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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How am I a racist?!?

163 replies

Cinderella1 · 18/12/2021 10:48

Still a bit shaken after an exchange with someone on Nextdoor site that called me a racist. Post might be long but don't want to be accused of drip-feeding, so here it is: Original post was about the tragic fire that took the life of four young kids. A neighbour posted this:
"After the tragedy of 4 little boys died in a house fire, I will ask for any single parent which need a help with their kids for a babysitting during Xmas , I am happy to help.
I am not child minder and not insured but I am mum with two grown up boys.

Pls pls do not leave your kids alone". This person then starts asking if she's had a DBS check, etc, so my response is here: "so you think people leaving their very young kids alone for hours is less of a risk than leaving them with a neighbour? This site is not Twitter. What's next - needed a food hygiene certificate and chefs qualifications when helping in a soup kitchen? The whole world will be a better place if we got to know our neighbours better and could ask for help when needed!" , Then him: "not sure what you think your post is about? Please vent some where else where they can understand you. Me: "it's written in British English - apologies for the confusion for those who need to revisit their comprehension skills."Then this from him: "oh sorry being
Welsh I am sorry I’ve offended all you Anglo Saxons as you’ve just offended me" "Racist", "going to apologise for your racism Dora?? Or are you just an Anglo Saxon bigot???" Me: "clearly your geography is as bad as your comprehension. Wales is still part of Great Britain and English is the official language!" Him: "reported to site as clear racism. No we don’t identify ourselves as Great Britain, we obviously have our own Synedd or do you deny that??". AIBU here or is this simply insane? I am not even Anglo-Saxon btw

OP posts:
SawdustandHay · 18/12/2021 12:04

@Shiningpath

Maybe you’re not aware but there’s a strong commonality between people who put emphasis on British English, those who fly flags in their gardens and massive gammons. Your presumably innocent use of the term has led your Welsh neighbour to associate you with others who throw it around with gay abandon, usually alongside more pernicious statements about race and nationality.
I think most English bigots would just say ‘English’ and not acknowledge the existence of other variants.
thinkingaboutLangCleg · 18/12/2021 12:04

You wrote in praise of neighbourliness, and he responded with not sure what you think your post is about? Please vent some where else where they can understand you.

With hindsight, I’m sure you can see this was a deliberate wind-up. Unfortunately, you fell into the trap. Just ignore this idiot now. There are trolls who spend their boring lives insulting people on the internet. What a waste of a life.

Pawprintpaper · 18/12/2021 12:05

This sounds like the online version of the drama triangle…

You went to the defence of the poster who you thought was having a hard time and ended up embroiling yourself and now feel like the victim.

It happened to me once when I tried to collect some stuff to help our local big issue seller and to another friend who innocently asked a question about how to organise her cupboards. There is no subject worthy or innocuous enough that it can’t cause an argument on SM if certain characters turn up and it always escalates to accusations of bigotry, racism or hypocrisy. It’s like road rage, seemingly normal people get disproportionately aggy.

I think the best lesson to learn from this not to take the bait, or stay off the group in the first place.

MindyStClaire · 18/12/2021 12:06

British English, arguing on nextdoor, thinking it's reasonable to leave kids with a stranger who doesn't even have DBS, and (? not sure if you started the thread or not) posting about the deaths of those poor children to start a discussion - none of this makes you come across well to me. He was a gobshite too, but definitely two of you in it.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/12/2021 12:06

[quote SoSickOfItNow]clearly your geography is as bad as your comprehension. Wales is still part of Great Britain and English is the official language!

Ummm…
Welsh and English are Wales' official languages
museum.wales/articles/1221/Wales-other-languages/[/quote]
You can argue that Welsh is the official language by law. English is only de facto official, in the same way that England has no official language.

Derbee · 18/12/2021 12:07

Totally unnecessary for you to get involved in an argument with a stranger on NextDoor.

Using “British” in front of English could definitely be construed as a bit racist. PPs have already explained this, so no need to go over it again.

Personal attacks on people’s literacy/intelligence etc are unnecessary.

