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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be peed off ...

61 replies

RockinHorseShit · 20/12/2021 12:55

DH thinks I'm over reacting, but he would given the sexist assed nature of my complaint

So AIBU to think that addressing a card to Mr & Mrs DHs Christian name Rockin is sexist shit & pretty fucking rude when it comes from long time mutual friends

Not a huge deal granted, but unless over 80 & my over 80s family wouldn't surely it takes 1 second not to be a sexist arse 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 20/12/2021 13:10

Don't send a card then. Who sends cards these days? Reduce your carbon footprint and solve the problem at source

Next..........

VladmirsPoutine · 20/12/2021 13:12

It's not something that would annoy me but who still writes cards these days!

480Widdio · 20/12/2021 13:12

Your DH is correct.

WeatherwaxLives · 20/12/2021 13:15

I don't think it would annoy me (I'm not married) but it annoyed DM to the point she made BT change it in the phone book to Mr X and Mrs Y Smith, back in the early 90s.

SnowyPetals · 20/12/2021 13:15

It's a fleeting moment when you open the envelope, so in that sense not worth expending energy on. But the only people I know who do this are, as you say, about 80+. A bit odd from someone younger.

Shiningpath · 20/12/2021 13:16

I hate it so much when we get cards like this. I never use Mrs or my husband’s name so no idea why people do this.

Nowomenaroundeh · 20/12/2021 13:17

That's so weird. Send a card back to Mrs and Mrs Her Christian name and surname

Tee20x · 20/12/2021 13:17

But if you're married is that not your name?

How would you like it to be addressed?

Bellyups · 20/12/2021 13:18

MIL does this. She’s way under 80, but she’s a passive aggressive pain in the anus.
It does fleetingly piss me off actually. Considering I never changed my surname anyway

GinAndTopic · 20/12/2021 13:19

I agree with you, it always amazes me that women still do this, especially my own family and inlaws who are mostly younger than me (I'm 60s). AND I don't even use my husband's surname! I just address to first names, no need to be so formal among family and friends.

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2021 13:19

Your husband is correct, you’re over reacting. Minorly annoying but certainly not the major tantrum throwing event you’re turning it into.

Flamingmango · 20/12/2021 13:19

I don't get super angry about it but we get cards to Mr and Mrs husbandinitial husbandlastname.

That's not my initial, my surname and it's not even my title. I do find it a little annoying but to be fair I never actually correct people so...

vivainsomnia · 20/12/2021 13:20

On the envelop fine, just long habit. In the card, weird, especially if people who know you well.

Bofthebang · 20/12/2021 13:22

YANBU. It’s incredibly sexist, old fashioned and I would be very disappointed if I were to receive a card addressed to me and my husband like that.

I didn’t even change my name when we married! Years ago we did receive a few cards to Mr & Mrs “Husbands Surname” from people who knew I hadn’t changed my name. I challenged them very gently about it and they admitted it was just habit, but that hasn’t happened for years now because, luckily, I don’t know anyone who’d think it was acceptable.

merryhouse · 20/12/2021 13:23

It may be "correct" but that doesn't mean it's not sexist.

I mean, it's the patriarchy. Correct behaviour, titles, forms of address, protocol, entails - it's all sexist.

OP is annoyed because her friends are refusing to join her in this small act of rebellion, showing that conforming to the norms of the patriarchy is important to them.

Yeah actually, that's pretty annoying.

SickAndTiredAgain · 20/12/2021 13:25

@Tee20x

But if you're married is that not your name?

How would you like it to be addressed?

Well, no, her first name hasn’t changed to his. Unsure about surname, OP hasn’t said.

Having said that, I’m not sure I’d notice. Although I agree it’s very old fashioned to put the man’s first name, and I don’t think I know anyone who does it.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 20/12/2021 13:25

Not this again

HugeAckmansWife · 20/12/2021 13:28

I send cards. And I like receiving them and adding them to the decorations. And I really couldn't be getting my knickers in a twist about this to the extent some seem to. No wonder everyone's so bloody depressed if young people let stuff like that wind you up and remove little joys like a Christmas card from rarely seen friends

ThePurpleOctopus · 20/12/2021 13:28

I can't stand this. However, I've lost my anger over the years and now I just dismiss those cards onto DH's pile, as I genuinely feel they're not addressed to me.

(names made-up)

My name is Rachel Brown. DH's name is Carl Smith. Yes, we're married.

But a card to 'Mr and Ms C Smith' isn't for me. I'm not a Mrs (prefer Ms), I'm not an 'M', and I'm not a Smith.

My mindset these days is that these people are sending a card to DH and his wife, but not to me. (I know people will say 'but you're his wife so it is to you', but I genuinely feel this naming issue creates a disconnect).

So these days I toss those cards into DH's pile and don't even open them myself. If it's someone he wants to write back to, he can do that (he won't and never will as he can't be bothered with cards).

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2021 13:30

Ahh the annual Christmas card addressing thread Xmas Grin

Mildly annoying so I agree with your DH, you are over reacting.

Original poster
RockinHorseShit · 20/12/2021 13:33

Your husband is correct, you’re over reacting. Minorly annoying but certainly not the major tantrum throwing event you’re turning it into.

Way to go with the over exaggerating, just so you could vent your spleen @Bluntness100 😂😂😂 which post did you actually read. Mine says peed off... ie minor irritation 😂

OP posts:
Subeccoo · 20/12/2021 13:35

I absolutely agree with you.
I'm Miss my birth name, not Mrs husband. Even my own sister has me as first name his surname in her phone Confused I made it clear to all that I would be using my name forever. I don't understand why anyone has made up this new name for me.
It DOES piss me off, but it also pisses dh off and he'll correct anyone, he fell in love with me and my name and that's the one he married too.

Original poster
RockinHorseShit · 20/12/2021 13:37

Thanks everyone

TBH this particular card is very possibly PA & is probably why it niggled me. I put my foot down to this particular couple inviting themselves to stay the day of the end of first lockdown & I know it peed them off & they are blaming me, even though DH thought they were taking the pee too

I took DHs surname for DDs sake. I never took his Christian name & still have a perfectly good one of my own, so Mrs DHs Christian name is inappropriate & to me rude when they've known me well over 25 years

OP posts:
HugeAckmansWife · 20/12/2021 13:38

Sorry not 'young' people, some people.

Chloemol · 20/12/2021 13:39

I don’t, it’s how I was taught, and in the great scheme of things not something to get het up about

Your husband is correct you are waaayyyy over reacting