AIBU to be peed off ...

[RockinHorseShit]

DH thinks I'm over reacting, but he would given the sexist assed nature of my complaint

So AIBU to think that addressing a card to Mr & Mrs DHs Christian name Rockin is sexist shit & pretty fucking rude when it comes from long time mutual friends

Not a huge deal granted, but unless over 80 & my over 80s family wouldn't surely it takes 1 second not to be a sexist arse 🤷‍♀️

I was always taught to address cards to married people in that way. Unless someone specifically told me they had kept their surname, I would always write an address in that way.

So many things these days, that women get very uptight about.

Hm. If you're married and use his surname that is correct form though old-fashioned. It's a minefield unless you specifically know how someone chooses to be addressed.

One of my friends addresses cards in this way and it irritates me so much, as it’s so old fashioned and patriarchal. She’s in her thirties! I just grumble to myself upon receipt, then take pleasure in writing “The Brown Family” on the envelope of her card, rather than the nonsense of “Mr and Mrs Dave Brown” (names made up for illustration!).

I think you’re being unreasonable and acting like this is some kind of personal insult to you and women kind. Who cares? Just throw the envelope away and if you were that bothered you shouldn’t have taken your husband’s surname because I’m struggling to see how you could see any benefits to this for your daughter if this is your attitude. Also, what benefit does it give your dd in this day and age?

Yanbu OP, this pisses me off too. It's such a sexist throw back, I can't believe people still do it.

The only person who does this to me is DH's rather elderly aunt. She also gets my forename wrong - which annoys more 😂

if you were that bothered you shouldn’t have taken your husband’s surname

She shouldn’t have taken her husband’s surname if she didn’t want people using his first name to address her as well?
There’s no need to even put a first name on an envelope, addressing it to Mr and Mrs Smith would be fine if the surnames are the same.

It’s frustrating because it’s such an blatant sign of both poor historical and current wider attitudes to women, and yet people are so widely dismissed as over-reacting because it’s ‘technically correct’, when it’s actually just offensive, with good reason, to so many women.

Thanks again everyone

To clarify, I'm not offended by Mr & Mrs "Smith" as I am Mrs "Smith"

I'm not & never have been a "Dave Smith" though made up names ofc I've a perfectly okay Christian name of my own that has never changed

I'm surprised so many think this is okay though, given the largely feminist nature of MN 😐

As regards it being the correct way to address a letter. I was taught that using the man's Christian name too was sexist & outdated as far back as the 70s, so gobsmacked that it's not now confined to history where it belongs 🥴

I can put up with Mr and Mrs His-surname or ( just about) Mr and Mrs His Full Name, but I have a friend who is well under 80, who addresses MY birthday card to Mrs His Full Name. I don't even use my married surname.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest what surname is put on joint cards etc.
You could address it to Mr OhGiveUp and his old battleaxe for all I care.

@OhGiveUp I'm not talking about the surname, we share a surname, I don't share his Christian name as I'm his life partner, not his possession

@RockinHorseShit That doesn't bother me either.

I prefer to put eg "Sarah and Steve Smith" in general, for people my age. So she gets to be first but he gets his (original) surname.
With us, we get all sorts of fun things because neither of us changed our name on marriage and my wife doesn't use her real name in general use. Also our son has her surname even though we are married but my surname as a middle name. This causes no end of fun on parcels but they all get here in the end. We don't really get offended though, or even corrected people.
One thing that can cause problem is someone once sent something to us (shared house) with an in joke as the addressee, but we couldn't collect it easily as the post office check the name rather than the address when you collect. Obv the addressee didn't match any of our id.
I think we got around it by getting it redelivered to the house and being in at the time.

This irritates me...I married my husband and took his last name (mainly as I have never had contact with my dad, so keeping his last name seemed pointless), but that doesn't mean I took his first name as well. We are separate people & I have my own name!

I received a card in the post today addressed to Mr and Mrs DP's Firstname & surname. We're not married though, and the sender is well aware of that.

Tbh though, I thought it was a little comical and just quite nice of them to send us a card.

@Tee20x

But if you're married is that not your name?

How would you like it to be addressed?

I was NEVER Mrs ex's name, and we were married. You do realise many women decide to keep their name, right?

You're stressing about something that really really doesn't matter in the scheme of things

It's a bit crap sure but I don't think anyone means any harm when they address a Christmas card this way

Alternatively you could go and burn their house down (or else thank your lucky stars that this is top of your list of things that piss you off right now)

Get round their gaff right now and sort it out!

And then get outta my pub!

Thanks for the further replies.

I'm not wound up, I've far bigger things to worry about, it's I'd more a minor irritation from a sexism POV that bugged me at the time. It is outdated & using DHs Christian name to address me & it harks back to us as possessions of men, which DH ofc finds hilarious 🙄 I am ofc very grateful for the cards which are addressed to me by name inside.

I'm probably feeling it a bit more this year as I've burnt a few bridges friendship wise over differences over covid this year, plus had a handful of cards turn up earlier all addressed to mr & Mrs DHs Christian name, so it seemed a bit much. 🤷‍♀️

@Itloggedmeoutagain

Not this again

Well, it is December! It's not really Christmas until we've had this thread is it?

@RockinHorseShit

Thanks for the further replies.

I'm not wound up, I've far bigger things to worry about, it's I'd more a minor irritation from a sexism POV that bugged me at the time. It is outdated & using DHs Christian name to address me & it harks back to us as possessions of men, which DH ofc finds hilarious 🙄 I am ofc very grateful for the cards which are addressed to me by name inside.

I'm probably feeling it a bit more this year as I've burnt a few bridges friendship wise over differences over covid this year, plus had a handful of cards turn up earlier all addressed to mr & Mrs DHs Christian name, so it seemed a bit much. 🤷‍♀️

Try to just think of the writing on the envelope being the means to get the card through the correct door! It's done that, so bin it & focus on what's written in the card!

I had this conversation with my husband earlier this week after I received
a card addressed to Mr & Mrs J Backtolife (J is his initial). It really annoys me.

Why not just address it to Mr & Mrs Backtolife?