Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

<sigh> My Mother and Facebook

110 replies

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 21/12/2021 13:14

I'm being all calm and explanatory in real life, but honestly my DM just doesn't get the peripheral nature of Facebook. She seems to feel that someone posting things that she isn't interested in is the equivalent of someone constantly engaging her in conversation about a subject that she's not interested in and not shutting up. So she complains about other people's behaviour, like my cousin posts too many photos apparently. Hmm

I deliberately didn't add her as a FB friend. She sent me a friend request, which I accepted to keep the peace. The she complained that she was seeing too many posts that were nothing to do with her. I'm pretty active on various special interest FB groups so she was seeing things that I had put up about quilting or crochet or Strictly. So I restricted what she could see.

Then today one managed to slip through my restrictions and she phoned me in a huff to ask why I hadn't told her that I'd had a three-day stomach bug. Hmm I hadn't and told her so, so she asked why I was lying on FB. Hmm Eventually, after a lot of searching, it turned out that one of my FB friends had posted about not being sure a quilt would be finished in time because he'd had a stomach bug and I had commented underneath. So I explained that, but apparently it was definitely me that said it and not someone else and she's going to take a photo of it to prove it to me.

So I've double checked the exclusions and made them stronger. I'm thinking about unfriending her and claiming it was a FB glitch if she notices.

No advice needed (and I'm pretty sure that IANBU), I just feel better for having off-loaded that.

OP posts:
BobbieT1999 · 21/12/2021 13:15

Ugh, sounds like a nightmare, you have my sympathies!!

Kbyodjs · 21/12/2021 13:18

You have my sympathies; on a weekly basis I have to remind a family member that just because they read something on Facebook it doesn’t make it real. They then deny they read it on Facebook but mostly it turns out they did…

Thebathneedscleaned · 21/12/2021 13:18

Oh my god, how old is your mum?!

Even my luddite DM in her 70s gets Facebook and she can't operate her knew dishwasher.

MoonbeamSprinkles · 21/12/2021 13:18

My grandma is exactly like this.

She gets really annoyed if people post ‘too much’ and doesn’t realise that she’s sometimes seeing things from a while back because she doesn’t follow that many people.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 21/12/2021 13:20

I'm thinking about unfriending her and claiming it was a FB glitch if she notices.

I would just tell her truthfully that I was deleting her because she was such a nightmare.

AngelonTopoftheTree · 21/12/2021 13:21

Oh what a pain in the arse! Could you come off Facebook for a few days, delete her as a friend and then go back on again without her?

Cheeseandlobster · 21/12/2021 13:24

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Does your mum always think the world revolves around her or has Facebook created a monster? Facebook does often bring out the worst in people. If she is normally a sane and reasonable person just tell her you love her but you won't be friends with her on Facebook as it causes too much drama.

Shedmistress · 21/12/2021 13:25

My mother says on every single one of my posts 'Don't do too much'.

I've just moved to a house with a huge garden in order to do loads of things in the garden. I fully intend every single day to 'do too much'. It is literally the reason I moved.

But 'don't do too much'. Sigh.

Original poster
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 21/12/2021 13:26

@Kbyodjs

You have my sympathies; on a weekly basis I have to remind a family member that just because they read something on Facebook it doesn’t make it real. They then deny they read it on Facebook but mostly it turns out they did…
At least she understands that FB assertions are not necessarily true. And we also put a firm stop to her buying anything advertised on FB. It wasn't possible to teach her how to discriminate between genuine goods and cheap knock-off copies so we just told her to assume that everything for sale on FB is a scam/rip-off.

She's 80 and reasonably technology-adept, it's more the underlying social nature of FB that she doesn't get. It works a bit like a newspaper, there are things of interest and things that you don't bother reading and skim past. She seems to think it's more of a direct communication, like an email or text message, so gets annoyed that her time and attention is taken up with things that are not relevant to her.

OP posts:
Pericombobulations · 21/12/2021 13:27

My mum complained that a relative shouldnt keep posting the same photo as she saw it every time she logged in. She wouldnt believe me that its just the way facebook works showing the same photo as people kept liking it, not the poster resharing the same photo every day.

She now complaining that another relative is posting holiday photos, and wont believe me when I say that they are resharing historic photos.

That combined with she opens a new window everytime, and doesnt understand why her tablet then breaks or clicks on post a comment and cant close it afterwards. I then have to drive to hers to fix it.

I feel your pain.

HowRudeolfYou · 21/12/2021 13:39

If you look at some of the comments on some of the ads it's not just your Mum.

