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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of DH never getting up in the night?

87 replies

Abicr · 22/12/2021 01:09

Baby doesn’t sleep. Wakes and spend hours trying to get him back down. I’m on my knees with tiredness.

DH never wakes. Ever. Lies there snoring. I’m sick of it.

Don’t say wake him. There’s no point as I’m awake then.

OP posts:
Stade197 · 22/12/2021 19:46

We also found baby sleeps better now he is in his own room, when he was in our room every tiny noise we made would disturb him and i found it hard to settle him after feeding

bedheadedzombie · 22/12/2021 19:56

My DH point blank refused to do nights or mornings (yes I thought of LTB! But that's not a solution either). What helped was going to bed really early, like 8 or 9 pm (can he do the baby till 11 or 12 before he goes to sleep?). Even if you can't sleep, just lying in bed rests your body more than staying awake upright. With some luck you'll sleep a few hours extra. Every extra hour helps to survive this. During the day drink a lot of (non caffeinated) tea. Don't ask me why it helps, maybe it's just the hydration but it helped me.

It will get easier.

TowandaForever · 22/12/2021 20:18

@bedheadedzombie

My DH point blank refused to do nights or mornings (yes I thought of LTB! But that's not a solution either). What helped was going to bed really early, like 8 or 9 pm (can he do the baby till 11 or 12 before he goes to sleep?). Even if you can't sleep, just lying in bed rests your body more than staying awake upright. With some luck you'll sleep a few hours extra. Every extra hour helps to survive this. During the day drink a lot of (non caffeinated) tea. Don't ask me why it helps, maybe it's just the hydration but it helped me.

It will get easier.

Does his attitude not kill your feelings for him?
jackiebenimble · 22/12/2021 20:53

I was this person. And i chose to be a martyr for many years. At the moment part of the reason you can't go back to sleep is that you are seething with resentment.

Even if you don't go back to sleep immediately why shouldn't you stay in bed warm and relaxing. Reading even. Over time you can train yourself to go back to sleep. It may take weeks or even months. But you can do it even it its not your natural disposition.

I have had to recently teach myself again as my partner has been on secondment to a job with very anti social hours. I started off huffing about how id never get back to sleep. And i usually do. Provided i am not stressed or anxious.

Original poster
Abicr · 22/12/2021 20:56

At the moment part of the reason you can't go back to sleep is that you are seething with resentment

Confused No, it isn’t

I mean yes, I do think ‘oh, FFS’ when DH is lying there snoring but he would and does wake and tend to DS when I prompt him. The problem is this wakes me up and then I can’t get back to sleep anyway.

It’s annoying bur it isn’t forever. I’m hoping it we have a second DC it won’t be as prone to waking as DS1!

OP posts:
fulanigirl · 22/12/2021 21:03

@BobMortimersTrout

I'm glad everyone's ignoring Rangoon's nonsense - yeah sure, being up with a baby is a modern invention... not like those thousands of years of evolution where a baby slept in the cave next door 🤣
This made me chuckle Grin
bedheadedzombie · 22/12/2021 21:44

@TowandaForever

A bit, yeah. But I'm not going to make a decision about that now.

CaddieDawg · 22/12/2021 22:02

How's your DHs hearing? Not making excuses for him but this same situation (when baby was a few weeks old) was why my DH finally had his tested and turns out he has 40% hearing loss and needs 2 hearing aids (although can't wear those sleeping).

I'm much the same in terms of once I'm awake, I'm awake, but I still woke my DH to deal with baby and it meant I could still rest /baby wouldn't get used to it always being me. Somehow not always getting me to cuddle etc helped get them back to sleep.

Eventually he did start hearing her on his own a lot more often, or would let me get an early night and stay awake longer etc so he was able to help.

Tootaloo · 22/12/2021 22:03

When DC was first born DP and I done shifts. He was downstairs whilst DC lay in his pram sleeping. I went to bed at 8pm and got up at 3am, and DP went to bed until he was up for work.

It meant we got 7 hours solid sleep each 🤷‍♀️

Tootaloo · 22/12/2021 22:07

@bedheadedzombie

My DH point blank refused to do nights or mornings (yes I thought of LTB! But that's not a solution either). What helped was going to bed really early, like 8 or 9 pm (can he do the baby till 11 or 12 before he goes to sleep?). Even if you can't sleep, just lying in bed rests your body more than staying awake upright. With some luck you'll sleep a few hours extra. Every extra hour helps to survive this. During the day drink a lot of (non caffeinated) tea. Don't ask me why it helps, maybe it's just the hydration but it helped me.

It will get easier.

Your husband sounds awful!! Imagine a mother refused to take of her child 🙄🙄
phishy · 22/12/2021 22:08

You’re in a catch-22 situation.

You don’t tell DH to get up with baby because you think you’re already awake so you might as well do it.

But because you don’t tell DH to wake up, baby gets used to you being the one to settle him.

Let DH get up with baby, if you’re awake, don’t get stressed, baby is safe with his dad, read a book or go on MN.

You need to get out of the mindset that you are the default parent.

olympicsrock · 22/12/2021 22:16

You need to sleep train DH and yourself. DH needs to adapt his thinking from “wife will sort it, back to sleep “ to “ my turn , need to wake up! “ DH and Little one need to be/go away from you. You need white noise/ a meditation/ audio book to help you go back to sleep.
You have years ahead and need to get this sorted. The solution is not you trying to cope and do it all

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