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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just tested positive, can I still provide Xmas Dinner but not attend?

157 replies

Tereseta · 19/12/2021 16:42

I was supposed to be cooking for dh and dds and elderly mil for Christmas. Felt a bit off colour today and did lft which was positive, waiting on results of pcr.
Obviously this has stopped my Christmas in its tracks, but dh and dds are still hoping to go to mils for Xmas day (depending on their lft being negative) would I be still be OK to cook/prep the dinner at our home for him to take to mils or not?
He's not much of a cook and mil is disabled and unable to cook a big meal. Dh is carer for mil so will be round there daily depending on negative lft.
AIBU to cook the dinner for h to take round on Xmas day? Don't want to ruin everyone's Christmas.

OP posts:
cookiemonster2468 · 19/12/2021 18:16

Covid is not food-borne like other viruses such as norovirus that spreads like wild fire with food so I would say fine. What does your mil say?

So if someone with Covid breathed on your food would you eat it? Hmm I wouldn't risk it.

LostForIdeas · 19/12/2021 18:16

Re food
I would not have any issue with anything that will get warmed again once DH is getting for MIL house.
The virus dies at quite low temperature.
It also doesn’t survive very long on any surfaces.

So if you are worried about it, bar cooking with a mask on, I’d ensure that he is warming all the stuff you have prepared. Most of it will be ok reheated (vegs, potatoes etc…), even the meat depending on how you are taking.

LostForIdeas · 19/12/2021 18:17

It seems I’ve Xpost with a few people. And that we are un agreement…

LostForIdeas · 19/12/2021 18:19

@cookiemonster2468

Covid is not food-borne like other viruses such as norovirus that spreads like wild fire with food so I would say fine. What does your mil say?

So if someone with Covid breathed on your food would you eat it? Hmm I wouldn't risk it.

Well I would have no issue with someone with covid who are been ‘breathing’ over my food no.

Breathing would mean aerosols in the AIR, not in the food.
Coughing would have been different. But then I think it applies to anything tbh.
And even then, food prepared several hours in advance? I wouldn’t have an issue either because that virus is unlikely to have survived either. Same if food has been reheated etc….

00100001 · 19/12/2021 18:19

@NotAnotherCrapHamper

"We got covid from the chef in our local pub
12 people."

How can you POSSIBLY know the source was from the chef? Confused

You were at a table if TWELVE people, plus staff members, plus the public... But no, it's the chef?

Original poster
Tereseta · 19/12/2021 18:20

It is not a perfect situation, unfortunately my dh will have to go as she is not mobile, unable to cook or answer the door or stand to get herself food. He is a full time carer to her and a stay at home dad to dds so is capable of cooking just feeling a bit daunted of doing Xmas Dinner for the first time as its always been my domain!
He is taking extra precautions, she also lives alone and he is an only child. We have left a message in the care line for help but it is unlikely.
Thanks for all the practice advice. I'm writing a cooking order list for him, just feeling a bit down as I love cooking Xmas Dinner. Going to be weird by myself this year.

OP posts:
coatofsomanycolours · 19/12/2021 18:25

It also doesn’t survive very long on any surfaces

I did not think this was factually accurate, but of course I may be wrong, and depends on your definition of 'very long'.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-decontamination-in-non-healthcare-settings/covid-19-decontamination-in-non-healthcare-settings

Gwenhwyfar · 19/12/2021 18:25

[quote humdingle]**@dementedpixie* @MrsSanteClaws*
No. Close contacts (including those you live with) are advised to do daily LFTs for 7 days and that's it. [/quote]
Wow. Wouldn't it be common sense to avoid elderly people if you're very likely to be incubating Covid though?

Gwenhwyfar · 19/12/2021 18:26

[quote coatofsomanycolours]It also doesn’t survive very long on any surfaces

I did not think this was factually accurate, but of course I may be wrong, and depends on your definition of 'very long'.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-decontamination-in-non-healthcare-settings/covid-19-decontamination-in-non-healthcare-settings[/quote]
We know that Delta is very unlikely to be transmitted via surfaces. I don't know about Omicron, but I noticed that surfaces was mentioned by the WHO man the other day.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 19/12/2021 18:29

I have no idea about the food issue BUT we're a week away from Christmas day and anything could happen between then. We know that omicron is a lot more transmissible than delta so all those reports that some people escape covid even when living in the same household may not be relevant today.

Whatever you decide to do I'd have a back up plan for if DH tests positive, maybe including asking someone you or MIL know nearby if they could take a plate of food round.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 19/12/2021 18:30

Wow. Wouldn't it be common sense to avoid elderly people if you're very likely to be incubating Covid though?