I've seen "GET OFF MY FACEBOOK" or "STOP SENDING ME THESE ADVERTS" in the comments of some ads.

My own Mum used to think the "people you may know" are people who putting themselves into her suggestions and would be very suspicious as to why her ex husbands family would be suggested to her. And yes for adverts too. She's been scammed twice when she first joined but thankfully she's got it now.

HowRudeolfYou · 21/12/2021 13:41

There's a Facebook group called "please show to Jim" which has so many people examples of the same type of stuff.

sasparilla1 · 21/12/2021 13:47

I feel your pain on this one!!

The worst thing my sister ever did was show DM how to sign up to Facebook. She went through and commented on all my post and pictures going back years....

She has macular degenerative disease so doesn't bother now, which is great!

JustJustWhy · 21/12/2021 13:54

I'd been on FB for years and it was a bit of a lifeline back then...then I got a dreaded request from Mum. I told her that I'd accept her request but didn't want her to pull me up on anything I wrote. Literally, the first photo she saw she took issue with. She's still on now all these years later and she also says friends and family post too much that she's not interested in. Even more annoying, she's a FB ghost. She contributes absolutely nothing, just criticises what everyone else posts!

Thewiseoneincognito · 21/12/2021 13:56

I have a similar family member. Got rid of Facebook because they couldn’t be bothered seeing all the stuff people were posting. Err ok don’t whinge about being unable to see friends and family due to Covid and not being in the loop. 🙄

TremendouslyJolly · 21/12/2021 13:59

I’d take your mum over mine OP, I get spammed constantly with countless links to things she’s seen on FB. I get about 8 a day through messenger and WhatsApp - “funny” photos she’s seen, links to ads for stuff for my kids, news items etc, it drives me fucking bonkers.

Jacaranda75 · 21/12/2021 13:59

My Mum thinks if she posts someone’s name in her status update, then only they will see it, eg “Jacaranda, did you know your Uncle Ernie has been having an affair behind Aunty Jen’s back? It’s with the lady who works in the Nationwide. You know, the chubby one. Aunty Jen doesn’t know.”

Well, she does now Mum Hmm.

JoBrodie · 21/12/2021 13:59

How does your mum access Facebook? I use it on my laptop (I don't have the app on my phone) and have a favourite / pre-set button in my bookmarks that points to www.facebook.com/?sk=h_chr - the bit at the end means I only ever see reverse chronological posts (plus unavoidable promoted crap that I just skip over).

This makes Facebook a much less busy experience, so I recommend it. But this won't be much use if she just uses the phone app of course :)

Jo

LefttoherownDevizes · 21/12/2021 14:02

FIL doesn't get FB either, every bite and again he'll post something like 'Bosch washing machine manual'. Or he's go through DHs olds photos and tag him and comment 'hello, what are you up to today?' or similar. He's only in his 70s so not that old!

hazelnutlatte · 21/12/2021 14:03

If it helps, my 80 year old father in law kept updating his status when he meant to search for something- when he updated his status with the name of the woman he had an affair with 20 years ago I thought it was best to unfriend him!
I don't know if anyone has informed him of his error but some people really shouldn't use social media - I expect he will be updating everyone with his passwords next

emmathedilemma · 21/12/2021 14:04

We made a family pact that no one was to ever show my mum how to use facebook! Safe in the knowledge she will never work it out herself. A shared photo album pacified her moans that we all know what's happening through facebook.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 21/12/2021 14:11

I know a man (who always gave me creep vibes IRL) who updated his FB status with a photo of another man’s, (who wasn’t his FB friend) teenage daughters. Well it totally kicked off! Father of the girls was tagged by someone under the status, and he posted “can you explain why you have a photo of my children on your FB page” creepy man stuttered and spluttered about it being a mistake and said he would delete it. Which he thought would happen by him posting “delete photo” repeatedly under the status. Confused

MrsLeclerc · 21/12/2021 14:11

Sympathy OP. DM believes a lot of what she reads on there and I’ve had to have a few conversations about critical thinking (she assumes it’s true if it looks remotely like a ‘news’ site). She also can’t understand why the comments sections turn so fast. At least she’s too scared to enter the fray!

My aunt keeps posting private messages on her timeline and tagging the people she wants to contact. She’s asked for someone’s address to send them a Christmas card this week!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/12/2021 14:12

My Mum's just discovered Twitter and it's turned her into a monster

ElftonWednesday · 21/12/2021 14:16

My mum didn't get it either for similar reasons. Probably there will be tech which I can't fathom when I'm in my 80s. She does pretty well generally.