To think this is out of order and wonder if I should report it to my company

[Maddymorphosis]

I am in community care, I posted a couple of days ago on here explaining how a client's granddaughter had asked me in front of them all 'for a word', taken me to another room and told me I wasn't doing my job properly and needed to be a more dominant person as her grandmother hadn't been up and dressed in the morning.

She had wanted to stay in bed that day, I asked her twice to confirm and she stayed so I left.
I do understand the family's point.

Anyway thought it was done with, but I went back this morning and I saw a note on the table had been left , addressed to the teatime carer who wasn't me
The Granddaughter had in fact asked me if I would be coming back that evening and I said it wasn't me.
Anyway the note said 'Grandmother was not dressed and hadn't yet showered when I arrived this morning, I have given Maddy a talking to over this' and then just other instructions like please make her X for tea'

So the note was not destined for me but she had specifically mentioned my name on it and that she had 'had a word with me' and left it out for other carers.

I am pretty upset about this, I don't understand why she's done that, if it's to be spiteful or embarrass me. Or as a warning.

I took the note with me and I am contemplating whether to speak to my job about this and report it or just ignore it ?

I'm sorry but you shouldn't have taken the note, and as you have I think you should report it now.
I'm a little taken aback by you saying 'she's not worth it', I'm assuming you mean the GD. She really is just concerned about her grandma, rightly or wrongly.

I disagree, it sounds like she enjoys taking people to task and undermining them. If she has concerns, there is a procedure.

And of course the OP meant the granddaughter is 'not worth it'. No need to be insulting.

I'm sorry but you shouldn't have taken the note,

You were absolutely right to take the note OP. You were named in it and it is the only proof that the grand daughter did this.

Do you have a book everything is written in? My nan used to it would be time started "x refused to get up said she was tired did baby wash changed pad pants and pj's returned to bed with tea and toast meds given" time ended so the next carer would have a record of her refusal

Eventually we put her on a later wake up call because why does she need to be up at 7am? She doesn't have a job ffs

And I'm not suggesting that reassurance, encouragements aren't absolutely a part of the role, not to mention building that rapport with the people you are caring for, understanding their cues, the way they communicate
Person centred care is not a new concept
Equally, people absolutely have a right to say, ya know what, I have a headache this morning, I'm lounging in bed for a bit, no matter whether they require care with daily living or not
People can very well get institutionalised in their own homes too when run to a very vigorous time schedule
I am very, very aware of the many flaws in the health and social care system, from peads to dementia to palliative services
OP did not say I left service user in soiled bedding and didn't give pressure care because they grumbled at me.... she just respected somebody's wishes
No whether that was right or wrong, I can't say when I don't know the person, or their care plan, or their needs
And let's not get too identifying on her either or confidentiality is going to become an issue
Nothing is black or white with people's lives
My advice OP? Report it, check in with other carers on the package, maybe you're inexperienced, maybe the family can be rigid, maybe the lady prefers an evening shower for all we know

Sorry, that was in response to Fannyfifer

You need to raise the note with management and it was really poor of the granddaughter to leave a note like that.

However, there are many ways to cajole someone into having some form of care. You could have let her freshen up her hands and face and changed her nightie. Breakfast in bed etc. Usually with a bit of time and some chit chat, people are much more likely to accept the care. Yes, it is her choice at the end of the day but she is at risk of self neglect and that is the reason she has the care.

You sound quite new to the job, and these skills are ones that come with time. Its not about being firm at all, quite the opposite in most cases. Its about being kind, gentle and understanding. Some do need a firmer tone and some need a more jokey type stance. You learn to read people over time and find the best way, but you really can't just leave someone because they immediately say no.

Hope you're OK OP

I've worked in a care home for people with dementia albeit about 16 years ago (sprightly 18 year old then). Care homes are a lot stricter now than they were then. However even back then it was an impossible task to get some of the patients up and dressed, and usually we would have to leave them till last and sometimes please with them (some carers were horribly forceful but that's for another thread).

Some families would always be scrutinising, and they were always the ones that KNEW their relative in care was impossible. There's a reason why they end up in care, dementia is a very complex and difficult condition to deal with especially for family members, and care workers are a godsend.

Tell your bosses. And I hope that snooty cow understands that autonomy and choice are not things that completely diminish in dementia. Her relative will always have a choice. And you were wonderful to respect that an log it accordingly

Plead**

I was a home carer for many years and our instructions were always to prompt the client to get up, washed, dressed, eat, take meds etc. We were not to try and force anyone if they refused. It should be recorded in the client care log and if any other issues, then phone the office to report . These are humans we are dealing with and are within their rights to refuse help

Care is hard and this is a tough situation, but if I’m honest, OP, you are not covering yourself in glory here.

So what if the GD left a note with your name on it. She was incoming the other carer, that she had a concern with the care of her grandmother. From what you wrote it appears to be a factual statement.

So now you want to hide the evidence? In your line of work transparency and honesty is paramount. I would expect if your coworker got the note they would have already known about the situation from your notes and handed it over to your manager to sort out.

As a manager reading your comments here my first thought is what else are you hiding. That is not where you want to be … I wouldn’t tolerate it and I don’t even work in care,

Tell your bosses. And I hope that snooty cow understands that autonomy and choice are not things that completely diminish in dementia. Her relative will always have a choice. And you were wonderful to respect that an log it accordingly

Glad to know what careers think of concerned family. Oh the stories I could tell as a snooty cow about my interactions trying to get carers to, ya know< perform care duties while my temporarily cognitively deficient mother went through rehab. If it were up to them she’d be pissing herself and vegetative. Instead she’s back to being a fully functioning adult.

I'd love to see these people who are saying you should have given her a wash doing it without her consent.

I would speak to the manager as they need to find out if maybe she needs a later call, or just a wash and breakfast in bed maybe?

A good idea rather than asking her, try and be more suggestive than asking iyswim?
e.g. fill a bowl with water and give her a flannel and say 'why dont you give your hands and face a wash?' You'll tend to find they want to do it themselves, and that might prompt her to do more. With getting dressed you could say something like 'what do you want to wear today?' And open the wardrobe and pick 2 things for her to choose from. Obviously she might still not want to get up but I think she's more likely to do it if you take that kind of approach

It is a hard job, I did it for a while and I used to be a qualified nurse. Some relatives and even some of the people I cared for would say 'you used to be a nurse and now you're doing THIS?!! Why?!' And I was like well I didn't want to stay in nursing. I enjoy the job and like helping people lol

My elderly neighbour has carers once a day at 5.00pm. She lives alone and isn't able to cook for herself, no relatives whatsoever.
If I'm at home I usually give her a breakfast or light lunch, otherwise she doesn't eat until 5.00pm. She's judged as having full mental capacity and only wants carers once a day.The carers are cross with me if I provide any food but I can't let her fast until 5.00pm every day. They tell me they need to log meal provision in her book, it's a messed up system in every way.