So really, you started a fight online with a stranger, and didn’t like what he said, even though it was fair enough in the context.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/12/2021 12:07

"thinking it's reasonable to leave kids with a stranger who doesn't even have DBS"

I presume OP meant that it's better to leave them with someone who doesn't have a DBS than leave them alone for them to die in a fire.

CremeEggThief · 18/12/2021 12:08

Advice for OP- spend the rest of the day off your phone, ignoring social media and getting on with your real life.

antisocialsocialclub · 18/12/2021 12:08

I’m Welsh and he’s an arse.

There are some massive chips on shoulders around and for him to immediately jump to the fact you were calling his reading comprehensive iffy because he’s Welsh rather than the obvious fact that he clearly misread and misunderstood what you said, speaks volumes.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/12/2021 12:09

"Using “British” in front of English could definitely be construed as a bit racist."

A bit superior maybe, but not 'racist'!

CPL593H · 18/12/2021 12:09

A DBS check isn't infallible but neither is individual judgement. I imagine most people would want to have known a neighbour for quite some time and witnessed their day to day behaviour, before entrusting their children to their care.

Quite. You were quite aggressive in your response to a reasonable question OP. The woman offering babysitting may be kind and well meaning (if naive) /a virtue signaller/ something unspeakable, the truth is you don't know. She is apparently offering babysitting over Christmas, so no chance to get to know her properly and suss out the situation at all. Any parent sending their kids off to a complete stranger would be a neglectful idiot.

Theythinkitsalloveritisnow · 18/12/2021 12:10

Simple rule for life: don't get into arguments on the internet.

Reminds me of the phrase "never wrestle with a pig: you get dirty and the pig enjoys it". Complicated by the fact that in internet arguements often both of you end up as the pig.
no offence to my piggy friends who are actually sensitive and intelligent

Cherryblossoms85 · 18/12/2021 12:12

Those awful exchanges are why I left Nextdoor years ago. The idea that I live in close proximity to these people is too much. I'd rather not know. The Facebook neighbors group is less aggressive.

Aprilx · 18/12/2021 12:15

I think you were the instigator of the hostility on there. I would certainly be leaving the group if I witnessed an exchange like that.

Aprilx · 18/12/2021 12:16
  • And if you were my neighbour I wouldn’t wish to get to know you better either.
luckylavender · 18/12/2021 12:16

I think you're as bad as each other. British English sounds quite far right to me.

5keletor · 18/12/2021 12:17

It's a very childish exchange on both sides, neither of you comes off well. Nothing racist about it, just a bit embarrassing for both of you and tedious for others to witness, I'd assume.

Butchyrestingface · 18/12/2021 12:17

Neither of you come off at all well in that exchange. He asked what I don't think was an entirely unreasonable question of someone else and was met with an aggressive response from OP sticking her beak in.

And it escalated from there. Merry Christmas, one and all. Grin

Bubblty · 18/12/2021 12:19

I'd have just stepped away from the whole thing

Scrooge89 · 18/12/2021 12:21

Tbh I think the original poster was just virtue signalling anyway. I imagine there was more going on behind the scenes in that tragic case of neglect other than a single parent needing a babysitter. Obviously most people single or not would not leave 3 or 4 year old kids on their own.

Dontgetyerknicksinatwist · 18/12/2021 12:22

I’m surprised that 26% of people think you were being racist. Really??!

Don’t rise to him OP he is being a goody idiot and trying to inflame a response to you because you dared to disagree with him. Can you block him?

Dontgetyerknicksinatwist · 18/12/2021 12:23

Goody? I mean goady 😂

Butchyrestingface · 18/12/2021 12:24

I’m surprised that 26% of people think you were being racist. Really??!

I voted YABU but not because I think OP is a racist.

ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 18/12/2021 12:25

@Dontgetyerknicksinatwist

I’m surprised that 26% of people think you were being racist. Really??!

Don’t rise to him OP he is being a goody idiot and trying to inflame a response to you because you dared to disagree with him. Can you block him?

I don't think the OP is racist but I think she's a bit unreasonable. The YABUs may be looking at her behaviour as a whole rather than specifically whether she's been racist.
thetinsoldier · 18/12/2021 12:27

A lot of people on NextDoor are twats- racist and sexist here. I'd disengage. Ignore knobs like him, don't argue back.