Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Didn't get the job. How to get over it?

62 replies

Handy123 · 20/12/2021 16:15

I just found out today that I didn't get the job.

It's a job that would have been perfect for me, combining two areas of my expertise. I'm well qualified and experienced in both areas.

The interview went really well last week and I thought I had a chance. I thought that I was warm, friendly and confident without being arrogant. I had to do a long presentation and it went smoothly.

The problem is now I will be really negatively affected by this. It's really dented my confidence. I probably spent 15-20 hours preparing for it (usual for that type of role) and I'm now questioning whether I'll be able to go for a role like this again.

I have asked for feedback but apparently all the interview panel are now on AL, so it won't be until January. I now have a feeling I'm in for a glum Christmas. Sorry I know its a very self-pitying post, but I feel like I've had such a huge setback.

AIBU?

YABU - Dust yourself off and try again
YANBU - It's normal to feel really gutted and to have knocked confidence

OP posts:

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 20/12/2021 16:18

They can stick their job up their arses.

I sympathise - most of the jobs I didn't get have turned out to be a blessing though.

BeetyAxe · 20/12/2021 16:21

i am going through similar, so I feel your pain.l and understand the confidence knock. But in the nicest possible way,it’s a job, it doesn’t matter. The reason you didn’t get it has probably little to actually do with you. There’ll be other jobs and you can try again. Try to ignore over Christmas.

Igmum · 20/12/2021 16:23

Apply for another. It's grim and yes get feedback but don't waste your life thinking of the road not travelled. It could have been awful. Good luck with your job hunting and tell yourself that something better awaits you 🍀

Heavymetaldetector · 20/12/2021 16:25

I just got turned down for a role a few weeks ago. And I really spiralled!
You're not good enough
This is why your house is a mess
This is why your son has SEN
This is why your husband had a breakdown.
All because YOU are so mediocre. Like the rejection totally extrapolated out into every aspect of my life! It's insane. I now realise that the job wasn't right for me, and the commute would have been awful.
I'm glad I didn't get it. And im far from perfect but I'm me and there's only one of me. And my son is amazing and I wouldn't change him for anything. And my house is filled with love. And my husband is getting better every day.

I think it's OK to feel gutted for a few days . Then you'll be back to yourself when you've got a bit of distance between you and the interview

Cam2020 · 20/12/2021 16:25

It's a bit like unrequited love, isn't it? As cliched as it sounds, the right job will come along and the process you've just been through will stand you in good stead.

SarahAndQuack · 20/12/2021 16:26

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable, but I think you do have to dust yourself off and put it behind you. I've interviewed for a few jobs over the last few years (and applied for a lot more), and the feedback I've invariably had is that I was an excellent candidate, there was nothing wrong with my CV or my interview, but someone else was simply better, or a better fit. It is really depressing, but you've got to keep remember that though the job felt perfect for you, to them you weren't perfect, and ultimately that means it wasn't right for you. The right job will come along!

dudsville · 20/12/2021 16:27

I can't vote because both are true. It's deflating, dissappointing, a bit unsettling, but happens a lot, at least to me. I think of intereviews as like dating. Most people I date don't become my spouse. I'm not good at interiviews. I have a fried who gets every job she goes for whereas my success rate is about 50%. Dust yourself off and look after yourself well.

Roselilly36 · 20/12/2021 16:28

Aww don’t let it upset you OP, I am sure you did really well. Sometimes, companies know who is getting the job and just go though the process, as it were. Just keep going, you will get a good new job in the near future I am sure.

TangledNemo · 20/12/2021 16:31

I’ve been rejected for loads of jobs. What helps is thinking they liked me and wanted to hire me, but they only had one position open and it went to someone they already know, had slightly more experience, gave a better interview or was prepared to work for less money.
It’s very unlikely to be personal.

alphabiggins · 20/12/2021 16:35

I had this happen last year for a job I was told was definitely mine. It wasn't obviously as it went to someone else. I was so gutted, lots of tears, self doubt and a real knock to my confidence. The feedback did help a little. A few weeks later I got a job that I felt was a second choice but now on reflection I am incredibly happy I didn't get the first job. I love my job and do sometimes have contact with the person who landed that first role. They are very unhappy as team are awful and are now looking for another job. I love my job and I'm so pleased I was unsuccessful for the first one although I was so upset at the time. Good luck and don't give up

Vanishun · 20/12/2021 16:40

OP, you were probably brilliant - but someone else was too and had an edge in some way.

It's so hard, but with every interview, there's only one "winner". Most people don't get a positive result, even if they're wonderful.

You can choose how you react to this right now: actively practice self care and self compassion, tell yourself well done for getting to the interview stage, think about how their feedback might help and how you've probably built a good base with them for future applications, console yourself and acknowledge how sad you are but it'll be okay ... or keep feeling cross at yourself and have a miserable few weeks.

I know it's hard but please, please choose the kind one?

Trisolaris · 20/12/2021 16:42

I must have applied for (no exaggeration) about 100 jobs before getting the job I now have.

I have a spreadsheet of applications that tells me so. I could probably have got a new job quicker but I wanted to be ambitious and stretch myself not just take any job so those were the jobs I was applying for.

I’ve definitely been where you are but it’s important to remember that the experience is always useful and that you can walk in and do a wonderful interview, and then in walks someone who also does a wonderful interview with 5 years more experience. Sometimes that’s how it goes.

Take a few days, dust yourself off and get ready for the next opportunity.

WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain · 20/12/2021 16:43

It's normal to feel gutted when you don't get it.

