To think she could have stayed a bit longer

[LittleRedLeaf]

DH's aunt repeatedly offered to drop everything and come up to help us out with our toddler if/when I went into labour with our second. Turns out we didn't end up with a drop everything scenario as she was visiting us at the weekend when DS made an appearance. Now it's less than 24 hours since I gave birth, DS is in SCBU, I'm unwell and once DH leaves us he's subject to really restricted visiting hours because of covid. Plus we are in DH's home country so if he's not with me there's a bit of a language/cultural barrier. And now she's decided she's had enough and is going back home...

I mean, I know she has her own life but after saying she'd drop everything to help out she then can't manage to stay more than 24 hours after I give birth. It's not what any of us wanted DS and me being ill and it makes life harder for everyone (including her if she stayed as before we'd hoped to either be home from hospital quickly or DH would feel ok leaving a healthy baby and mother and just coming in at visiting hours so able to do most of the care for our toddler). BIL is here as well and has really stepped up but he is supposed to be working from home so it's hard for him to manage alone, plus I know how tiring/difficult it is to look after an almost one year old by yourself all day and night.

Apparently she's coming up to visit next month when everything has settled down...AIBU to think like fuck she is staying with us especially as DH will be back at work so it'll be me having to entertain her as well as the toddler and newborn.

Even if IABU please don't be too mean, I really just need to rant about this! I don't mind her having a life of her own obviously but then why reassure me repeatedly that she'd drop everything to help?!

"AIBU to think like fuck she is staying with us especially as DH will be back at work so it'll be me having to entertain her as well as the toddler and newborn."

Well that might be going too far just because she's not doing what you want right now!

If your husband leaves the hospital, what visiting could he then still do?

If BIL is also there perhaps the Aunt thought that she wasn't needed?

Honestly, it really sounds you are overwhelmed (not a judgment) and instead of accepting this is life, thing are upsetting now, you’re hyperfocused on the aunt and want to blame her.
She was there for you and your family.
Why can’t you be grateful or ”enormously grateful” as you are to BIL.
Don’t burn bridges for nothing.
The aunt has done nothing wrong.
Send her a tex, thank her.
If you don’t want her to come next month, say thank you but no thank you.

Plus I remember you on a recent thread OP…you have a live in house keeper

Perhaps the aunt was thinking that too many cooks…

Sounds pretty poor to me. I'd leave it for now so you dont say something you may regret but make sure you invite her back when it's convenient for you, not when she decides.

Sorry you're having such a tough time OP. I was in hospital exactly this time last year after a difficult birth and my son was in NICU. It is ROUGH. I hope that soon this will be a memory to you and that you can enjoy being home with both your children. Xx

@LittleRedLeaf I think I get it. She offered help which is lovely but the help you received wasn’t the help you really needed. It’s perfectly understandable to feel let down and frustrated. I would. I would also hate being stuck in the hospital alone in your situation so soon after birth with a sick baby. I’ve done it, but I didn’t have the language/culture barrier. And I bet it’s not that you ‘can’t do it’ but it’s a very different thing to say ‘yes I’m totally fine go ahead home already and leave me to it’ when you feel ill and nervous and uncertain. I expect it’s small comfort but I found that I made quite a strict routine for myself, and the nurses did help more than I was worried they would. Hope you are ok.

@LittleRedLeaf

She's not invading anyone's space - we're all still in the hospital. Me and DS won't be able to leave for at least a few days. Once DH leaves it's not easy for him to come back.

She's always been very involved in DH's life, more so than most aunts would be.

So sorry to hear you're in this situation, and really hope things improve soon.

I did vote yanbu but went and changed it after this. If you're on the hospital and with limited visiting, then the only option is really for her surely to either be a third pair of hands for one toddler at home (seems unnecessary) or full time carer for a worried toddler while your DH stays with you - which would be nice, but is a big ask, beyond helping with labour.

Maybe she’s struggling looking after a 2 year old? She offered to mind him while you were in labour, I’m guessing nothing was discussed about her staying on if things didn’t go to plan.

I’m sorry you’re stuck in hospital and baby is unwell, but I think it’s your DH’s responsibility to pick up the toddler childcare once the initial emergency is past.

Maybe she has commitments at home to get back to?

Oh I feel you. My baby was prem and we where both in a bad way. Pil rushed to help look after two year old! Day two mil says "oh we have to go tomorrow I only brought three days worth of my tablets". She had weeks and weeks worth at home.

Made life very difficult for us at an already bad time.