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Original poster

Christmas with in laws

64 replies

Poppymonty3 · 22/12/2021 16:08

My partner and my in laws have got me wondering if I am being over sensitive.

This Christmas my in laws are coming over for lunch, for the third time in a row instead of my family. They just presume that this is how it is and don't ask anything about my family.

My partners grandmother has given us fifty pounds to spend on food for the day which is very generous and I was very grateful for this and insisted she took it back but she refused. She also gave us a big bag of presents to put under the tree for the day. There was presents for everyone in the bag except me. She does usually get me Christmas gifts.

My partners grandmother's is big on treating everyone in the family equally - she would never give or buy anything for my partner without buying or spending the same on his sister. However, she has brought presents for my sister in laws partner but not me.

My partner mentioned to her that this upset me and her response was that I get upset easily and she gave me fifty pound for the food. I didn't realise that this was my Christmas gift... My partner seems to agree with her.

I really feel like I have done something wrong but my partner seems to think I am over sensitive and is acting like I am almost being greedy asking for presents but this is not how I feel. I don't care what the gift is, it just bothers me that I was left out.

I really don't feel like cooking for them Christmas day anymore. They never seem to appreciate it or the fact that I am cooking for them and not my own family.

Am I being dramatic?

OP posts:
Bubblty · 22/12/2021 16:11

Shes treating you like a hired chef.

DisforDarkChocolate · 22/12/2021 16:12

Spend it all on gin and leave them to cook their own meal.

PS your husband is a prick.

TheHoptimist · 22/12/2021 16:12

Cant your DP cook?

Put your feet up and enjoy the fizz.

DingDongDenny · 22/12/2021 16:13

So your present is to buy the food, cook the food, probably clean up after and eat a small portion of it

I think if the £50 is your present then stuff that. Buy yourself something nice with the money and tell your (D)H to get himself off to the shops and then into the kitchen. It's his turn

SometimesMaybe · 22/12/2021 16:13

Take the money and buy something nice for yourself. Tell DP that he’s cooking and let him host (you can “assist” but he’s in charge) and then you see Your family next year.

happychristmasbum · 22/12/2021 16:14

You are being bullied and need to start standing up for yourself.

Buy yourself something nice with the £50.

Tell Dh he can cook Christmas dinner, you are taking a break this year. And next year you are spending it with your family.

RowsOfHolly · 22/12/2021 16:14

Spend the £50 on yourself and feed your DH’s family in the household budget.

And next year make arrangements with your family (early, before they plan different) and don’t host your ILs.

happychristmasbum · 22/12/2021 16:14

Great minds think alike @SometimesMaybe Xmas Grin

RowsOfHolly · 22/12/2021 16:15

“Brilliant! I didn’t realise the £50 was for me, that’s fantastic, thank you “ and off to the shops faster than Comet and Dasher and Dancer and Blitzen…

Billyliarohdear · 22/12/2021 16:17

Why on Earth have you said yes to them coming AGAIN?
What do you say to your own parents about this?

Merryoldgoat · 22/12/2021 16:18

£50 for food isn’t a fucking present.

My DH would be livid if his parents did that to me but they never would.

BackBackBack · 22/12/2021 16:18

Tell your partner that as the £50 is apparently your present you're off shopping with it, and he can buy and prep the food for the ILs as you'll be spending it at your parents. Win win.

TooWicked · 22/12/2021 16:21

Buy yourself a £50 bottle of champagne and open it on Christmas morning for yourself.

When your DP’s family arrive on Christmas Day, ask him very loudly in front of them what time is he serving lunch.

AnotherMansCause · 22/12/2021 16:21

They'd be getting bloody small portions if they did that to me...

SmallElephant · 22/12/2021 16:22

Why are you seeing them for the third time in a row rather than your own family? You need to put your foot down OP!

ITakeCharge · 22/12/2021 16:28

I would spend the $50 on something for myself, go out somewhere or visit my own family and leave the partner to cook, host and clean up after his own family and have nothing further to do with them depending on the ages of any children involved. That's what I like to think I'd do - in reality I would probably tolerate hosting for this year but put less effort in and expect partner to do more, and then refuse to host them again for a very long time if ever. Either way, he can cook, I wouldn't be cooking for them.

Possibly slightly bitter as my own plans have been derailed by a much looked forward to visitor having to cancel at last minute to self isolate.

Sn0tnose · 22/12/2021 16:32

Your partner is a dickhead and it’s pretty clear where he’s got it from. It’s not about getting a present. It’s about being treated like a skivvy and then forgotten about when it comes to being treated like a member of the family. How is the £50 a gift if you have to spend it all on food and drink for his family, which you then have to cook and clean up afterwards?

And, actually, I don’t think the grandmother was being particularly generous to give you £50 for the food. Three years on the trot she and your partner’s family have turned up, eaten your food and drunk your drink. I’d love to see her get that anywhere else for £50.

There is absolutely no way I’d be cooking for them this year. Give your partner the £50 and tell him it’s his turn. And then either sit back and let him crack on or, better still, go and spend Christmas with your family. If you don’t take a stand now, you’ll be putting up with this shit forever more.

beenthereboughtthetshirt · 22/12/2021 16:36

This is why you spend Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing Day in your own home and see them in theirs the fortnight before to exchange gifts if you must.

Shamoo · 22/12/2021 16:37

As others say, if that’s the case then tell DH he can do all the shopping and cooking this year as you don’t want to. Buy yourself something with the £50. And see why the reaction is!

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 22/12/2021 16:39

Go to your parents. Use the £50 for a train ticket, bottle of bubbly, anything.

But go somewhere you are loved

Original poster
Poppymonty3 · 22/12/2021 16:39

Thank you. I have said that we are definatley having my family over next year which my partner wasn't too pleased about as he said his grandmother may not have many Christmases left... My reply to that was that he cannot keep saying that every year and you could say that about anyone.

To be fair to her, we do have an envelope on the tree with both of our names on, which everybody else does too, which may have money inside. But I feel like this is really a gift for my partner and my name has been stuck on it to save me complaining. Sister in law and partner have this too.

OP posts:
LawnFever · 22/12/2021 16:42

I agree you should say ‘oh £50 for me how generous!’ spend it on something lovely for yourself and tell your DH he’s in charge of food shopping, cooking & all tidying up after them all while you relax and drink gin/fizz/tea.

ITakeCharge · 22/12/2021 16:42

Maybe I wouldn't spend the $50 on myself after all - I think a better idea might be to set the budget for the entire Christmas hosting at $50 - food, drinks, everything and then thank them for generously covering the cost of the 3rd Christmas in a row you've hosted for them, that might solve your problem of ever having to host them again as although I am not in the UK I assume $50 will be a drop in the ocean in terms of what it actually costs to host a large group.

Holothane · 22/12/2021 16:42

You get that envelope and spent the joint money on yourself you’ve earned it.

winnieanddaisy · 22/12/2021 16:55

On Boxing Day take your husbands present back to the shop and buy yourself something with the money.