To want DH to take kids out?

[Woodenblocksandplastictat]

I’m a teacher. I want to prepare for online learning if it happens, and I asked him if he’d take our under 2s out for the day.

I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable, or would your DH be happy to do this?

But do his parents want them there? It’s not always practical to just turn up.

I think that given all of the information I’d still prefer to leave the house myself and work from a coffee shop or similar.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

in fairness I was out all the time when DH was WFH and I was at home

Why?

I don’t think it’s good for children to be inside a lot anyway, and it was mostly better weather, but it was pretty stressful having him working and me just trying to go about my day. I always felt like I was in the way in my own home!

I don’t know Merry. I wouldn’t have envisaged him just turning up but when I asked if he would I did assume he’d messaged and asked. They mostly seem very pleased to see the children so I can’t see that it would be a problem.

That’s great if that would be what worked for you Merry - but I really wouldn’t get any more done in a coffee shop than I would at home with toddlers clambering at me.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

in fairness I was out all the time when DH was WFH and I was at home

Why?

Presumably so he could work? OP said there is no work space in their home.

This has nothing to do with the bar being low for men. I wouldn't ask my partner to leave the house with all the kids so I could get peace to do something. If I want peace to do something, I can leave and go somewhere else, and if my partner asked me to leave with all the kids, he would be told to get to fuck.

@Thatsplentyjack well I'm sorry you don't support your partner and your partner doesn't support you.

@Thatsplentyjack

This has nothing to do with the bar being low for men. I wouldn't ask my partner to leave the house with all the kids so I could get peace to do something. If I want peace to do something, I can leave and go somewhere else, and if my partner asked me to leave with all the kids, he would be told to get to fuck.

Where would you have gone today to work with no noise for five hours? Op could do with the suggestion.

Definitely not unreasonable. You need some focussed planning time and once you've been able to do this you will feel much less stressed/preoccupied by work.
Sometimes working in the evening isn't possible or productive when you work and have small children- you are exhausted by the time they are asleep and you also need downtime yourself.

Where would you have gone today to work with no noise for five hours? Op could do with the suggestion.

Really, she can't qork with a little bit of noise? How about library, a friend/relatives house?

Can’t believe people would actually say ‘get to fuck’! Or is that just bravado and you wouldn’t really say that?

[quote ElfIsTheImposter]@Thatsplentyjack well I'm sorry you don't support your partner and your partner doesn't support you.[/quote]
Yeah, that's what it is.

It’s not a little bit of noise. It’s DH asking where this is, where that is, what this is, what that is. Hysterical screaming every thirty minutes because of something (the kids.) Toddler knows I’m there and constantly trying to get in and crying.

Plus nicer for DH to have some help I’d have thought.

I mean, if I was doing this all the time I’d agree it’s unreasonable. It’s a one off.

@Woodenblocksandplastictat

Can’t believe people would actually say ‘get to fuck’! Or is that just bravado and you wouldn’t really say that?

Oh no, I definitely would.

So tell him not to disturb you and keep the kids away. Really he has to ve told yo leave the house because he can't cope with having them alone in his house for a few hours and can't keep them relatively happy in that time?

And also can't stop himself from asking you questions?

As I’ve said Jack, it isn’t just DH. The house layout means that a crying child is heard everywhere. But fair enough if it’s unreasonable.

@bubblebath62636

Don't ask him, tell him.

What?? At this point you were basing your response on the limited information from the op. How rude.

As it happened the op simply asked if he wouldn't mind, which is perfectly reasonable. I also do think it's perfectly reasonable for him to have said no. Maybe his parents weren't up for it. Even with the books, it would be far far easier all round for you to have gone to a library/coffee shop/quiet pub to do this.

YANBU. He's their Dad! My OH always takes the kids out if I need to work / have a break from them lol.

@Woodenblocksandplastictat I popped back to see more people think you're being unreasonable

People suggesting coffee shops and the likes, but if you live in a town similar to mine, you'd be surprised to find a seat at the one and only coffee shop on Saturday

I still stand by the notion that YANBU.

I don’t really understand what the big deal here is but I suspect it’s multi-layered and involves your DH not being able to parent without you being there.

I could go to a different room in the house and my DH would pretend I’m not there, keep the kids away, happy, and well looked after.

Obviously your DH cannot and that’s the bigger issue as far as I’m concerned.

My PIL love our boys but might not want us to descend on them the weekend before Christmas.

I also think some realism is needed. You have small children under 2 - your house isn’t a sanctuary anymore.

I think it’s entirely reasonable to not want to fuck off away from their happy space for a day.

DH has been working from home including some weekends for pretty much 2 years. I keep the kids away when he’s upstairs but he doesn’t need silence and the reverse is true when I’m wfh which is less frequent.

@ElfIsTheImposter l can’t even see the bar it’s that low! The level of sexism in 2021 is quite disturbing

I think it is a perfectly reasonable request.

You want this done so you can forget about it and enjoy the holiday.

Why wouldn't he do it.

Does he never look after the children on his own?

Can you pack up and go somewhere to do this?

Preferably overnight!

@Woodenblocksandplastictat

As I’ve said Jack, it isn’t just DH. The house layout means that a crying child is heard everywhere. But fair enough if it’s unreasonable.

Well you're a teacher,surely you are used to having to block put a bit of noise. I still don't understand why he's not capable of keeping the children happy and away from you find a few hours. Unless you live in a barn with now walls, you can go to a different room and I've the door.

I haven’t said that it is a big deal, Merry, but I suppose it depends what you see as a big deal.

It isn’t a big deal compared to a lot of the stuff going on at the moment but it would have meant a lot if I’d had a chance to get stuff done as a one-off.

If you have a separate work space in your home and you have slightly older children who understand ‘no, mummy / daddy is working’ and can be entertained with a TV or screens then that’s fine but none of those things apply here.

you’re a teacher

Yes, and if I was planning in the middle of my classroom filled with kids, the lessons planned would be shit!