SIL expectations - boarding school and covid risk

[Catkitkat]

We are guardians to my SIL’s (who lives in Italy) son who is at boarding school in England since September.

My nephew stays with us for a night or so each time he flies in and out of the country. He is 17 so doesn’t need much from us otherwise.

He is returning in January and will stay with us while he waits for his day 2 test - massively inconvenient as our DD is sitting the 11+ just days later. She will be trying to study that weekend and needs peace and quiet. I’m also paranoid that he might test positive. If rules tighten they may require close contacts to isolate and my daughter would miss her exam.

I would like to ask him to postpone his arrival until the day of/after my daughters exam. He would miss three or four days of the term. Am I being unreasonable?

Sister in law also fully expects us to deal with the fallout - driving three hours one way to collect him and house him here while he isolates - should he test positive for covid during the term but that’s another story… wouldn’t exactly jump for joy if it happens but could handle it, unless we would all be required to isolate along with him under new/tightened rules.

DBIL Flew in from abroad to stay with his DS ( university not boarding school ) took a few days off and WFH - it is possible - isolated took all the tests but they did have in country they live in some hotel isolating thing. It is her DS - I think she should be the one sorting out with the school what the rules are then asking you what you are prepared to accommodate - I get that you have offered to be a guardian- but just at the moment things are stranger. Trouble is if she refuses to you are left in a very awkward position. All best to you & very best wishes for DD's exams

Also once he turns 18 no longer needs a guardian ( I presume ) so maybe a different conversation depending on what he intends to do after finished last exams at school as to how SIL BIL & Nephew sort things out.

OP people behave the way they’re enabled. I know it’s not as simple at that but your H should grow a spine. If not you will grow one for him.

Rich enough to send son to boarding school but not a penny coming your way. What’s the point of keeping in touch with family if it benefits you neither emotionally nor financially?

@TractorAndHeadphones couldn’t agree more. Their family dynamic is not great in my opinion, my SIL pretty much gets away with murder for some reason. I’m not too keen to play along with it, and fortunately don’t have to get too involved very often as we live in different countries.

‘Spineless’ DH has actually stood up to his sister in the past but last time he did, she didn’t speak to him for about 18 months, and things have only just normalised somewhat. Their parents are not getting any younger, FIL is 87 and not in great shape, so I think everyone should try their best to spare them any further upset if at all possible.

Anyways DH told his sister that on this occasion, we can’t accommodate her son before he gets a negative day 2 pcr, and things really blew up. She got shouty and said some pretty horrid things. She thinks we are being ridiculous, but ultimately agreed to book him a 4 hour test.

So that’s where we are now. Fingers crossed he actually tests negative, and that this won’t cause any lasting family drama…

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to write. I really appreciated an outside perspective.

Geez she really is ungrateful and entitled isn't she?

Goodness - she sounds awful! Good luck Op.

SIL is extremely tricky to deal with, but she is also extremely successful in her career - c suite position in a major company… this kind of personality and/or behaviour seems to serve her very well in professional settings (or perhaps she is more diplomatic when it comes to work, who knows).

And that's how she sees her family - minions to make her life easier.

I've never understood folk who send their kids to boarding school in a different country, but I guess that's a whole other issue.

@Ginger1982

I've never understood folk who send their kids to boarding school in a different country, but I guess that's a whole other issue.

An excellent education, good job prospects. An advanced level of a second language that you'd never get by sitting in a French GCSE class, broadening your cultural horizons, learning about how others live. That sort of thing.