Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

When to get worried that a child isn’t potty trained?

68 replies

NobblyBobble · 16/12/2021 18:47

My 3 year old (and two months) is still in pull ups.

He will sit on the toilet but won’t do anything on it. He still just wets through his pants/pull ups or on the floor.
He’ll tell us when he’s done a poo but after the event has occurred, so it’s too late.

Do I need to be worried? All his friends are potty trained.
He’s very bright and his speech his great, his social skills are good too. This seems the big barrier.
He’s starting pre school at a ‘big school’ next year and they said they’d like him to be mostly dry when he starts.

OP posts:
lillylemons · 16/12/2021 20:29

DS4 is not fully toilet trained he will uses the potty/toilet at home but at nursery he is still in pull ups because he can't tell them when he needs to go has he can't talk. If he was allowed to go without telling anyone he would be out of pull ups at nursery.

Classicblunder · 16/12/2021 20:29

@DeepaBeesKit

Have you tried training him?

Leaving children to "give signs they are ready" can mean some children who simply arent bothered and are in the habit of pooing in a nappy (a pull up is a nappy) will leave it very late indeed.

It would be extremely rare for a healthy NT 3 year old to literally not have the physical control, so it really comes down to whether they want to or not, and there are ways to encourage and influence that but it takes a bit of effort.

I agree. I think boys especially are often lazy and need training, waiting for signs won't work. We did the technique in Oh Crap which works well
Ozanj · 16/12/2021 20:32

Bribe him with sweets. 1 for a wee in the toilet 2 for a poo and if he manages to stay dry for a day he gets the pack (small packs of smarties or buttons are better for this lol). I have been using this method on the children at my nursery (where we have parental agreement) and it works incredibly quickly for 2-3 yo’s provided there isn’t another reason.

minniep · 16/12/2021 20:32

My daughter trained before she turned 3 and my son was 3 years 10 months before he toilet trained so all children are different. I've a two year old who I will try during the Christmas holidays as she is almost 3 and I'd say she will be like her sister and take to it easily but im not worried as she is not starting pre school until next September

DeepaBeesKit · 16/12/2021 20:32

Yeah oh crap is good. I only read about it after I had trained both mine and it was almost exactly what I did!

Doifollowrule · 16/12/2021 20:36

I think a later she seems to be becoming normal. I was told around 2.5 and both my boys were done then, but now I'm childminding I have seen loads of three year olds not done, and they can all tell me when they need changing so could be using the toilet but no one at home seems to be willing to deal with accidents. In my view pull ups are completely pointless - it's not a stage, it's a marketing ploy. If they're ready, (understand what toilet is for, know when they're wet etc, go straight to pants and stay home and let them have the accidents... Pull ups are just nappies, so why would they bother trying? Especially boys, I know most would rather not stop playing to go to the toilet so you need to make it so that not stopping and going to the toilet takes them away from fun for longer. Not in a punishment or negative way, it's just a natural consequence, if they wet themselves in pants they have to then come away and be fully changed immediately, whereas pull ups can wait.

SlothMamaToBe · 16/12/2021 20:36

I know I’ll be in the minority but mine was potty trained by 18 months. As others have said there seems to be a trend now for potty training later and later but I think this can be harder as the older they get the more stubborn they are. Babies naturally don’t want to wee/poo in their nappies (hence why they go as soon as you take their nappies off!) - many cultures around the world don’t use them at all. I suppose it comes down to personal preference but if they aren’t trained by the time they go to school that’s a worry and personally don’t feel it’s fair on the child.

DaisyWaldron · 16/12/2021 20:36

DD started showing signs of readiness a bit before she turned two and a half. I encouraged her to use the potty, let her run around in just a t-shirt to start with, and in around a week she was reliably toilet trained.

DS showed similar signs at a similar age. I did the same thing with him, and within a couple of days at home in just a t-shirt, he was able to wee in the potty. It took him another year to manage to wee in a potty/toilet while wearing trousers, and another 18 months after that to manage a poo in the loo.

I felt very judged by other parents in Mumsnet and other places, but I was aware of several kids who'd been pushed too hard, started witholding poo and ended up with long term damage, and I wanted to avoid that. I found the ERIC website really helpful, and he managed in his own time, with very little stress, and no issues with constipation or witholding.

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 16/12/2021 20:48

DD1 - I tried numerous times from when she was 2 onwards. She just didn't get it. Would literally sit on the potty with lots of encouragement and positive reinforcement, do nothing, and then wee on the sofa without even realising she was doing it. She didn't have any awareness or control until she was nearly 3.5, when she stopped wearing nappies, but she continued having daytime accidents for years. She was dry at night almost immediately though.

