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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am very hurt, when I left my job after 12 years I didn't even get a card.

76 replies

HelenFitzroy · 18/12/2021 19:37

I have worked in a very high stress, professional NHS job for 12 years. I am a hard worker and have always taken my job seriously. Earlier this year my younger sister unexpectedly died (aged 27) I was off for several months due to the bereavement. My work sent flowers after her death but after 4 weeks my manager was keen for me to return to work due to short staffing.
As I was unable to walk round Tesco without crying and in the weeks after her death my hair began to fall out! So I didn't go back to work at that time.
While on leave I reflected on my life and job and decided to move to a different post within the same field.
After leaving my manager didn't call me to confirm a leaving date or to speak to me before I left. I didn't expect a big present or anything like that but I didn't even get a "sorry your leaving" or "good luck" card.

I know its silly but I really do feel hurt by this.

Am I unreasonable as I basically didn't go back to my old job after the death?

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 18/12/2021 19:38

It sounds like they didn't understand your grief. I'm really sorry for your lossm

JaneJeffer · 18/12/2021 19:42

That is hurtful Thanks

CrumpetStrumpet · 18/12/2021 19:43

That's awful op. What a bunch of arseholes. You have every right to feel hurt.

I'm so sorry about your sisterFlowers

RamblingOldWoman · 18/12/2021 19:46

Were you all WFH due to Covid before you went off sick? I think it’s easy to disassociate when you don’t see colleagues regularly. How long were you off before you resigned?

Of course your manager should have sent a signed card through the post at least but I guess if colleagues didn’t see you for ages, it was out of sight out of mind.

So sorry for your loss. Hopefully you will have more caring colleagues in your next job Flowers.

TheOriginalEmu · 18/12/2021 19:46

I was really hurt when I didn’t get a goodbye card after 4 years, after 12 if feel even more hurt. YANBU.

MissyB1 · 18/12/2021 19:49

Bloody hell that’s awful OP, I’m not surprised you feel hurt Sad
NHS staff need to be looking after each other not making colleagues feel invisible and unimportant.

BringMeTea · 18/12/2021 19:59

That is shit. Flowers

Stopsnowing · 18/12/2021 20:02

Your situation is particularly bad. I also think the pandemic has broken down normal etiquette. On top of that I think people
No longer do leaving presentations like they used to.

Jessicabrassica · 18/12/2021 20:05

Do your colleagues actually know that you have left?

Sexnotgender · 18/12/2021 20:11

God that’s awful. I’m sorry for the loss of your sister Flowers

DPotter · 18/12/2021 20:14

I totally understand why you're upset. That's a nasty think to do to a long serving colleague. I'm so sorry about your sister - that's so tough for you. Flowers

Rainbowqueeen · 18/12/2021 20:16

Yeah I was wondering the same as @Jessicabrassica. It sounds like your manager is not happy with you leaving and has checked out.

I would also be hurt but there may be a reason why and they most likely is that your manager is being petty or thoughtless and people don’t know you have gone.

HoneyItAlreadyDid · 18/12/2021 20:29

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister.

Your work has screwed this up here. I would just try not to think about it anymore - they messed up not you.

INeedNewShoes · 18/12/2021 20:30

It's not the same, but I had no acknowledgement from the Director of my department of my 11 years working for my employer when I didn't return after maternity leave.

Unfortunately it seems to be out of sight, out of mind.

Sorry for your loss OP.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 18/12/2021 20:35

So sorry about your sisterFlowers. Please make sure you look after your health at the mo-grief can totally stuff up your physical system as well as psychological.

I'm wondering if they've just stuffed up? In that they weren't thinking... 'let's not bother to mark @HelenFitzroy leaving her job!'

In between all the 'chaos' of the pandemic, lots of people working from home and your understandable leave, your departure just got 'lost' and went unmarked?

Still utter rubbish though.

Abitofalark · 18/12/2021 20:44

You haven't said how you left or how you communicated and with whom about your intention to leave. That's an important part of circumstances and events surrounding your leaving.

phishy · 18/12/2021 20:45

YANBU that’s shit.

I bet you signed dozens of cards and contribute d to lots of presents in those 12 years.

This is why I stopped taking part in work contributions for these things and only signed cards when basically forced to. It’s all arbitrary and people are regularly left out.

I sort my own present and card for the people I want to give to.

shouldistop · 18/12/2021 20:45

Did you go back into work before moving job or have you been at home since earlier in the year?
I'm so sorry your wee sister died, that's awful Thanks

GirlOfTudor · 18/12/2021 20:46

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Yes your old colleagues were very insensitive. A simple card would've been nice, no matter when or how you left.

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/12/2021 20:48

I’m so sorry about your sister.

I think it’s out of sight out of mind, really, especially in this strange year we’re having. It would be hard not to feel hurt, but it is just a reflection of that.

It’s great you’ve found a new job you want - I am sure your sister would be very proud of you.

HelloDulling · 18/12/2021 20:48

I suppose for your colleagues, it probably doesn’t feel like you ‘left’-no last day, no leaving drinks etc- you just didn’t come back after a period of leave. Rubbish, but in the NHS, during this pandemic, I can understand.

MamaWeasel · 18/12/2021 20:50

I never got a card or anything when I left my work either. I'm not bitter much I hear you.

Squeezita · 18/12/2021 20:54

Oh, it sounds like you never actually went back to that role?

I can see why that happened.

Also, taking a few months leave for a sibling’s death seems a bit much.

My brother died in his 40s in terrible circumstances and I was back at work after a week off.

NannaMcPhoo · 18/12/2021 20:55

Did you remember to hand your notice in?

shouldistop · 18/12/2021 20:57

@Squeezita

Oh, it sounds like you never actually went back to that role?

I can see why that happened.

Also, taking a few months leave for a sibling’s death seems a bit much.

My brother died in his 40s in terrible circumstances and I was back at work after a week off.

Good for you. Don't you realise people's deaths affect people differently. I went back to work a couple of days after my dad died. My friend took months to return after her dad died as it caused a bit of a breakdown. Imagine judging someone for how long they need off when a close family member dies.