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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christmas with in laws

64 replies

Poppymonty3 · 22/12/2021 16:08

My partner and my in laws have got me wondering if I am being over sensitive.

This Christmas my in laws are coming over for lunch, for the third time in a row instead of my family. They just presume that this is how it is and don't ask anything about my family.

My partners grandmother has given us fifty pounds to spend on food for the day which is very generous and I was very grateful for this and insisted she took it back but she refused. She also gave us a big bag of presents to put under the tree for the day. There was presents for everyone in the bag except me. She does usually get me Christmas gifts.

My partners grandmother's is big on treating everyone in the family equally - she would never give or buy anything for my partner without buying or spending the same on his sister. However, she has brought presents for my sister in laws partner but not me.

My partner mentioned to her that this upset me and her response was that I get upset easily and she gave me fifty pound for the food. I didn't realise that this was my Christmas gift... My partner seems to agree with her.

I really feel like I have done something wrong but my partner seems to think I am over sensitive and is acting like I am almost being greedy asking for presents but this is not how I feel. I don't care what the gift is, it just bothers me that I was left out.

I really don't feel like cooking for them Christmas day anymore. They never seem to appreciate it or the fact that I am cooking for them and not my own family.

Am I being dramatic?

OP posts:
PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 22/12/2021 16:59

Is there a reason why you can't go to your parents and let your "D" P host his family on his own?
You could use the £50 for a taxi there and back if it's not too far so you can enjoy yourself and have a drink or 2. Halo

Loudestcat14 · 22/12/2021 17:00

Spend the 50 quid on a train ticket to visit your family instead and leave your partner to host his.

watingroom2 · 22/12/2021 17:03

SPEND THAT MONEY ON YOURSELF>..

Send your OH to the shop. Tell him to cook.

Don't take anything less.

HyacynthBucket · 22/12/2021 17:03

You are not a Christmas slave. Go away to your own family for the day using the £50 to get there, and leave your entitled DH to cook, clean and cater for his own ungrateful family. Its time to see your own family.

Chloemol · 22/12/2021 17:04

Just say great, thanks for the£50 and spend it on yourself

Then, as you say, next years it’s your parents turn

BingBongToTheMoon · 22/12/2021 17:04

Take the £50 and buy yourself a new suitcase and feck off to your parents!
No way would I put up with that nonsense.

WB205020 · 22/12/2021 17:17

Do you have kids with your DH? If not i would suggest you tell your DH you are going to your parents / family on Xmas day as you haven't seen them in several years at Xmas and you want to spend it with your family for a change.

Xmas can be a stressful time but the response from his Grandmother about the money is offensive and him agreeing with her doesnt put him in a good light. Go to your family this xmas and have a good time.

Totalwasteofpaper · 22/12/2021 17:33

Fuck that for a game of soldiers

I would take the £50 and get yourself something really nice it’s your present after all…
I’d also slip off to my parents house on Christmas morning for the day and let him cook for his own sodding family.

EbonanzaScrooge · 22/12/2021 17:42

OP that’s awful. Can you sneak a peek at the card ok the tree and see what it says/has inside? I would definitely be telling them all this year that next year you will be with your family. It doesn’t stop him spending it with his family if he’s so concerned about how long people have left.

You really need to start making a stand now. I dread to think what might happen if you marry your partner and have kids

mbosnz · 22/12/2021 17:55

Quite frankly, as you're the one doing all the hard yards, you should be getting a far more appreciative gift than anyone, in thanks for your kindness, hospitality, and hard work.

The £50 is something of a token gesture - appreciated - but is GM the only one that ever thinks to contribute? That's appalling!

And what about your extended family - you don't know how many years left you have to enjoy your much loved family members at Christmas, and you're being deprived of that, year on year, as you spend your time #makingyourinlaw'schristmasmemories. . . being treated as the skivvy, the maid, the chef, and the chief bottle washer. . .

They all need a bloody good kick up the bum, and coal in their stockings. Especially you're not so darling partner.

mbosnz · 22/12/2021 17:55

your. Shit. It's been a long day.

Original poster
Poppymonty3 · 22/12/2021 18:55

You're right. Nobody else has offered to contribute. They usually raid through the cubboards and ask for really random things we don't have. Father in law has demanded that he carves the turkey - I think this is him trying to be helpful?

OP posts:
Lockdowninfinity · 22/12/2021 19:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Poppymonty3 · 22/12/2021 19:05

If you read the post properly I was just asking if I am being oversensitive or not before I say something I may regret.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 22/12/2021 19:07

They raid your cupboards? I’d find that very rude, it’s not your family! And if they tried that, I’d tell them it wasn’t in the £50 budget! I certainly wouldn’t be cooking for them, your dh can do that.

Iloveacurry · 22/12/2021 19:10

Let your partner deal with his family. He can cook and run around after them. The old chestnut ‘she might not have many Christmases’ left’, you could say that about anyone.

Waspsarearseholes · 22/12/2021 19:17

Is your partner expecting you to run yourself ragged for his family? Has he actually had the fucking cheek to be annoyed that you're feeling put out by being treated like hired help (shitly paid hired help at that)? How dare he think that this is in any way ok. What would he say of you told him Christmas was on him this year? Utter bellend.

IWhipMyHairBackAndForth · 22/12/2021 19:36

That's terrible! The money is a contribution to the food!
Don't give them any presents and tell them their dinner that you've spent the day cooking is their bloody present!
That's awful and your partner should be supporting you in this.
So rude to not get you a gift when you're literally hosting them for the day and you're their daughter in law!!

caringcarer · 22/12/2021 19:42

Invite your own family next year. Make a big point of announcing at Xmas dinner next year your family will be coming over on Xmas day.

mbosnz · 22/12/2021 19:43

Don't give them any presents and tell them their dinner that you've spent the day cooking is their bloody present!

Even better. . .

Double3xposure · 22/12/2021 19:45

@SometimesMaybe

Take the money and buy something nice for yourself. Tell DP that he’s cooking and let him host (you can “assist” but he’s in charge) and then you see Your family next year.
This.
Sunflowers095 · 22/12/2021 19:56

Jesus why do you let everyone walk all over you?

Have some self respect! Why are you not taking it in turns? Why are you cooking for his family? Why do you just accept having a DH that seems like a prick?

HereIfYouNeedMe · 22/12/2021 19:58

@DingDongDenny

So your present is to buy the food, cook the food, probably clean up after and eat a small portion of it

I think if the £50 is your present then stuff that. Buy yourself something nice with the money and tell your (D)H to get himself off to the shops and then into the kitchen. It's his turn

⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 22/12/2021 20:02

You have bigger problems than the $50. You just get told you're hosting his family every year and then you just roll over and do it Shock

PoppityBoo · 22/12/2021 20:02

I’d use the £50 towards sorting out my divorce from my knob of a husband who ought to be backing me as his wife. Taking turns to host Xmas day is fine. Having it hogged by your in laws year after year with no gratitude or respect is a piss take.

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