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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my friend was not wrong in doing this?

124 replies

OneRuleForThem · 16/12/2021 14:55

There has been a split between friends over this conversation, I am on the side of my friend, everyone else is on the other side, not falling out with each other but each side thinking they are right and the other is wrong.

My friend said there is a small dog in the flat above her that sounds like a chihuahua or small kind of dog or a small puppy because of the way it yelps all the time. And said the people in the (one bedroomed) flat go out all day every day of the working week and come back in the evening, but the dog barks all day because left on its own and then barks in a distressed way when they return.

So my friend said they made a call to the RSPCA (not sure if that’s who it was to I can’t remember, but some “official” group) and said she things the dog is being abused and being hit by its owners (but she didn’t really believe that). People came round when they weren’t home and heard the dog in there and then when they came back they talked to them and they eventually ended up with some sort of warning issued to them (not that that’s affected the barking though according to her).

The other side says she was completely out of order saying the dog was being abused when she didn’t think it was being but she said leaving it alone all day in a one bed flat to bark in distress and then bark in even more distress when they came home sounded abusive, and it was also abusive to her having to listening to it all day, every day (she wfh). She thinks (and I agree) that it is a form of abuse to leave a small dog all day alone and if the RSPCA or whoever had found signs of neglect then it would have helped the dog get away from its imprisonment if they had have taken it from the owners. Which side do you think is the one that is BU?

OP posts:

Westerman · 16/12/2021 16:04

I'm not quite sure what the friend hoped to achieve by getting the RSPCA out. Did she hope the dog would be taken away? Or that the owner would be given a talking to over the barking?

I dislike dogs and would hate to put up with barking all day, but your friend made a malicious, untrue report and that is simply wrong. She should have approached the neighbours somehow to discuss it; maybe the owner isn't aware of the dog's distress. Even a letter through the door would have been better than making false accusations.

daisypond · 16/12/2021 16:04

Your friend shouldn’t have lied. She said they hit the dog, which is dreadful. If the dog is left alone all day and barking in distress, that is abusive, though. She could behave just let the owner know, so the owner could arrange some doggy daycare. I can’t see what’s wrong with having a dog in a flat, though. I know lots of people who live in flats and have a dog. What’s abusive about that?

Starcaller · 16/12/2021 16:07

@MorningStarling

As I said in my earlier post, what if it was a crying baby? Would it be OK for OP's friend to ring social services and lie about the parents hitting?

Yes, if the neighbours were leaving a crying baby alone in the house all day, and it sounded distressed when they got home, I think it would be fair enough to say whatever was necessary to get the authorities to investigate.

No no no.

False allegations are so damaging because once found to be false, they can cast doubt on future legitimate allegations. It could end up in real accusations not being taken as seriously as they should because there's a history of vexatious ones. You should never lie, even if you think you're doing it for a good reason, because it can actually result in the opposite to what you intend.

portandchocolate · 16/12/2021 16:07

If she'd have said ' I'm concerned that the dog sounds even more distressed when they return, but I don't know the reason for this' it would have been better.

Starcaller · 16/12/2021 16:08

(Obviously a baby being left alone in a house crying all day wouldn't need any extra embellishment anyway - you'd call the police for that!)

portandchocolate · 16/12/2021 16:10

I should add that in my view the call to report leaving it alone all day in distress was in itself justified.

gogohm · 16/12/2021 16:10

She lied, that is wrong. If she had reported that a dog was barking all day and sounded distressed that is fine, but she didn't stop there and embellished the story I'm guessing to try to get the dog removed

Prescottdanni123 · 16/12/2021 16:13

@Starcaller

(Obviously a baby being left alone in a house crying all day wouldn't need any extra embellishment anyway - you'd call the police for that!)

Oh dear, I clearly haven't worded myself well. I meant if there was a couple living above OP's friend with a baby, and the baby cried a lot (while parents were in the flat too) would she make a complaint to Social services, with a few lies thrown in about how the parents were hitting the baby.

Don't worry, I'm not someone who thinks that leaving a baby on its own is an OK thing to do.

