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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to take kids out?

83 replies

Woodenblocksandplastictat · 18/12/2021 15:53

I’m a teacher. I want to prepare for online learning if it happens, and I asked him if he’d take our under 2s out for the day.

I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable, or would your DH be happy to do this?

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 18/12/2021 16:24

Yanbu, it’s called teamwork. Flowers

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 18/12/2021 16:26

Not unreasonable at all. My OH took the kids out this morning so I could have a chilled morning! Also a teacher and feeling sooooo run down.

Toastmost · 18/12/2021 16:26

It's not outrageous to ask, it's also not unreasonable for him not to want to take them out, but he should have been able to keep them entertained for a few hours at some surely whilst you work?

endofthelinefinally · 18/12/2021 16:28

Perfectly reasonable request IMO. If you have to work, you have to work. If DH was working presumably you would look after the DC. Why can't he do his share?

Original poster
Woodenblocksandplastictat · 18/12/2021 16:28

Problem is if I’m at home and they are at home I don’t get a minutes peace. I’m sure some can relate …

OP posts:
Blossom64265 · 18/12/2021 16:33

If they have a decent destination it is an excellent plan for you getting a good block of work time. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t prefer to do that rather than try to keep them distracted at home while you worked. In the end, since he is the one in charge of the kids while you work, I do think it is his decision. As long as he does his part and gets you a solid work day, it doesn’t matter how he does it.

If he is balking at getting you a work day at all, you have a big problem.

TangledNemo · 18/12/2021 16:33

YANBU. My husband took our daughter off to his parents last week himself, no bother. In return, I took her to mine yesterday so he could have the house to himself after working a Night Shift.

Can you drop the kids to their grandparents yourself? Or ask them to take them out for a few hours?

Original poster
Woodenblocksandplastictat · 18/12/2021 16:34

I’m not having a work day. I have more chance of getting anything at all done with them in than Boris has of making everyone happy at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woodenblocksandplastictat · 18/12/2021 16:35

DHs parents live about an hour away and plus I’m not sure the grandparents would want the children alone.

OP posts:
TempName01 · 18/12/2021 16:37

Yes of course my DH would look after the kids so I could do something essential, he often does just to give me a break or if I want to get some jobs done around the house, I don’t have to ask.

Phineyj · 18/12/2021 16:44

Of course YANBU but your post is a bit uninformative - did he say no? What was his reasoning? DH has done this regularly for me for the last 8 years - he gets that teachers need prep time! I don't have to ask either, he offers or just does it.

I mean, either he does this or you (jointly) pay for childcare to cover prep time. That's the choice if you want to do a decent job ih these difficult times.

By the way, if you possibly can, get a lock on your home work space .

Original poster
Woodenblocksandplastictat · 18/12/2021 16:46

Well, this was it - he didn’t say no, he just didn’t do it! I don’t know why, really. I am feeling mildly annoyed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woodenblocksandplastictat · 18/12/2021 16:46

We don’t really have a home work space and I have to admit I’m not keen on locking other people out. Besides, noise. Noise noise noise.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/12/2021 16:47

I wouldn't send my dh out with the kids for the day - but I would tell him I would be busy for the day myself and he would be on duty. I'd then shut myself away and work.

MintJulia · 18/12/2021 16:48

YABU We're in the middle of a pandemic & poor weather. Maybe his parents don't want the children around, and they can hardly spend hours in the park.

I'd take my laptop, a pot of coffee and some snacks and retreat to your bedroom, shut the door and leave them to it.

JuniorMint · 18/12/2021 16:48

OP, I feel you. My problem is that my DP is also a teacher Confused so we both want planning and prep time. I think non-teachers sometimes don’t get (with the best will in the world) the time and work that goes into it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/12/2021 16:49

Is your school accessible on weekends? I know some are for those who want to go in and work. Banishing three people from their home for the day is BU imo.

Original poster
Woodenblocksandplastictat · 18/12/2021 16:50

No, he doesn’t get it at all. It’s a constant source of stress as I just can’t manage to do everything in school time.

I can’t just lock myself away. I get followed around the place!

OP posts:
Original poster
Woodenblocksandplastictat · 18/12/2021 16:51

I’m not banishing them! That makes me sound a bit like I’m some sort of Dickensian landlord. It is honestly a one off, and in fairness I was out all the time when DH was WFH and I was at home. It does annoy me that it doesn’t work both ways.

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 18/12/2021 16:53

If my partner told me to leave my own house with the children so he could get work stuff done, he would be told exactly where he could get to.

Original poster
Woodenblocksandplastictat · 18/12/2021 16:55

Well yes,if he phrased it like that I wouldn’t blame you. But would you tell him exactly where to go if as a one off, during pretty exceptional circumstances, he asked if you would mind taking the children to the grandparents for a few hours?

There’s a huge difference between the two, in fairness.

OP posts:
Phineyj · 18/12/2021 16:55

OK, well if you are envisaging teaching online from home, I strongly suggest you get a demarcated work space with a lock on it. Take it from a veteran of this Teams teaching sh*t. If you don't take your job and self seriously, why would DH? Take the time and space. He does, doesn't he?

ElfIsTheImposter · 18/12/2021 16:58

@shouldistop

Of course yanbu. I can't believe people are saying you are
Once again the MN bar for men is so low they're tripping over it.

God for fucking bid a man have to take his children out for the day.

My DH used to do this every Sunday afternoon just so I could have an afternoon to myself to do fuck all when the DC were younger. He'd take them off to his DP. PiL saw the kids and I got a break. Everyone was happy.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/12/2021 16:58

in fairness I was out all the time when DH was WFH and I was at home

Why?

InTheLabyrinth · 18/12/2021 16:58

Out all day with 2 under 2 is a big ask at this time of year.
Could you do 2 (or 3) half days?