Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Christmas with in laws

64 replies

Poppymonty3 · 22/12/2021 16:08

My partner and my in laws have got me wondering if I am being over sensitive.

This Christmas my in laws are coming over for lunch, for the third time in a row instead of my family. They just presume that this is how it is and don't ask anything about my family.

My partners grandmother has given us fifty pounds to spend on food for the day which is very generous and I was very grateful for this and insisted she took it back but she refused. She also gave us a big bag of presents to put under the tree for the day. There was presents for everyone in the bag except me. She does usually get me Christmas gifts.

My partners grandmother's is big on treating everyone in the family equally - she would never give or buy anything for my partner without buying or spending the same on his sister. However, she has brought presents for my sister in laws partner but not me.

My partner mentioned to her that this upset me and her response was that I get upset easily and she gave me fifty pound for the food. I didn't realise that this was my Christmas gift... My partner seems to agree with her.

I really feel like I have done something wrong but my partner seems to think I am over sensitive and is acting like I am almost being greedy asking for presents but this is not how I feel. I don't care what the gift is, it just bothers me that I was left out.

I really don't feel like cooking for them Christmas day anymore. They never seem to appreciate it or the fact that I am cooking for them and not my own family.

Am I being dramatic?

OP posts:

HanSB · 22/12/2021 20:06

The whole family sound selfish especially your partner. It’s not a generous gesture when they expect you to buy everything, cook and clean up. Is your time really worth that? Tell the grandma to give the £50 to the sister or someone else to sort out all of Christmas. They are taking advantage of you. Obviously they have it so easy they don’t want you to host your own family. That would be way too considerate for them. It wouldn’t have crossed their minds or if it did they don’t give a s**t about your feelings.

NightDreaming · 22/12/2021 20:15

What??? I’m annoyed about the £50 non present thing, but “demanding” to cut the turkey?? What a dick. You’re doing all the work. He’s demanding to step in at the end, to do the easy job, where he will be praised for it?

NightDreaming · 22/12/2021 20:16

@Poppymonty3

You're right. Nobody else has offered to contribute. They usually raid through the cubboards and ask for really random things we don't have. Father in law has demanded that he carves the turkey - I think this is him trying to be helpful?

Sorry. Meanyt to have tagged this onto the message above.

PappaPaddy · 22/12/2021 20:21

OP this is happening because you allow it to!

You've hosted his family the last couple of years, and they just take it as a given now, and invite themselves along. You are missing out with Christmas with your family... Why?
The £50 crap is just that, crap! How can it be your Christmas gift, if you're expected to buy food with it?

Just tell your partner there's a change of plan this year, and you'll be spending Christmas Day with your family.
Let your partner shop, cook and clean up after his family.

None of them seem appreciative that you host them every year. They're on to a good thing really aren't they? You need to stop being a doormat and start being tougher with them.
They sound like rude, inconsiderate, nasty people to be honest

BerriesAndPineCones · 22/12/2021 20:28

I hope the voting reassures you that yanbu.

Clarice99 · 22/12/2021 20:32

YANBU at all.

Your husband is an asshole.

I'd disinvite them all, including the husband. Better still, pack a bag and take yourself off to visit your family for a few days and leave them to sort out their own Christmas dinner.

Dashel · 22/12/2021 20:33

I agree with others, you need to stand up for yourself.

Why are you doing all the cooking? There is no way That it is reasonable that you cook for everyone every year and don’t even get a proper present.

Does your DP pull his weight at home or just expect you to do all the pink jobs and he gets the final say?

Something tells me that he won’t spend Christmas with your family next year, it will be you compromising to see his family again or you spend it apart.

billy1966 · 22/12/2021 20:34

He sounds awful and so does his family.

You don't spend Christmas with your family so you can skivvy for his family?

Why have you so little respect for yourself?

No wonder they treat you badly, you have shown them that they can walk all over you for 3 years.

We teach people how to treat us.

No way would I be imposed upon by his awful family for 3 years and not invite my family around.

He thinks so little of you that he thinks his awful family should come next year too?🙄

If you had ANY respect for yourself, you would tell him to cook for HIS family because you are spending YOUR Christmas with YOUR family.

If you have children with this waster, expect to be treated like shit.

But don't be surprised or pretend you weren't warned.

He's awful.
His family are awful.
You have zero respect for yourself.
He certainly isn't in love with you.
This will not end well for you.

You're welcome.

Worldwide2 · 22/12/2021 20:53

I dont understand why your putting up with this? Let him host Christmas and you go spend it with yours? Why can't you do that? Are you scared of going against them or something?

Bananarama21 · 22/12/2021 20:54

Sod that would I do all that.

Tangelablue · 22/12/2021 21:01

You are not being unreasonable to be upset. I get the impression you will be hosting Christmas dinner despite what we all think but if I was you I would do a toast nan at the end of dinner and thank her for for the £50 contribution towards the cost of the food. Be lovely and keep eye contact. If she has any decency she will feel ashamed of herself.

DismantledKing · 22/12/2021 21:02

@happychristmasbum

You are being bullied and need to start standing up for yourself.

Buy yourself something nice with the £50.

Tell Dh he can cook Christmas dinner, you are taking a break this year. And next year you are spending it with your family.

Exactly this

VinylCafe · 22/12/2021 21:12

@Totalwasteofpaper

Fuck that for a game of soldiers

I would take the £50 and get yourself something really nice it’s your present after all…
I’d also slip off to my parents house on Christmas morning for the day and let him cook for his own sodding family.

This!

£50 is not enough to host a Christmas meal for a family and I wonder if it was a misunderstanding and was meant as a gift for yourself especially since there's no gift under the tree for you. Definitely buy yourself something lovely and go to your family for Christmas this year. Your 'D'p can sort out his family's Christmas meal.

SlashBeef · 22/12/2021 21:17

Yanbu to be upset but yabu to tolerate this.
Stick up for yourself.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread