly child free in the daytime really.

DH is now acting as if I should cancel tomorrow as he has obviously planned to return to work tomorrow after his few days off.

I am feeling really put out and in anger have said to him he can take another day off and I don't care if it looks bad to his work. Dramatic maybe. Justified? Only AIBU can say....

OP posts:

JumperooSue · 22/12/2021 20:12

I don’t think it’s at all reasonable to expect him to take a sick day so you can see your friend however disappointing that may seem.

Do you work? What are your normal childcare arrangements? This is surely something you can rearrange until after the festive period if you have free time whilst your daughter goes to nursery usually.

NeedsCharging · 22/12/2021 20:13

Your OP was a bit confusing as I am not sure how DH giving DD a bowl of soup means he made her sick unless he force fed her?

If he is working and you are at home and DD needs care then the at home patent does it.
Yes sick kids fuck up the best laid plans but what is your justification for DH not working and doing childcare so you can socialise?

icedcoffees · 22/12/2021 20:13

If your DD has a vomiting bug, surely you shouldn't be going out socialising anyway? I doubt your friend will be very happy if you give her noro-virus just before Christmas!

I totally get you're frustrated but ultimately your husbands' job has to take priority over your social life, no matter how quiet he'll be or how close to Christmas it is. I also don't think it's fair to entirely blame him for DD being unwell either - if she's had a bug it could take days for her to recover.

Joolsin · 22/12/2021 20:15

I disagree with pps, I think he should stay home. You've said his work isn't busy, it's his fault she got sick, he fixes it.

dreamingbohemian · 22/12/2021 20:16

I hear you OP

You are always going to hear on MN that nothing trumps work (especially the man's work) but it's just not always the case that missing work is some huge nightmare. I think it was totally fair to ask him, especially as his daftness provoked this crisis, but if he says no, what can you do. I don't think it's wrong to ask.

Original poster

vomvomandmoreeffingvom · 22/12/2021 20:16

@CharlotteGoldenblattYork If I had a stomach bug id not be meeting her. I'm coming out of a cold/flu and hoped to have an early night to see if I felt 80% better tomorrow so we could go out for a little winter walk and catch up. Unlikely to catch anything that way!

@willithappen I wouldn't have sent her if I felt she was unwell. She's literally been in nursery 1/3 of the days she could have due to sickness and all the time off we've taken. I wouldn't want to knowingly infect other kids, but she hadn't been sick for a full 2 days and was eating more and keeping it down. So I assumed she was fine...I think it is over feeding tbh but overnight and tomorrow morning will tell...

@MissNothing1991 I feel for you, i do. And it must have been bloody hard work, and single mothers (the ones I know anyway) are bloody strong and resilient. However, that isn't my situation currently and I can only base my feelings on my current life.

@icedcoffees I thought she was well again, until this evening when she vomited. Which as per previous posts I'm not convinced isn't due to overfeeding on DHs part

Anyway, I've cancelled my plans for tomorrow now so my AIBU is a moot point now 🤦🏾‍♀️

OP posts:

mermaidgiraffe · 22/12/2021 20:18

YABU, work is more important than meeting a friend.

You can't blame DH for her being sick. I always let mine eat as much as they want after being sick and they've been fine.

HardbackWriter · 22/12/2021 20:18

Oh I have so much sympathy, it's so rubbish when that happens - DH and I had tickets for a gig a couple of weeks ago and couldn't go because the DC were ill and I'm still a bit sad about it - but of course you can't expect him to take the day off work. I think you'll see that once you're feeling a bit better.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/12/2021 20:18

You shouldn't be meeting with anyone given how sick you've all been, especially right before Christmas. It's bloody irresponsible.

NeedsCharging · 22/12/2021 20:18

it's his fault she got sick, he fixes it.

How is it his fault?

CharlotteGoldenblattYork · 22/12/2021 20:19

@vomvomandmoreeffingvom You may not have had a stomach bug but your daughter clearly has, and if she's vomited tonight she will probably still be infected. Therefore you could be infected with no symptoms yet, and then pass it on to your friend tomorrow. I've had someone do that to me before, meeting up with me just before Xmas insisting that her child was just 'teething' and then we all ended up having sickness bugs on Xmas day!

CharlotteGoldenblattYork · 22/12/2021 20:20

And your daughter vomiting tonight is more than likely to still be her bug, and not your DH's fault. Bugs often seem to get better in children and then the symptoms come back.

Chickens0up · 22/12/2021 20:21

I think you're being a bit woe is me. I get it, you told your husband and he thought he knew better, but this doesn't sound like it's the continuation of the sickness bug, just that she was overfed. I would suck it up and just think rationally like a parent. You're being a bit petulant about it.