Rather depends if the elderly person in question relies on you for food, personal hygiene and care throughout the day doesn't it. Extra visits probably aren't an option as Care agencies are so short and the OP has already clearly said that there is nobody else.

Where do you expect the op to magic up this additional care from 6 days before Christmas ? A cracker ?

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 19/12/2021 18:32

OP is your DH able to get hold of some proper PPE at all ? Police officers, carers, paramedics etc are having to deal with Covid positive people so you might be able to get something from MILs care agency ?

rrhuth · 19/12/2021 18:33

@gsaoej

It would be insane for anyone in your household to have any contact with MIL whatsoever.
Agree with this, I know your DH/DDs do not have to isolate, just do daily LFTs, but I would not visit anyone if I could avoid it.
Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 19/12/2021 18:34

If the DH would have to go round for caring duties even if positive I would guess that the status of the chef cooking the food is irrelevant.

KatyRebecca84 · 19/12/2021 18:35

If she’s disabled, she’s high risk. No one should be visiting her or providing food if you’re positive!

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 19/12/2021 18:37

Seriously I think some people here need to work on their comprehension skills. The OP clearly states

is not a perfect situation, unfortunately my dh will have to go as she is not mobile, unable to cook or answer the door or stand to get herself food. He is a full time carer to her

Who exactly do you think is going to provide food @KatyRebecca84 ?

Tabasco007 · 19/12/2021 18:38

@Tereseta

I was supposed to be cooking for dh and dds and elderly mil for Christmas. Felt a bit off colour today and did lft which was positive, waiting on results of pcr. Obviously this has stopped my Christmas in its tracks, but dh and dds are still hoping to go to mils for Xmas day (depending on their lft being negative) would I be still be OK to cook/prep the dinner at our home for him to take to mils or not? He's not much of a cook and mil is disabled and unable to cook a big meal. Dh is carer for mil so will be round there daily depending on negative lft. AIBU to cook the dinner for h to take round on Xmas day? Don't want to ruin everyone's Christmas.
When I had covid, my housemate let me cook for him, I wore a mask, washed my hands a lot and was super careful and he was OK. Having said that tables turned I wouldn't have felt the same...Grin
coatofsomanycolours · 19/12/2021 18:38

It is not a perfect situation, unfortunately my dh will have to go as she is not mobile, unable to cook or answer the door or stand to get herself food

We have been in an identical situation. Of course while your dh is willing and able to do the care adult social services will let you. But when it comes to the crunch and you tell them the above, especially during these covid times, there is emergency care that can be instigated.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 19/12/2021 18:41

Where do you expect the op to magic up this additional care from 6 days before Christmas ? A cracker ?

You can't expect that. But since the MIL relies mostly on her son there has been a high chance for the last 18 months that this might happen. I assume that the OP's family have accepted that one day the DH might have to attend his mum with covid and have accepted the risks that go with that decision.

JinglingHellsBells · 19/12/2021 18:43

@Skyechasemarshalontheway

In scotland household contacts also isolate for 10 days regardless of results so her dh wouldn't be able to go out.
she's in England. Nicola always has to trump Boris in some way.
JinglingHellsBells · 19/12/2021 18:44

It is not a perfect situation, unfortunately my dh will have to go as she is not mobile, unable to cook or answer the door or stand to get herself food

@Tereseta Kindly, OP, if your H is the only carer for someone so unwell and disabled, he needs to get other people involved. If he gets Covid or is unwell or has an accident how on earth would his mother manage?

She needs more support than 1 person

Justwingingit2005 · 19/12/2021 18:44

I wouldnt be sending DH round there for a few days from now until he's had a pcr. Absolute madness that he's still going and you have covid at home.
We had a similar situation with my dad when we all had covid. I'm my dad's carer and an only child.
Test and trace sorted care out.

coatofsomanycolours · 19/12/2021 18:45

We know that Delta is very unlikely to be transmitted via surfaces. I don't know about Omicron, but I noticed that surfaces was mentioned by the WHO man the other day

You may well be correct Gwenhwyfar. I was going on the fact that information to my CEV husband have always stressed the danger of covid surviving on surfaces for some time - washing shopping ect. The advice may only be necessary for CEV people like my husband, but I was assuming the OP's MIL was vulnerable also. And of course this advice was given in pre Omicron times and things may have changed.

PugInTheHouse · 19/12/2021 18:46

I clicked YABU at first as there was a big drip feed there. YANBU to provide food at all, the risk would be tiny there, the risk is much bigger to having the rest of your family mixing with her all day however she obviously needs you DH to be there so I am not sure there is much choice unless he does test positive.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 19/12/2021 18:46

Wouldnt it be better if your DH moves in with her till you are covid free?