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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When to get worried that a child isn’t potty trained?

68 replies

NobblyBobble · 16/12/2021 18:47

My 3 year old (and two months) is still in pull ups.

He will sit on the toilet but won’t do anything on it. He still just wets through his pants/pull ups or on the floor.
He’ll tell us when he’s done a poo but after the event has occurred, so it’s too late.

Do I need to be worried? All his friends are potty trained.
He’s very bright and his speech his great, his social skills are good too. This seems the big barrier.
He’s starting pre school at a ‘big school’ next year and they said they’d like him to be mostly dry when he starts.

OP posts:
Monsterjam · 16/12/2021 18:49

Mine were both around the same age, then they declared they were ready and went straight into pants with no training needed

Cofifeefee · 16/12/2021 18:49

I don't think you're anywhere near the worry stage. My ds was 3 years, 1 month when we started (had tried at 2 years 9 months and he didn't get it).

Senmumm2021 · 16/12/2021 18:50

Mine is 5yr2m and not trained. It's only since July anyone has been worried

MuchTooTired · 16/12/2021 18:53

My DTs are 3 3/4, and weren’t getting it. One day last week DS suddenly announced he wasn’t wearing a nappy today, and that was that - he’s been in pants with barely any accidents since. DD is still in pull ups, but I’m less worried now than I was - I expect she’ll announce she’s ready when she’s ready to!

Sally872 · 16/12/2021 18:53

Have you tried removing the pull ups and only using pants for daytime? I've heard many children don't try using pull ups.

For my first I tried too early 2 years and it was a week with zero progress next time I tried much easier 2 yrs 10 months and lots of progress in first few days. Would need to take some time off to give it a proper go (sorry if this is patronising and you've done this, just wasn't sure).

bonetiredwithtwins · 16/12/2021 18:54

I'd only be worried heading into starting at school - unless you have a pre school like mine that categorically made clear it wasn't their job to potty train the kids (guessing parents had previously took the piss and left the hard work up to the teachers) - so DD had to be toilet trained and able to pull leggings and pants up and down and wipe herself etc by age 3 1/2 - in the end I went for a boot camp approach and cracked it over a look weekend and didn't leave the house for 72 hours 😵‍💫

snowone · 16/12/2021 18:56

DD is 3 in March and she point blank refuses to use the potty at the moment. I'm going to go cold turkey at Feb half term I think. A week at home with no nappies on and lots of carpet cleaner! 🙈

Iamfour · 16/12/2021 18:58

Mine is 3.5, still in pull-ups, he will sit on the toilet at nursery but not at home. I spoke to the GP about it and she said not to worry about it, so I did.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 16/12/2021 18:58

I trained my son in summer at 2 years old. He was pretty resistant at first but I let him run around bare bummed and he soon learnt to sit on the potty when he needed to go. It took a lot of effort at first though as soon as I saw toilet signals I put him on the potty. You can't just leave them to sort themselves out really and they need lots of encouragement, smiles and clapping. Chocolate buttons played a part in it too.

Valaris · 16/12/2021 19:00

Ds was nearly 3. we stayed at home for a week naked from the waist down.

I read the gentle pare ting book and followed that. You really can't rush it, they'll only do it when their ready. I think 3 is pretty average and I'm sure that book said boys tend to learn later than girls. I canny remember.

luverlybubberly · 16/12/2021 19:00

3y2m is fine. I'd be worried if my child was in pull ups at 4.

Dc2 trainee at 3y6m and never had an accident and night trained within a week. (That first week she needed a wee at 4/5am )

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/12/2021 19:01

As above- pick a time when you are happy to focus solely on it. Give it an good week, and jelly beans as rewards.

BigMamaFratelli · 16/12/2021 19:05

DSD is 3y2m and shows absolutely no interest in potty training. We've tried gently but aren't getting anywhere so have dropped it for now. Not worried yet, but might try again in a month or so

Fabuleuse · 16/12/2021 19:06

Mine have both been fairly late, 3 years exactly and 3 years 5 months. The later one took many, many failed attempts and nearly drove me to a nervous breakdown but we got there. I thought at one point I'd be sending him to university in nappies. One of the many things I tried that did actually help was stickers that you stick to the bottom of a potty that reveal a picture when peed on. He started peeing in the potty so he could see the monster truck appear.