LittleOwl153 · 22/12/2021 20:23

I would maybe conced to loosing the trip, IF your DH makes some time for you to get some ME time in the day or two before Christmas and doesn't just expect you to deal with it all. Balance is what is needed. If this is your only time to escape then I would strongly request that DH takes on the missed nursery - if indeed that is possible. Mental health is so important.

HardbackWriter · 22/12/2021 20:25

I can't see how the DH has done anything wrong, much less why he needs to pay for it somehow!

icedcoffees · 22/12/2021 20:28

I thought she was well again, until this evening when she vomited. Which as per previous posts I'm not convinced isn't due to overfeeding on DHs part

Please don't blame your DH unless you'd be happy for him to do the same if the tables were turned.

It's very normal for kids to get bugs, appear better and then vomit again - it's why schools have the 48 hour rule in place.

Thepineapplemystery · 22/12/2021 20:28

@SeaToSki

If she threw up because she is still sick, she would have thrown up the crackers too. And then you should keep her home.

But if she threw up because she was over fed on a still sensitive stomach then she can still go to nursery tomorrow

Be honest and see how she is in the morning after breakfast
,

This is how I see it as well. It doesn't sound like sickness from illness but from over feeding. I do t keep my kids off if they threw up because they ate too much, jumped around too much or had a coughing fit but do if they are actually ill.

rainyskylight · 22/12/2021 20:33

YABVU. @SeaToSki has it correctly.

If your daughter is indeed actually sick (and didn’t just overeat) then your partner should go to work and you skip the jolly.

Perhaps soup wasn’t the best meal all in all. Seems like maybe she was over hungry and needed something a bit heavier with less liquid so it’s not so easy to overeat.

Stade197 · 22/12/2021 20:34

I understand you want some you time and every mum deserves a rare day out to see their friends, however your friend will understand kids are unpredictable so will understand if you have to re-arrange. Its not ideal when you are desperate for a day off but its not fair expecting hubby to stay home again letting his workplace down. I would try not to think about it too much, go to sleep and see how DD is in the morning, you could be doing all this stressing for nothing if she is fine to go to nursery in the morning and you can still carry on with your plans

rainyskylight · 22/12/2021 20:34

Tbh OP it sounds like you’re stir crazy and lashing out. It’s totally understandable but try and take a moment and look at things reasonably. Xx

Viviennemary · 22/12/2021 20:41

YABU. Do you contribute financially to the household. You dont seem to realise that work takes precedence over meeeting a friend.

DasherDotComet · 22/12/2021 20:43

I totally get how you’re feeling but I think you should cancel.
A couple of weeks ago my 10month old was sick twice within an hour on the Saturday, we assumed teething (he’s been sick due to this before) and he’d just been in the car straight after eating so could of been that. Nothing after that.
Monday comes and my mother in law has him for the day.
Tuesday he goes to nursery as it’s been 2 days anyway since sick.
Also on Tuesday I get S&D and then on Wednesday my mil and her whole house gets it too.
I also managed to give it to someone at work when I was in on the Monday (I’d felt completely fine so no suspicions)
We’d had a play date planned for the Wednesday which I was sooooo looking forward too/needing but we cancelled and I’m glad we did as we probably would of given it to all them too.
If you do give it to your friend she’ll probably come down with it on Christmas Day which would be so rubbish for her.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 22/12/2021 20:47

I would lay on the guilt / it’s his fault she was sick and you have to postpone plans. And then plan a proper catch up after the Xmas holidays. I can understand how fed up you are but with your recent sickness you probably shouldn’t be meeting your friend anyway and who wants to risk picking up covid for Xmas?

Original poster

vomvomandmoreeffingvom · 22/12/2021 20:48

@Stade197 She does understand completely and we have spoken and will rearrange, however as PPs have said, I'm a bit 'woe is me' right now. Sleep deprived and just a bit sad.

@rainyskylight definitely stir crazy, haven't been out of the house AT ALL or seen anyone other than DD or DH for a full week.

@Viviennemary As stated earlier, yes I work. I contribute to the house.

@DasherDotComet DD is my first and im currently going through the illness baptism of fire that is starting nursery. Taking on board advice from PPs that kids can seem better but actually aren't. I have cancelled plans tomorrow as I know in my rational mind that is sensible but my emotional mind is just a bit sad and low about it!

OP posts:

Fuuuuuckit · 22/12/2021 20:51

If she's been well for 2 days after a vom bug, and there's an obvious reason for her bringing up her dinner (ie wolfing it all down) then I'd send her to nursery.

My dd was sent home from school one day within minutes of me getting to work. She'd eaten half of a giant bag of sherbert-filled flying saucers in her bedroom before school, and the teacher was incredibly complimentary about the colour of the vom. They allowed her back the next day when I discovered what she'd done.

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