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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask when the last time you feel attractive was?

155 replies

Lockeddownagain · 17/12/2021 22:03

I've realised that the last time I felt attractive was in 2006
I wondered if others feel like that too

OP posts:
Fuckedoffisanunderstatement · 18/12/2021 15:54

Today. It's as good as it is going to get again so make the most of it.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 18/12/2021 15:55
  1. I lost a lot of weight. These days I'm approaching 50 and look like the back end of a bus.
greenpolkadot55 · 18/12/2021 15:59

Tuesday morning when i walked into the dining room for breakfast at a posh hotel.
Two business men kept looking at me.
Iv lost over 2stone so feeling good about myself...

Of course they might have been thinking,," Look at the state of her.."

SunshineInMyTea · 18/12/2021 17:14

For those saying that it’s about attitude or thinking some of us have low self-esteem and can’t be ugly.
That is so hurtfull, it really is.

Imagine no one ever saying anything nice about you, only bullied about you looks.
Imagine being 30+ or older and never being asked out, been on a date, never been loved.

Some women truly do not make the cut.
It’s so horrible to then read how look don’t really matter or it’s the personality that make you beatiful.

It’s just not true.
If you think that, you have to be pretty attractive, since you don’t see that.

TottiePlantagenet · 18/12/2021 17:53

Imagine no one ever saying anything nice about you, only bullied about you looks.

I grew up never being told by anyone that I was pretty or beautiful (I was "the clever one" Hmm). I was bullied throughout school for the way I look.

Those experiences have definitely shaped me both mentally and physically (comfort eating), I'm no stranger to lie self-esteem.

As I have aged I have grown to accept who I am, what I am and have learnt to give no fucks to anyone's opinion, to only please myself. That's probably the only benefit to getting older, you grow up and hopefully care more for yourself than what other people think, you generally stop attracting the wrong kind of sexual attention (especially if you're a woman who has had children, we become fairly invisible to most men). You free yourself from the kind of thinking that leads to so much low self-esteem and self-loathing. I hope Flowers

SunshineInMyTea · 18/12/2021 18:03

you generally stop attracting the wrong kind of sexual attention (especially if you're a woman who has had children, we become fairly invisible to most men).

Did you even read my post?
What sexual attention (wrong or right kind)?

Couldn’t even think about kids, since there was no one, ever to have them with.
You can’t be that ugly, if you got that far.

And yes, I’ve learned, mostly not to care what others think.
But I’m still alone.

Mezmer · 18/12/2021 18:08

I think I have some sort of reverse body dysphoria where I think I’m more attractive than I am. I feel attractive most of the time until I see a picture of myself and then….argh! I felt at my worse after having kids. I didn’t like the baby fat as it made me look like a frump.

Mezmer · 18/12/2021 18:10

It has nothing to do with getting positive affirmation or attention from other people either. I don’t get many compliments even from DH it’s just an innate feeling I have that I’m happy with my appearance.

Buzzinwithbez · 18/12/2021 18:12

Always, but probably not meeting the usual definition.
I'm not interested in looking attractive to anyone, so I feel free to be me without thinking too much about how I look.

I do a sport that is skilled and strong and powerful and I know those qualities are attractive to me, so I feel at my most attractive while doing it. Often while clarted in mud and soaked to the skin.
I feel absolute joy while doing it and again there's something about seeing people experiencing joy that gives them that spark.

Buzzinwithbez · 18/12/2021 18:19

@Mezmer

I think I have some sort of reverse body dysphoria where I think I’m more attractive than I am. I feel attractive most of the time until I see a picture of myself and then….argh! I felt at my worse after having kids. I didn’t like the baby fat as it made me look like a frump.
Sometime I think this....I caught myself looking quite mumsy the other day in a pub mirror and was surprised, because I felt great! I seem to have one of those mirrors at home that take a stone off and the lighting in my bedroom is good, so that probably helps... I don't think I have an actual picture of how I look in my head (realistic or otherwise) .
Bloodybridget · 18/12/2021 18:22

I feel attractive enough, for a woman of my age (late 60s), I'm not in the least glamorous or particularly smart, but I'm happy with how I look. I'm lucky to have good teeth and a nice smile.

BananaPant · 18/12/2021 18:24

@denisthepenis

This afternoon, in bed with DP Grin.

I'm 50, btw, with grown up children, so should presumably be feeling like an old gimmer.

I do know I'm not as attractive as I was when I was 20, but I was so attractive then that I could afford to lose a bit of attractiveness and still look pretty good.

It probably helps that I am slim and petite generally, and have good genes and nice hair.

I have actually found ageing quite hard, as I know I'm not as drop-dead gorgeous as I used to be, purely because part of that comes from youth.

Love your confidence.

Good for you! 💙

passionfruitpizza · 18/12/2021 18:30

Today. I was doing something and noticed my leg muscles were looking really strong and did take a slightly vain second to admire them 😅

TottiePlantagenet · 18/12/2021 20:32

@SunshineInMyTea

you generally stop attracting the wrong kind of sexual attention (especially if you're a woman who has had children, we become fairly invisible to most men).

Did you even read my post?
What sexual attention (wrong or right kind)?

Couldn’t even think about kids, since there was no one, ever to have them with.
You can’t be that ugly, if you got that far.

And yes, I’ve learned, mostly not to care what others think.
But I’m still alone.

I'm sorry that you don't seem happy being alone.

Did you read my post?
I also experienced negativity and bullying in my past, but am slowly trying to move on from that.

You can’t be that ugly, if you got that far.
That's just... crass. I'm "ugly" enough for strangers in the street to shout out insults - is that ugly enough for you? But yes, I found a person who did not think me too "ugly" to procreate with Hmm

I didn't realise this thread was a competition.

Some of us who have responded have said that we don't feel attractive purely because of the way we look to other people. That for us, feeling attractive is not about looking one way or another (pretty vs ugly). It's something we've possibly worked on, inside our head.

Again, I'm sorry that you feel so bad about yourself, that you think the way you look is the reason why you're alone. I'm sympathetic to every person who has posted negative opinions about themselves because it's pretty upsetting that anyone feels so badly about themselves, I've been there too.

Greywhippet · 18/12/2021 20:41

Today! Smiling helps!

SunshineInMyTea · 18/12/2021 20:55

No, it’s not a competition.
Just a very triggering topic.
Frustrating that people don’t seem to get it.
Of course I’m not happy being alone, who would?
(Meaning having absolutely no choice that is).

3scape · 18/12/2021 20:58

Never have. I'm not what society considers attractive. Thankfully being honest about that sort of thing,not basing all of my sense of self on how I look was one thing my mother was good at. She made it clear my strengths were not my looks, so I was quick to weed out the false friends and sarcasm and ignore the harrassment early on.

Ariann · 18/12/2021 21:24
  1. I was fit and strong with thick long hair and an unlined face. 5 years on, hair has gone thin and very grey so I cut it all off, I have put on 50lb and feel unwell all the time. Menopause has hit me in every way.
SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree · 18/12/2021 21:27

@Mezmer

I think I have some sort of reverse body dysphoria where I think I’m more attractive than I am. I feel attractive most of the time until I see a picture of myself and then….argh! I felt at my worse after having kids. I didn’t like the baby fat as it made me look like a frump.

This has made me laugh so much because this is me! In my head i look 18 and am a curvy bombshell. In reality I'm really very fat and nearly 40 with grey hairs and everything! Oh well Xmas Grin

Idontbelieveit14 · 18/12/2021 22:12

2009/2010…..🤔

Hathertonhariden · 18/12/2021 22:14

Can't remember

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 18/12/2021 22:18

1986 ish

HelloBunny · 18/12/2021 22:20

I feel attractive to myself, as in I like my face & I’m losing the baby-weight, so my clothes are starting to fit again. And my husband fancies me.

But, I wouldn’t say anyone on the street would look twice nowadays. I had loads of luck with the fellas when I was younger... I was quite cute & dressed the part.

Mummadeze · 18/12/2021 22:24

Before lockdown. Have ballooned and let myself go in the past two years. Am so annoyed at myself.

mrssunshinexxx · 18/12/2021 22:29

2019 before I had 2 babies v close together