Derbee · 16/12/2021 19:27

I wouldn’t worry yet. If he’s not ready yet, just leave it for a couple of months. You don’t want to create an issue, or any hang ups. Just wait for a bit, and try again gently

AD80 · 16/12/2021 19:33

At that age I wouldn't be concerned. Just keep encouraging it but don't pressurise too much. I think all children get to a point it just clicks. My son was 3.5 and Dd was a similar age to your son. It seemed like that they would never get it but it just seemed to click.

The school holidays really helped me as didn't have to worry about going to nursery in pull ups so we just focused on it at home!

Totally okay though. I was told by a paediatrician that 2-4 is normal range and even out of that range can still be normal!

DeepaBeesKit · 16/12/2021 19:34

Have you tried training him?

Leaving children to "give signs they are ready" can mean some children who simply arent bothered and are in the habit of pooing in a nappy (a pull up is a nappy) will leave it very late indeed.

It would be extremely rare for a healthy NT 3 year old to literally not have the physical control, so it really comes down to whether they want to or not, and there are ways to encourage and influence that but it takes a bit of effort.

HarrisMcCoo · 16/12/2021 19:35

@Senmumm2021

Mine is 5yr2m and not trained. It's only since July anyone has been worried
My youngest is 4y4m and still not really understanding. He will pee if prompted but still soiling himself. We keep trying and so do nursery but he just isn't getting it.
33goingon64 · 16/12/2021 19:36

My DS1 was 3 and 3 months when we started and he took ages to get it. My DS2 was 3 and 6 months and got it straight away.

Silversun83 · 16/12/2021 19:48

DS was 3 years 3 months. He had a massive phobia of doing anything on the potty or toilet, but once he got over that he cracked it in less than a week. No accidents since.

DD was 2 years 9 months and cracked it in about a day, but would occasionally have wee accidents for about six months after.

They're all different Smile

I would say start to worry in the six or so months before starting school.

DeepaBeesKit · 16/12/2021 19:49

Ihadadiamond
I did both DS & DD around their 2nd birthdays. I actually think leaving it past 2.5 they get too stubborn and resistant to change and it makes it harder.

I always find these threads odd, 90% of the people I know in RL trained their kids between 2 & 2.5. Kids start in the local preschool between 2.5 & 3 and it's made pretty clear they expect you to at least be starting to try to potty train before they start. 90% of the kids start reliably trained so there's a degree of peer pressure to have a proper go at it before age 2.5.

Goldbar · 16/12/2021 19:50

It clicked for my DC at around 3 years 4 months. Still took a couple of months to be wearing pants at nursery and out of the house but we just let them take their time and wear pull-ups until confident and we had very few accidents.

shouldistop · 16/12/2021 19:50

I'd probably start worrying at 4 but I agree with others that some children need actively trained.
I sat ds1 on the toilet every half an hour and praised / rewarded for any pees. He was dry by about 2yr10mo but still wanted to poo in a pull up as he seemed scared of doing it in the potty. So I'd put a pull up on him and he would hide in a corner after breakfast to do a poo. That went on until he was 3 then I used an app called 'poo goes to Poland' which seemed (along with praise any time there was any poo in the potty) to crack it by 3yr2mo.
It was a lot of effort though.

Offmyfence · 16/12/2021 19:50

@NobblyBobble

My 3 year old (and two months) is still in pull ups.

He will sit on the toilet but won’t do anything on it. He still just wets through his pants/pull ups or on the floor.
He’ll tell us when he’s done a poo but after the event has occurred, so it’s too late.

Do I need to be worried? All his friends are potty trained.
He’s very bright and his speech his great, his social skills are good too. This seems the big barrier.
He’s starting pre school at a ‘big school’ next year and they said they’d like him to be mostly dry when he starts.

Do not worry, he'll do it, but then you'll worry about something else, that's being a mum!
BookBug482 · 16/12/2021 19:51

Also got a 3y2m and not interested will announce when they've done a poo but will not go without a nappy either Pants or naked. My eldest was 3.5 and got it in the first day. I think just keep trying every so often and when they are ready it will click. That's That's I'm hoping anyway

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