Pugdogmom · 16/12/2021 16:13

I was also on the side of your friend until I heard she lied. I get that the dog annoyed her and if it's a puppy, certainly shouldn't be left alone all day long ( applies to any dogs actually). Seems your friend was more concerned about herself rather than the dog tbh.
She should just have told the truth or contacted the Council dog warden/noise complaint team.

Lasair · 16/12/2021 16:14

Your “friend” aka you, is massively in the wrong. Leaving a dog alone all day is abuse so there was no need to lie. Is your “friend” very immature?

ancientgran · 16/12/2021 16:15

I think the fact that the dog sounds distressed when the owners return is worrying and she wasn't wrong to report that. Who knows why the dog sounds distressed but it doesn't seem right that the dog is distressed when the owners return.

ancientgran · 16/12/2021 16:17

OhLookMoreShit · 16/12/2021 16:20

Good for your friend!! So what if she lied sometimes you have to exaggerate to get people to listen. The dog IS being neglected and it serves the owners right for being inconsiderate, shit neighbours. I fucking hate bastards like that!!

Prescottdanni123 · 16/12/2021 16:21

@ancientgran

@ancientgran

No there is nothing wrong with reporting truthful facts. But it would be wrong to then start making up lies just to add weight to the story. Because sometimes babys do cry a lot, and you could create a whole world of trouble for the parents if you start fibbing about the mum and dad being physically abusive.

NumberTheory · 16/12/2021 16:25

@ancientgran

Accusing someone of hitting a baby when you don’t think they are isn’t “better safe than sorry”. It’s lying and vile and likely to muddy any investigation and make it harder for SS to help the baby. You can report what you know without embellishing it with lies.

LowlandLucky · 16/12/2021 16:26

Of course all the people on here saying she was being unreasonable would happily put up with a mutt barking all day every day living next door to them

MadeOfStarStuff · 16/12/2021 16:27

She shouldn’t have made a malicious accusation

If the dog is causing a nuisance in a flat because it’s barking all day she should report it to the landlord if the other person rents or to the building management company.

me4real · 16/12/2021 16:27

She shouldn'tve lied. The RSCA can be twats. 'Prevention of Cruelty to Animals is a euuphemism for euthanasia anyway, as they kill healthy animals.

Beautiful3 · 16/12/2021 16:28

She told a lie. Imagine social services coming round your house, to tell you that a neighbour had reported you abusing your children. Just because your child cries alot. That's disgusting and causes stress. She should have put her big girl pants on and gone upstairs to speak with them. They may have not been aware that the dogs making a noise while they're out. Now she can't because they'll know that it was her.

Riverlee · 16/12/2021 16:28

Fair enough to say that she’s concerned because the dog is being left alone all day. However, slightly despicable to say the dog is being hit, when this is untrue.

So the friend is in the wrong for exaggerating the situation, and potentially causing serious trouble to the neighbours.

blisstwins · 16/12/2021 16:29

I think your friend is a coward and a liar. She is 100% concerned with herself, not the dog. My view of her would change dramatically if she told me she did that.

CommanderBurnham · 16/12/2021 16:29

You're both correct. You for supporting your friend for reporting possible cruelty to an animal, and your other friends for being appalled at making up a lie.

She didn't need to lie, she just needed to report the dog. It's a low blow if she was just reporting it as cruelty because of the noise, that's a job for the council I think.

YourVagesty · 16/12/2021 16:30

I have a chihuahua and he shrieks like he's being murdered when I come home. It's just pure excitement.

I think your friend is an arsehole.

IntermittentParps · 16/12/2021 16:32

The RSPCA are shite and won't take action unless serious physical harm is being caused.
But I agree, leaving a dog alone all day is also abusive and neglectful. If she'd just said it was barking they wouldn't have bothered; this was the only way to get them to come round.

Although, it hasn't helped, obviously. But that's not your friend's doing. Poor dog.

Prescottdanni123 · 16/12/2021 16:33

@LowlandLucky

It is not OK to make false accusations against someone, with the potential to result in prosecution, just because you do not like the noise their dog makes.

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