If what you say is true; you were well experienced and came across well etc, there's a good chance they already knew someone else they wanted to give it to. Perhaps a colleague coming up, or a contact. You likely didn't have a chance.

Dust yourself off and try again. The next one may be yours! Most of us have been where you are.

AlfonsoTheUnrepentant · 20/12/2021 16:46

I sympathise, OP. I have applied - and interviewed - for I don't know how many jobs in the past few months. All of the interviews were multi-stage, ie recruiter, first round and then second round with presentations. I never got feedback on any of the interviews and considered myself lucky when I got a cold "thank you for your time but we've decided not to progress your application" eamils.

Last week I was offered a job by a wonderful company. I start next month.

So keep your chin up - it happened to me and it will happen to you.

rosesarereddish · 20/12/2021 16:49

Hi OP. I'm sorry to hear this happened. I had an interview this morning for a more senior position, I had the call half an hour ago to say I didn't get it. I, like you, put in days of preparation and effort. The feedback was that it was a strong interview, that I had clear and concise answers to all their questions and came across well spoken and confident, but that they felt I lacked substance and couldn't offer the department the stability they needed. I just came on here to write a thread and stopped myself, but saw this and had to comment. It's so bloody shit. I had said to my friend that the interview had gone so well that even if I didn't get the job I'd be fine because I knew it was nothing I did. However being told I lack substance has really upset me, to be honest. I nearly cried on the phone. I also wish they'd clarified what they meant by can't offer stability as I'm fairly confident gauging from past conversations that it's a dig about me having more kids. Ironic, as I'm pregnant now but only 5 weeks and hadn't mentioned it. Sorry, not hijacking.. just supporting. It's a truly rubbish feeling and this fellow mumsnetter is with ya

Forgetaboutme · 20/12/2021 16:51

I had a similar experience in April. Thought my interview went great and I was well prepared. I was silently confident I would get the job. It was such a horrible feeling when I didn't. Just later that week I got an invite to another interview. My confidence was so low but I looked at my examples and re-wrote them just going into a bit more detail about specifically what experienece I had in relation to the job and this time I was successful! Just keep trying and don't be disheartened.

Seainasive · 20/12/2021 16:55

One thing I’ve realised is that often they don’t want the perfect candidate who ticks all the boxes. Hiring managers often prefer someone they can bring on, and train in the way they want.

It is entirely possible that you didn’t get the job because actually you are too good for them.

Gutting yes, but dust yourself down and try again.

Allmadeoflego · 20/12/2021 16:56

Don’t fixate on the feedback bit. Often the truth is - you were 99% good enough but someone else had just that 1% more. And interviewers can almost seem to have to drag something up to say without thinking about how you may receive it.

Dust yourself off and carry on.

RamonaFlowers1 · 20/12/2021 16:58

I've had full on crying outbursts when I haven't been successful before, so you're not alone (thankfully while WFH so no one saw)! It sounds like you did really well in the interview so that's definitely something to be proud of, not much advice other than to give it a couple of days and you'll start to feel better. I felt better after a chat with one of my managers about how I was feeling, is that an option for you?

CurzonDax · 20/12/2021 17:00

I'm sorry you didn't get the job :(

Take a couple of days to feel sorry for yourself (we've all been there and it's perfectly normal!). However, after those couple days, you need to then brush it off (otherwise you will spoil your Christmas).

It is a rejection, and hard not to take personally, but please remember it's not personal. There was only one job for the X amount of people who wanted and applied for it. It certainly doesn't mean that you aren't good at what you do!

Before my current role (which I've only been doing for a few months), I applied for tons of jobs, and didn't even get interviewed for most of them. I had five interviews, and didn't get any of them. Each and every time I was upset, and it knocked me back/my confidence.

On my sixth interview, I got this job, and was of course, thrilled. However, I remember saying to my DH the next day, "I really feel for all those people who didn't get the job, so I could. I've been there and it must suck for them right now." The truth is - it probbly did suck for them, and I sympathised. However, with just one vacancy - that's just the way of things. Statistically, there will always be a higher chance of you not getting the job, than getting it!

ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 20/12/2021 17:02

YANBU.

I always try to think that, no matter how perfect the job sounded, it might not have been all you hoped. You might have encountered the colleague from Hell, or an inflexible manager, or a toxic office culture, You might have inherited a fuckton of shit from a predecessor (that once happened to me). The actual responsibilities might not have matched the spec. & so on.

Lacedwithgrace · 20/12/2021 17:03

It's normal to be upset and take a knock to your confidence, but try to remind yourself it's nothing personal. They didn't choose you because you'll be shit at the job or because you're not a nice person, they just chose someone else. Go through the 'one door closes, another opens' type quotes, wallow, and look at what you can do to improve your abilities for the next opportunity. Take this as a sign that it wasn't meant to be and something better will come along when you're ready for it

tttigress · 20/12/2021 17:05

Well hopefully you will get some feedback.

I had a couple of interviews last year, for jobs I really wanted, in each case I didn't get the job, but got very little/no feedback as to why (not in the UK)

It can be very frustrating!!

felulageller · 20/12/2021 17:16

I've been rejected after at least 17 interviews I can think of off the top of my head

I'm terrible at them.

Perseverance gets you there eventually.

pandyandy1 · 20/12/2021 17:19

I was in your position a few years ago, absolutely gutted I didn't get a job that I felt I was perfect for, and it really knocked my confidence!

I won't bore everybody with the details, but for a number of reasons, in subsequent months, I found out the job would actually not have been perfect for me!

Shortly down the line, I found an even better role (and had a little chuckle when the person they did employ, didn't stay.)

The world has a funny way if working itself out.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread