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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery Christmas cards..

96 replies

wayoverthebridge · 16/12/2021 17:09

Evening,

There are 40 children in my daughters nursery and I have spent time writing out cards for each of them as the teacher gave us a list of names.

Went to pick up my daughter from nursery and all the children came out with lots of cards, over 20 Atleast. One little child was like "mummy I have 40 cards!"

My daughter comes out with 3.The first one is one I written myself included with the other ones I wrote. The second is from the teacher.

I know she hasn't got many friends in nursery but they are fucking 3, the parents are the ones writing them.

I'm actually fuming, would I be unreasonable to actually pull up parents tomorrow? Like literally all of them.

I'm currently drinking wine, eating cheese and writing 40 cards out to my child.

OP posts:

piggybenben · 17/12/2021 13:29

@wayoverthebridge

Evening,

There are 40 children in my daughters nursery and I have spent time writing out cards for each of them as the teacher gave us a list of names.

Went to pick up my daughter from nursery and all the children came out with lots of cards, over 20 Atleast. One little child was like "mummy I have 40 cards!"

My daughter comes out with 3.The first one is one I written myself included with the other ones I wrote. The second is from the teacher.

I know she hasn't got many friends in nursery but they are fucking 3, the parents are the ones writing them.

I'm actually fuming, would I be unreasonable to actually pull up parents tomorrow? Like literally all of them.

I'm currently drinking wine, eating cheese and writing 40 cards out to my child.

We still have loads of Christmas cards left and my three year old little girl likes sending cards. If you let me know your address, I can send a card for your daughter.

Kite22 · 17/12/2021 13:35

@IdontWanna - still not 'most' schools.
Indeed, I would have no idea who had put what in the 'post box' when children in my class delivered the cards.
It really is NOT the job of any school / teacher / EYP to try to dictate who a child chooses to send cards to.

Legomania · 17/12/2021 14:50

@wayoverthebridge

Evening,

There are 40 children in my daughters nursery and I have spent time writing out cards for each of them as the teacher gave us a list of names.

Went to pick up my daughter from nursery and all the children came out with lots of cards, over 20 Atleast. One little child was like "mummy I have 40 cards!"

My daughter comes out with 3.The first one is one I written myself included with the other ones I wrote. The second is from the teacher.

I know she hasn't got many friends in nursery but they are fucking 3, the parents are the ones writing them.

I'm actually fuming, would I be unreasonable to actually pull up parents tomorrow? Like literally all of them.

I'm currently drinking wine, eating cheese and writing 40 cards out to my child.

DS2 listed the dc he wanted to write a card to (nearly 20, out of a class of probably 35 kids). He actually wrote about 2/3 of those, because he is 3 and a half. I don't have the time or the inclination to write every remaining kid in the class a card. I figure it will even out. Unless your dd hits the other dc or something, I'm sure she's just as popular as everyone else.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 17/12/2021 15:37

Seriously? You are writing cards to 3 year olds? Why? Utterly ridiculous.

Headteacher415 · 17/12/2021 17:33

Perhaps write to the government, not the school. This is exactly the process by which KS2 SATs translate into the progress measures - each child has a predicted grade.

It just needs a mindset "flip" though. This is something to work towards, and DC is more likely to achieve it if he has it in his sights. If he suddenly starts achieving (much) lower than that, they will notice and find out what's wrong. His flightpath will be bumpy over the next few years - progress isn't linear - but new teachers each September will always see him as the child who has proven potential to do well, not the one swinging on his chair at the back that he may become.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 17/12/2021 17:36

Just don’t bother next year.

Maybe some children have bigger friendship groups or their mums are friends so they meet outside of nursery.

Quite normal IME to just write cards to your child’s closest friends, not the entire class.

NumberTheory · 17/12/2021 19:56

It is shit that parents would write cards to a few but not all. And I am so sorry your DD felt left out and confused/hurt by her friends getting so many card and her not.

But I think you are looking in the wrong place for blame. It would be "even" if all the parents wrote cards to all the kids, but it wouldn't mean anything and it would still be encouraging very young children to put some sense of reliance on external validation like this for self esteem.

I know that sounds like it's making a normal thing into a big thing, but this is the in-person version of social media insecurity - desperate for likes, vulnerable to ostracisation and peer pressure. Don't write out cards for the whole class. Try to teach your daughter to value fewer, deeper friendships and be nice enough to everyone but not be beholden to them or to get her self esteem from, what is in the end, fairly vacuous actions from people whose opinions she has no reason to value.

Kite22 · 17/12/2021 21:42

It is shit that parents would write cards to a few but not all

Don't be ridiculous.
That is perfectly normal.
My dc (once in school) wrote cards to whoever they wanted to write cards to - but they wrote them, so, natually, at 4, they lost interest after a few so, by default, wrote to their 2 or 3 (in ds's case) 6 or 7 (in dd's case) actual friends, and didn't just sit down and send out cards that didn't mean anything, but were just names off a list.

NumberTheory · 18/12/2021 00:44

@Kite22

It is shit that parents would write cards to a few but not all

It’s perfectly normal to give cards to just your friends. It’s shit if you give them out at school in front of everyone else.

As with party invites, not being discrete about it in front of people you aren’t inviting is very poor manners.

NumberTheory · 18/12/2021 00:44

*discreet

Kite22 · 18/12/2021 16:01

....and that is down to the way the teacher manages it. I can't imagine a scenario where everyone would be sitting down where there is some sort of performance 'giving of cards' - I mean, why would you ? I never have and I've worked in different schools under many different HTs, with different age groups of children.
It's never been 'a thing' as to who goes home with more or less cards than anyone else.

CourgetteSeason · 18/12/2021 16:59

It hadn't even crossed my mind to send Christmas cards at DS' nursery but then they handed out a list of names and put a post box in reception. Now I'm feeling under pressure to do it and just think it's a waste of time and paper....so no I wouldn't get worked up about it.

Dizzyhedgehog · 18/12/2021 17:11

I haven't even had the time to write cards to my family and friends, let alone any kids in DSs nursery. He finished yesterday and won't be back until the new year, so...nope...nobody is getting any cards. He didn't get any cards from other kids either. It's not done here and people would consider me a very odd parent indeed.

I get why you are upset, though. Perhaps just put dome in her drawer at nursery to bring home. Three-year-olds usually cannot read, yet.

CecilyP · 18/12/2021 17:11

It's not petty at all. Either all the kids should get the same number of cards or none

How would you plan to organise that? Surely you can’t dictate that parents have to write cards. If every parent behaved as OP there would have been 1,600 cards flying around the nursery. Is that really necessary?

PinkSyCo · 18/12/2021 17:14

When my kids were at nursery I asked them who they’d like to give a Christmas card to and they’d give me somewhere between 2 to 10 names and those would be the kids who would receive a card from us. Why does every single child have to send and receive a card to/from every other child these days? It makes the card pretty meaningless surely.

CecilyP · 18/12/2021 17:18

When did it stop being good manners to write cards to everyone in the class?!!

When did it even start? It certainly didn’t happen when I was in primary school in the 1960s. None sent and none received.

TolkiensFallow · 18/12/2021 17:26

It’s nursery. It’s a bit OTT to be doing cards. The kids can’t really write and it’s totally unnecessary.

hazandduck · 18/12/2021 22:24

My 4 year old can’t count to 40 (can’t even count to 20 really!) How do these kids know how many they have 🙈 It’s not worth the stress.

I pulled my DD out of nursery 2 weeks early because of so many covid cases in the other rooms, I’m working from home any way. I told the nursery manager I will drop them (the staff) off some goodies next week before they close, I didn’t even think she may be missing out on cards (thank god - more crap I have to find a place to display or just chuck in the bin!) I feel bad now 😬 hopefully she won’t come back to a slew of cards in Jan.

I think if you let your daughter see it has upset you, it will make her think there is a reason to be upset. If she asks again why she hasn’t got many maybe just say not everyone gives cards out or something to spare her overthinking it? I’m sure it is not a reflection on your little girl or you! Probably just forgetful parents like me who haven’t done cards or checked the list of names.

Chunkymonkey13 · 19/12/2021 07:41

I can see why you might be upset but it’s a Christmas card. Having 40 small bits of card from parents and children I don’t know and will never know. I’m not friends with these people so it doesn’t bother me. Are you sure it’s about the Christmas cards and not that feeling around being left out / popularity as a teenager you are channeling? Is it truly just about the cards?

Overthinkingx3 · 21/12/2021 11:04

I was going to post as I felt bad for you

It’s hard thinking your child is hurt , isolated
My expereince of school where everyone goes every day is that it’s easier to do all or nothing … tho some parents cannot get themselves organised to do any at all

In private nurseries with ad hoc days and random pick ups it can be very random, who knows who
And wjen to meet

Not an excuse for some to be left out

I would be offended but hope your girl gets some before Christmas

I bet she will !
I also think it’s worth asking the nursery worker if there’s a set up mixup

Good luck amd happy Christmas

Hemingwayscatz · 21/12/2021 11:11

Aw this is horrible, made me feel really sad for your DD . I don’t know why any parent would do this to another child at all, they’re so small! I understand when it’s older children writing them to their closest friends rather than the whole class but nursery children when parents are writing them out? You’d always include every child.

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