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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I have to cancel don’t I?

82 replies

Christening · 17/12/2021 08:08

My toddlers Christening is arranged for first week in January. It has already been cancelled twice before. We have a service, then a reception for 50 planned. People will be coming from all over the country. Some of them are vulnerable.

YANBU: of course you have to cancel
YABU: don’t cancel it will be fine

OP posts:

Qwertykeys · 17/12/2021 08:12

No you don't need to cancel, but be prepared that some guests may not wish to attend

Luckingfovely · 17/12/2021 08:13

I think sadly you probably will have to cancel - especially with vulnerable folk going. Question is, better to do it now with notice, or wait until the last minute or until restrictions come in again...?

LumosSolem · 17/12/2021 08:13

I wouldn't cancel OP- just perhaps accept it may be a smaller event than you originally planned.

If it's important to you to go ahead then do it!

LumosSolem · 17/12/2021 08:14

If vulnerable invitees don't want to attend that is obviously fine! But we can't all put everything on hold forevermore.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 17/12/2021 08:15

@LumosSolem

I wouldn't cancel OP- just perhaps accept it may be a smaller event than you originally planned.

If it's important to you to go ahead then do it!

I agree with this.

Bedsheets4knickers · 17/12/2021 08:15

I wouldn't cancel either .

santasmuma · 17/12/2021 08:22

I wouldn't cancel the actual christening since you have already done so twice, but I wouldn't go ahead with the celebrations part.

MrzClaus · 17/12/2021 08:23

Personally, I wouldn't cancel. If people are CEV they can make the choice to attend / not attend themselves, people should have access to testing and be able to test pre event too.

I think if restrictions come into play, you possibly will still be able to go ahead with the service part and just modify the gathering after?

picklemewalnuts · 17/12/2021 08:24

I wouldn't cancel, and I'm a 'quick, cancel' person generally!

IMO it's awful that so much unimportant random socialising is going ahead while important life events get cancelled.

Ask your guests to do LFTs that morning.
Make sure ventilation is good, but that comfort is attended to- hot drinks, hot packs available for anyone who's struggling if the church is cold, for example. Keep some parts brief, but maximise the opportunity for people to see each other and your DC.

We should let the random nights out stop, but keep the special occasions!

ZenNudist · 17/12/2021 08:24

If there is a lockdown then cancel, otherwise crack on.

Somebodylikeyew · 17/12/2021 08:24

I’d cancel the party but not the religious ceremony that’s clearly important to you (having rescheduled twice).

LumosSolem · 17/12/2021 08:34

IMO it's awful that so much unimportant random socialising is going ahead while important life events get cancelled.

Who are you to judge that someone's 'random night out' is less important?

A colleague had leaving drinks recently and it was one of the few proper nights out I'd had in a very long time. Being able to have fun with colleagues and enjoy myself was a huge mental health boost when I have been very, very low.

IMO it's awful that anyone would be asked to cancel any of their social plans now or at any point in the future. Socialising is a fundamental part of being human.

If anyone is worried about the risk of covid that is fine but it shouldn't be on anyone else anymore, after vaccines and boosters, to put their lives on hold for anyone else.

Tee20x · 17/12/2021 08:47

Don't cancel. Just tell people not to feel pressured to come if they're not comfortable. It's not DDs birthday beginning of jan and if restrictions allow I will be going ahead with her party.

Original poster

Christening · 17/12/2021 09:00

@Tee20x I have to pay per head for the reception and the money is due on Monday. It is £700. I really don’t want to throw money away if people are not going to come.

OP posts:

LittleMissTake · 17/12/2021 09:05

Can you postpone it until early summer when infection rates are historically at their lowest?

HW1989 · 17/12/2021 09:06

Paying per head then yeah, I’d definitely cancel, or switch to something that it doesn’t really matter how many people come as many won’t come and may not decide until the last minute.

Tee20x · 17/12/2021 09:06

Ah I see. That changes things a bit then. Are you able to contact people today to throw some feelers out to see who would actually be willing to come?

Though it is still quite risky given that people may have covid or be isolating and unable to attend anyway :(

So annoying isn't it :( though it is a special occasion so what about really scaling down rather than completely cancelling and then having a bigger celebration in the summer??

yikesanotherbooboo · 17/12/2021 09:12

I would go ahead with the christening but cancel or postpone the reception part.if you are not religious I would postpone the whole thing.

WimpoleHat · 17/12/2021 09:20

I really don’t want to throw money away if people are not going to come.

This is the heart of your dilemma, then - and it’s not a cancel or don’t cancel question. Ask yourself what event you really want. Is it numbers of people that make it, or the presence of a few specific people? If it’s the former, then I’d probably postpone until the Spring. If the latter, have a chat with those special people and see where they are at and decide on that basis?

RedRobyn2021 · 17/12/2021 09:21

Don't cancel OP but if everyone can't or decides not to come, it is what it is

Delphinium90 · 17/12/2021 09:22

I'd go ahead with the Baptism ceremony as that is obviously the important bit,and maybe just have grandparents and godparents round for a small gathering at yours afterwards.

As @Tee20x has suggested,it might be a good idea to do a straw poll and spend the weekend texting/calling invited guests to see what their current feelings are.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/12/2021 09:23

If the service is important to you, perhaps go ahead with that and the minimum of witnesses and celebrate later?

Sally872 · 17/12/2021 09:26

I would cancel the big christening certainly. I could not put my friends and family at risk.

If christening is most important then a service with godparents and grandparents might be worth looking into. If you are also excited for the celebration part then postpone, or save the money and have a similar event for dc 1st birthday or whenever it is possible.

Jazzyjeffery · 17/12/2021 09:33

**
IMO it's awful that so much unimportant random socialising is going ahead while important life events get cancelled.

^^ derailing the thread somewhat but this got my back up too. Why do people presume to decide what others should be doing? Socialising, in whatever form, is important to all of us. I know more restrictions are probably coming, but I think the current approach of letting people decide what they are comfortable with is so much better as it allows people to balance their own circumstances / worries/ vulnerabilities without imposing their views on everyone.

In answer to the OP, if it was a a party at home I'd just wait and see what happens in Jan and let guests decide if they are comfortable, but if I was standing to loose £700 I'd go ahead with the christening and have a small gathering or whatever is possible. Perhaps you could gang fire on the gathering part and find a venue last min in Jan if needed?

Elodeastar · 17/12/2021 09:35

Maybe downsize instead of cancelling? I am sorry, so many folk have had to postpone events like this, the worst one is funerals as they cannot be cancelled/postponed and had to be done small scale. :(

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