DD2 was a totally different experience, announced at 2.5 that she didn't want her nappies any more and was dry day and night within days.

They are all different... some will be early, some will be later. The "my kid was potty training at birth" comments always come out on these threads, does anyone actually think it's helpful?

cadburyegg · 16/12/2021 20:49

[quote Senmumm2021]@DeepaBeesKit they will have a disabled toilet.

"4. Are schools allowed to call a parent or carer in to change their child if they've had an accident?
Although school staff should use their discretion and judge each case on its merits with reference to a child’s individual healthcare plan, it is not generally acceptable practice to ask parents to come into school to change their child after they've wet or soiled themselves.

Only one member of staff needs to be present when changing a child, as long as another member of staff is nearby, so it shouldn't be necessary to call in a parent (see answer to question 2).

It is tantamount to abuse to force/allow a child to sit in wet or soiled underwear until their parent or guardian can come in to change them.

For more detail on this and other unacceptable practice, see the statutory guidance on implementing the Children and Families Act.

The Department for Education's statutory guidance on supporting pupils at school with medical conditions states it is not acceptable for schools to:

Prevent pupils from drinking, eating or taking toilet or other breaks whenever they need to in order to manage their medical condition effectively;

Require parents, or otherwise make them feel obliged, to attend school to administer medication or provide medical support to their child, including with toileting issues. No parent should have to give up working because the school is failing to support their child’s medical needs;

Prevent children from participating, or create unnecessary barriers to children participating in any aspect of school life, including school trips, e.g. by requiring parents to accompany the child."

It's very clear.[/quote]
This guidance seems to be talking about children who are toilet trained but might have the odd accident. Early years staff in YR etc are used to dealing with accidents for the youngest children, at DS1's school they're often asking for donations of spare clothes for early years for this reason. Thats totally different to children being in nappies and needing nappy changes every few hours.

DS1 is in y2 now but I remember when he first started YR there was another child in his class who wasn't fully trained and IMO it was due to the lack of consistency from their parents - I remember taking DS1 to the child's 5th birthday party and the child had a nappy on. If 5 year olds are wearing nappies when they're at home with their parents it's going to be more of a struggle getting them to be dry at school.

EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 16/12/2021 21:02

Stop stressing. He’s only three. He’ll get there soon. He’s not behind at all.

Crayzeefrog · 16/12/2021 21:04

I don’t think you need to worry. My DD trained just before her 3rd birthday but we had a lot of false starts. What have you tried? The thing that worked for us was letting her run around with a bare bum - they don’t like the sensation of weeing down their legs. Previously I had talked to her about big girl pants and got her dressed normally - she wet herself every time.

bonetiredwithtwins · 16/12/2021 21:05

A friend of mine openly admitted she found toilet training her son too hard and was waiting for him to start pre school so they could do it for her 😬 - she was a teacher herself so I was speechless she'd even try and get away with that!

yummyscummymummy01 · 16/12/2021 21:55

Mine were all trained after 3. I attempted to get them done before but it just wasn't happening. I think my eldest was 3.4 and my twins 3.2. My youngest son was a nightmare he was dry almost straight away but took 2 months to do poos in the right place. I didn't use pull ups with the twins as I found it delayed things.
When you're doing it you feel like it'll never end but once it's finally done it's ace.
Good luck and don't stress!

Sh05 · 16/12/2021 22:06

Mine all trained just before their 3rd birthday but my advice to you would be don't compare to others.
I'd DC is telling you after the event then put him back in nappies and try again in 2 months.
Then ditch the pull ups and put him straight into pants. Set a timer for 30 minutes and without fail on the first day take him and just sit on the toilet and chat, blow bubbles, read a book. Anything to get him used to the feeling. I did this each time with my 4 and by day three they were dry and with reminders were going to the toilet for wees and poos.
It's a gruelling few days but after day 5 we went back to normal outings and visiting nana and so on. You just need to give it a few days but only when they're ready.

littleowls83 · 16/12/2021 23:33

DS2 had to be toilet training 3 times over a year as a holiday and then a hospital stay got in the way. Just keep trying.

maddy68 · 16/12/2021 23:35

Noone starts high school in nappies. Stop worrying

HappyAsASandboy · 17/12/2021 07:06

I have let my three children "train" themselves when they're ready. The completely understood about toilets and pants and wiping etc from being with me, and had pants available in their drawer from about 2 years old. Regular choices of nappy or pants while getting dressed.

My twins huddled in a whisper one morning when they were 3 and a bit years, then they announced they wanted pants and potty. A couple of accidents between them over a week and they were sorted.

My third child, same approach, waited until 4 and a bit and was the same. He decided, and so he could!

I'll be doing the same with baby number four Smile

New posts on this thread. Refresh page