To think this is out of order and wonder if I should report it to my company

[Maddymorphosis]

I am in community care, I posted a couple of days ago on here explaining how a client's granddaughter had asked me in front of them all 'for a word', taken me to another room and told me I wasn't doing my job properly and needed to be a more dominant person as her grandmother hadn't been up and dressed in the morning.

She had wanted to stay in bed that day, I asked her twice to confirm and she stayed so I left.
I do understand the family's point.

Anyway thought it was done with, but I went back this morning and I saw a note on the table had been left , addressed to the teatime carer who wasn't me
The Granddaughter had in fact asked me if I would be coming back that evening and I said it wasn't me.
Anyway the note said 'Grandmother was not dressed and hadn't yet showered when I arrived this morning, I have given Maddy a talking to over this' and then just other instructions like please make her X for tea'

So the note was not destined for me but she had specifically mentioned my name on it and that she had 'had a word with me' and left it out for other carers.

I am pretty upset about this, I don't understand why she's done that, if it's to be spiteful or embarrass me. Or as a warning.

I took the note with me and I am contemplating whether to speak to my job about this and report it or just ignore it ?

Her calling me 'for a word' in front of everyone and telling me it wasn't good enough etc was also unprofessional, she could have spoken to my company

Does Grandma not get any say in whether she wants to get up and dressed if granddaughter is that insistent then she can bully grandma into it herself!
Yes report this to the care company before she causes trouble for you.

I think you should talk with your line manager.

If they are a good manager, they will speak with the grand daughter about how she is not responsible for any 'talking to' and that the note she left for another team member was inappropriate and has upset you.

Please don't take it to heart. You are doing your best, and rightly complying with the lady's wishes. I'm sure you give the best care you are able to.

The grandaughter is probably frustrated (understandably) but shouldn't take that out on you, nor should she be highlighting any issues she may have with other staff.

Well, you need to flag it up to whoever manages you that the granddaughter isn't happy. The issue to raise is about the occasions when the grandmother has refused to be dressed, not the granddaughter's behaviour. Presumably you keep a log of what you've done on each visit, so you can show that to prove that the refusal to be washed/dressed is an occasional thing.

I can see that you're in a tricky situation - if the lady you're caring for can't be persuaded to be dressed then you can't manhandle her into her clothes, can you?

I wouldn't say it's out of order. GD has a concern about the care her GM is receiving - she's right to raise it, and did so directly with you.

Whether it's a justified concern is another matter. If the GM wants to stay in bed all day, what impact does that have on the rest of her care for the day? Can she be cleaned/toiletted/fed if she remains in bed? If she can and has capacity to make that decision then reasonable for her to have a say. If though staying in bed means she wets the bed and doesn't eat then of course you need to get her out of bed.

If she has concerns she should report it to your manager.
I would speak to your line manager just to see what the ‘rules’ are. I understand the families concern but you can’t make her get dressed.

You did the right thing btw. Speak to your manager to cover yourself.

I wouldn't say it's out of order. GD has a concern about the care her GM is receiving - she's right to raise it, and did so directly with you.

But there was no reason at all to leave a note telling another care worker, who is not the manager, about it.

You need to flag it with your manager for future reference.
Is the grandmother deemed to have capacity?
If so, then you can't force her to do anything that she doesn't wish to do, including washing and dressing, which as a care giver you will be aware of.
Does the granddaughter have POA?
However, in this instance capacity or not, you need to inform your manager of the situation to cover yourself as much as anything else.

Report it to the office
Not your issue, it's for them to sort with family

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

I wouldn't say it's out of order. GD has a concern about the care her GM is receiving - she's right to raise it, and did so directly with you.

But there was no reason at all to leave a note telling another care worker, who is not the manager, about it.

Agreed that wasn't necessary, but being charitable perhaps evening carer had raised the lack of being up and dressed and the note was reassuring the evening carer that it shouldn't happen again.

I used to work in the office of a care company, you need to report it to them so they can speak to the granddaughter directly. If the client is of sound mind she can absolutely decide to stay in bed and get dressed when she wants so you would be supported by your company (if they are a decent company)

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

I wouldn't say it's out of order. GD has a concern about the care her GM is receiving - she's right to raise it, and did so directly with you.

But there was no reason at all to leave a note telling another care worker, who is not the manager, about it.

Exactly, kind of smacks of 'I'm the boss, I've dealt with Maddy and I'll deal with you if you don't do as instructed'.

Poor Grandma.

Does she have capacity regarding getting up and dressed?

Does the grandmother have dementia or other mental health or physical needs!? I'm presuming she is unable to wash & dress herself?
For skin integrity etc & to fulfil your job you need to really get her washed.
What if she never wanted to wash again & stay in bed covered in urine or sores.

Good luck with getting a full sized adult up and dressed who doesn't want to be. YANBU.

Speak to your line manager.

If Grandma wants to stay in her nightgown for a day then that is her choice.

Her wishes should come into it too and perhaps if the grand daughter checked with her then your ‘talking to’ would not have been necessary.

Not that she should have mentioned it to the evening carer in such a way either.

@ChorleyFMcominginyourears

I used to work in the office of a care company, you need to report it to them so they can speak to the granddaughter directly. If the client is of sound mind she can absolutely decide to stay in bed and get dressed when she wants so you would be supported by your company (if they are a decent company)

Excellent advice.

Yes I totally understand her point. She does have dementia but I can't drag her out of the bed.
I do understand but I just dislike her dealing with it in this way, leaving out a note for all to see with my name on it

@FannyFifer Even with dementia, she can still be deemed as having capacity, sounds mad I know, but under the MC act 2005 everyone is deemed to have capacity unless proven otherwise.
If she tries to wash the client against her wishes, then that is classed as assault.

I can see both sides of this TBH. When my mum was in the early stages of dementia we had a carer go in in the morning to get her up, washed, dressed, breakfast and make a lunch time snack.
Most mornings one of us would arrive at around 11.30 to find nothing done at all and the carer would write "Mrs ...." did not want to get up, dressed, declined breakfast" etc. There might sometimes be a sandwich left in the fridge but nothing else.
It was very frustrating because we would then have to coax mum into everything the carer was supposed to have done.

I have worked as a cleaner for a gentleman with dementia which meant I was often there both when the carers came and when the family was there. I witnessed him refusing to get dressed or eat anything when the carers came and then later telling his daughter they hadn’t been that morning or hadn’t offered him any food. There were times I would make him some lunch and he would tell his daughter ten minutes later he hadn’t had anything all day. It’s just the nature of the illness, he wasn’t deliberately lying. Thankfully his daughter was fully aware of how confused he would be.

Speak to your manager OP. The manager should ask the clients grand daughter to direct any issues to them and not to discuss it with other carers.

You need to be reasonably firm & persuasive, u can't force her but a firm cheery voice & get her up & washed. There's ways to get her moving, "c'mon let's get a wee wash then have a cuppa, I'll make u breakfast etc" jolly her along.
Is it more lack of time per client that's the issue? I know how tough it can be.

Yes you're totally right, I should try to phrase things like that to her.
I'm just thinking about if I should report the note, I might just leave it and ignore her, she's not worth it
Going to part time in 2 weeks anyway luckily but I'll keep trying to be firm

I would report it to your company, and give them your side of things. That way they have it on record and can decide how to proceed.

Report to your line manager. Tell he4 you had been ‘spoken to’ inappropriately but we’re going to leave it until you saw the note

Confirm you asked the Grandmother twice about getting out of bed, she didn’t want to and you can’t force her

Ask the LM to speak to the family and tell them this is not acceptable