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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just tested positive, can I still provide Xmas Dinner but not attend?

157 replies

Tereseta · 19/12/2021 16:42

I was supposed to be cooking for dh and dds and elderly mil for Christmas. Felt a bit off colour today and did lft which was positive, waiting on results of pcr.
Obviously this has stopped my Christmas in its tracks, but dh and dds are still hoping to go to mils for Xmas day (depending on their lft being negative) would I be still be OK to cook/prep the dinner at our home for him to take to mils or not?
He's not much of a cook and mil is disabled and unable to cook a big meal. Dh is carer for mil so will be round there daily depending on negative lft.
AIBU to cook the dinner for h to take round on Xmas day? Don't want to ruin everyone's Christmas.

OP posts:
JinglingHellsBells · 19/12/2021 18:46

@Tereseta why don't you just delay it for a week?

Surely most adults don't care if they eat turkey on Dec 25 or a week or so later?

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 19/12/2021 18:47

@Tereseta Kindly, OP, if your H is the only carer for someone so unwell and disabled, he needs to get other people involved. If he gets Covid or is unwell or has an accident how on earth would his mother manage?

She needs more support than 1 person

This with bells on.

DirtyDancing · 19/12/2021 18:47

The rest of your family may well have it by then anyway... best to postpone. If it's Ormicron you'll all end up with otherwise

LostForIdeas · 19/12/2021 18:48

@Justwingingit2005

I wouldnt be sending DH round there for a few days from now until he's had a pcr. Absolute madness that he's still going and you have covid at home. We had a similar situation with my dad when we all had covid. I'm my dad's carer and an only child. Test and trace sorted care out.
@Justwingingit2005 expect that DH has NO CHOICE because MIL is fully dependent in his care.

Are you suggesting that the should get emergency care from SS knowing it won’t be forthcoming and MIL will be left wo food or water form several days on her own???

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 19/12/2021 18:49

Presumably in "normal times" the OP would also help.
How do you suggest thr OP finds someone else ? Who do you think might be prepared to shoulder the burden of full time care ? Elder care is exhausting for only children because you do it alone (I appreciate those with siblings that live far away/are useless go through the same). It's not as easy as just getting the neighbour to help when you are talking about someone of limited mobility that needs to go to the loo. Would you do that for your neighbour ? Every day, several times ?

NotAnotherCrapHamper · 19/12/2021 18:51

[quote 00100001]@NotAnotherCrapHamper

"We got covid from the chef in our local pub
12 people."

How can you POSSIBLY know the source was from the chef? Confused

You were at a table if TWELVE people, plus staff members, plus the public... But no, it's the chef?[/quote]
It was at the time when cases were investigated. So we do know- the pub was closed for several days.

The 12 were all in the pub- including a couple of staff. There may have ben more- I was told it was told by track and trace (well the follow up team) that it was an outbreak of 12.

We were told it was the Chef was the 1st case after the investigation,
does that help?

actiongirl1978 · 19/12/2021 18:52

I'd say yes it's fine OP.

I have Omicron (had delta in August and this is totally different). Had symptoms over a week ago. Haven't isolated. Neither DH or DC have had symptoms or a positive LFT.

They have carried on their lives as normal. DC will be going to Grandparents this week before I'm out of 10 day isolation. Grandparents more than happy with that.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 19/12/2021 18:52

Op another chink of light

I had Covid. Dd and Dh didn't get it. Neither did Df who I had stayed with for two nights before testing positive. None of the colleagues I had been sitting with got it either

DDs best friend just had Covid. None of her family got it - her mum even did a PCR as she was poorly. None of the kids at school have passed it on to their families.

For an incredibly transmissible disease it didn't spread much from me

Mumtwoboys90 · 19/12/2021 18:53

you must be joking Confused

coatofsomanycolours · 19/12/2021 18:55

I have Omicron (had delta in August and this is totally different). Had symptoms over a week ago. Haven't isolated. Neither DH or DC have had symptoms or a positive LFT

You state you haven't isolated.

They have carried on their lives as normal. DC will be going to Grandparents this week before I'm out of 10 day isolation Grandparents more than happy with that.

You have isolated? I'm a bit confused....might be me though??!! Apologies if so.

Babyroobs · 19/12/2021 18:55

@PrivateHall

Sorry but it is madness to even consider visiting MIL. Put Christmas day back a week and celebrate it then.
This.
Redwinestillfine · 19/12/2021 18:55

Can't you order pre- done e food eg Marks? Definitely don't prep food unless you want to risk passing Covid on.

