To fear being single

[hanketypankety]

I would like to hear your positive stories please! My marriage is a mess but since I was young, I've always felt like it was important to be married or at least be with someone. I have a wonderful DS who is 6. But I'm terrified of being on my own. I'm even scared to be on my own at night which is thoroughly ridiculous at my age

How would you like your best friend to describe you?
You are awesome. On your own or not...never forget that. You are the valuable thing that only you can offer the world.

I think that if you view your feelings (as you were in your first couple of comments) as 'ridiculous' and 'stupid', then it will be scary to be alone. It's always horrible being around somebody who doesn't respect your feelings, even if it's yourself.

@AvocadoAndToast what you said about letting go of what might have been really resonated with me. It's been one of the toughest aspects of my marriage breaking up. What my ex did was a total curveball and pulled the rug right from under me so to speak. I'm ok though. Being single brings its advantages.

Hi OP

I felt like you. Had always been with someone and couldn't imagine being able to cope on my own.

Fast forward 8 years after my break up and I love it. Would NEVER go back to co habiting. It is so very free. I have a dd (8) so I am not completely alone, but I am genuinely happy I don't have to share with or depend on another adult.

I actually find being single more secure. Whenever a relationship ended, even if I was partly sad, I still find myself thinking "factpry settinge restored" with relief.

This is a great way to describe it and exactly how I feel. When I'm in a relationship even a good relationship I always feel I'm compromising myself. Being on your own you feel that you've got back to the essence of what's real about you. It's a great feeling.

I definitely feel like after my break up. The 'essence of me' (love that phrase) had got so diluted I couldnt even feel it anymore. Friends and family have commented how I am more me now

I really don’t recognise the description of single women as impoverished loners. My mental health is the best it’s ever been since I started living alone 4 years ago. I’ve now bought my own place - on my own, with no help, in London - I have a dog to have the sense of another presence in the house and I can spend my time (outside of work obviously) however I please. I’ve been isolating with covid the past week and I’ve had several people send me food and come round to walk the dog, in answer to the question of how we cope when ill. I feel so in tune with myself and who I am that I’m as scared of being in a relationship as some people are of being alone. I’m terrified of diluting that essence of who I am and having to compromise my wants. I put myself first all the time and this is how I want to live. I can’t see myself ever wanting to cohabit with anyone even if I did meet someone I saw myself with long term.