Justwingingit2005 · 19/12/2021 18:57

We had same day support. Test and trace were amazing. Dad got all the support he needed

Within a few hrs of me speaking to someone he was phoned and asked what helped he needed.

PrivateHall · 19/12/2021 18:58

I think some posters are failing to see the difference between someone going in with (hopefully PPE) to provide essential care and a full family sitting round a table together eating (therefore no masks)? Can people not see the difference there?

At best, the DH could go (easier for one person to social distance) and the kids stay with op, kinder all round, including to op!

Oblomov21 · 19/12/2021 18:58

I can't believe the nonsense on this thread. The anxiety and paranoia. Of course it's not transferable by food.

Hugoslavia · 19/12/2021 19:06

Technically, if you wore a mask preparing it and then it was microwaved/heated up, it should be fine. However, I think that you are underestimating COVID. If you've only just been diagnosed you will be in the early stages. And by the time it is Xmas you will most likely be feeling very fatigued and not up to cooking a full Xmas lunch. If you feel up to it at the moment, write down a few instructions. Your husband should be the one to cook it if at all. That said, I don't think that he should be venturing out to see his elderly mother and risk passing it on to her.

WonderfulYou · 19/12/2021 19:08

As she’s elderly I wouldn’t risk it.
It’s not transferable by food but it is airborne so like normal cold germs it can be passed through the air, surfaces you’ve breathed on or by your hands if you’ve coughed on them and then touched something.
The chances are you will not pass anything on but I personally wouldn’t want to risk it.

Why not stand near your DH but not too close to the food and tell him what to do?

KatyRebecca84 · 19/12/2021 19:12

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead

Seriously I think some people here need to work on their comprehension skills. The OP clearly states

is not a perfect situation, unfortunately my dh will have to go as she is not mobile, unable to cook or answer the door or stand to get herself food. He is a full time carer to her

Who exactly do you think is going to provide food @KatyRebecca84 ?

Maybe something pre bought and packaged? Not prepared by someone WITH COVID! Just my opinion!
Malibuismysecrethome · 19/12/2021 19:13

Personally I don’t think it is ok to cook whilst you have Covid and what if your symptoms deteriorate in the next couple of days and you are not up to it.

Your DH will have to sort something out with regard to his mum maybe just do a much simpler meal at MIL’s.

Malibuismysecrethome · 19/12/2021 19:14

Omicron variant is supposed to be much more infectious so it’s a no from that point of view as well.

DemBonesDemBones · 19/12/2021 19:16

Of course not!

Dillydilly01 · 19/12/2021 19:23

Don't undertake to cook any meal for the next week - you do not know at this stage how you will feel on the 25th.

Set expectations now, any dinners cooked will be cooked by your DH, if he stays well. Can't cook a turkey - well roast a chicken instead, use frozen veg, ready made gravy and it will do. Needs must.

It will be good for you all if your DH becomes more competent at cooking, it's ridiculous that he can use the excuse he's not a great cook.

Though he really shouldn't be spending any amount of time with your MIL until he is certain he hasn't caught Covid from you.

Joystir59 · 19/12/2021 19:28

Cook dinner! Yes!

hibbledibble · 19/12/2021 19:34

@Tereseta

It is not a perfect situation, unfortunately my dh will have to go as she is not mobile, unable to cook or answer the door or stand to get herself food. He is a full time carer to her and a stay at home dad to dds so is capable of cooking just feeling a bit daunted of doing Xmas Dinner for the first time as its always been my domain! He is taking extra precautions, she also lives alone and he is an only child. We have left a message in the care line for help but it is unlikely. Thanks for all the practice advice. I'm writing a cooking order list for him, just feeling a bit down as I love cooking Xmas Dinner. Going to be weird by myself this year.
What if your husband gets covid? You need to have someone else available, and be treating it as if he has covid at the moment, as you live together and it is highly transmissible. Please don't endanger your vulnerable elderly relative like this.
GotToGoBye · 19/12/2021 19:35

I would say pre-symptomatic DH or DD much higher risk than preparation of the meal.
I’m definitely urging people to get on with their lives as much as possible but you actually have covid and presumably you don’t want MIL to get it? Then postpone a week (or until you’ve all had it and recovered).