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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend was not wrong in doing this?

124 replies

OneRuleForThem · 16/12/2021 14:55

There has been a split between friends over this conversation, I am on the side of my friend, everyone else is on the other side, not falling out with each other but each side thinking they are right and the other is wrong.

My friend said there is a small dog in the flat above her that sounds like a chihuahua or small kind of dog or a small puppy because of the way it yelps all the time. And said the people in the (one bedroomed) flat go out all day every day of the working week and come back in the evening, but the dog barks all day because left on its own and then barks in a distressed way when they return.

So my friend said they made a call to the RSPCA (not sure if that’s who it was to I can’t remember, but some “official” group) and said she things the dog is being abused and being hit by its owners (but she didn’t really believe that). People came round when they weren’t home and heard the dog in there and then when they came back they talked to them and they eventually ended up with some sort of warning issued to them (not that that’s affected the barking though according to her).

The other side says she was completely out of order saying the dog was being abused when she didn’t think it was being but she said leaving it alone all day in a one bed flat to bark in distress and then bark in even more distress when they came home sounded abusive, and it was also abusive to her having to listening to it all day, every day (she wfh). She thinks (and I agree) that it is a form of abuse to leave a small dog all day alone and if the RSPCA or whoever had found signs of neglect then it would have helped the dog get away from its imprisonment if they had have taken it from the owners. Which side do you think is the one that is BU?

OP posts:
Prescottdanni123 · 16/12/2021 15:33

Yes it is wrong to get a dog and leave it in the house all day by itself. If you don't have time for a dog, you shouldn't get one.

But she was unreasonable to accuse them of hitting the animal when she believed that wasn't the case. If the RSPCA believed her, the dog could have been taken away, police involved, owners banned from owning animals again.

Where does your friend draw the line when it comes to false accusations. She could get people into a lot of trouble one day. If a couple moved into the flat above her with a baby that cried a lot, would she ring social services and say "The baby in the flat above me keeps crying and I think that the parents are hitting them," Despite not believing that the parents are not actually abusive.

BlusteringBoobies · 16/12/2021 15:38

Totally out of order and unreasonable

Obviously dog shouldn't be left all day BUT

-Have a conversation. They may not realise the dog sounds distressed and might have then contacted day care or a dog walker

-IF the above fails, call the RSPCA with the correct information. Sorry but 'This dog is being abused AND BEING HIT' is fucking terrible behaviour.

If that dog gets taken away from it's owners (without them being given the opportunity to resolve the issue) then that's just nasty and on your friend

pigsDOfly · 16/12/2021 15:41

What a shame that your friend couldn't be honest but instead became spiteful and made a malicious claim against these people.

They are very much in the wrong to leave an animal alone all day like that but their cruelty could be from ignorance rather than malice, in which case they need advice; there are far better ways of dealing with the situation than lying about them.

If she's really find the noise annoying she should speak to her local council about noise nuisance and start keeping a record of the noise and how it impacts on her life.

Lying like that is a horrible thing to do.

Hm2020 · 16/12/2021 15:44

👏👏👏 well done to your friend it is bloody abuse leaving it alone all day in distress

Helpstopthepain · 16/12/2021 15:44

She was maybe right to report possible neglect but why lie? That’s just spiteful.

Marianne1234 · 16/12/2021 15:44

I’m not a doggy person. How do you know if a dog is “barking in distress” as opposed to just regular barking?

I mean I accept thy the dog probably is distressed at being alone all day but how does your friend know it is distressed when they return??

Justcallmebebes · 16/12/2021 15:45

Leaving a dog alone in a flat all day is abusive. So yes, you're friend was in the right and the RSPCA wouldn't have come out if she'd just said it was barking all day so I think she was justified in lying.

I'm on your friend's side. Don't have a dog if you have to leave it for hours on end. It's cruel

nannybeach · 16/12/2021 15:45

Wheeliebinprincess,you are correct,we had neighbours who left dogs all day barking,RSPCA not interested, actually said"dogs don't need walking". The chap opposite,was telling me he wasn't happy the RSPCA allowed his son who lived in a flat to have a dog.

Pawprintpaper · 16/12/2021 15:46

@pigsDOfly

What a shame that your friend couldn't be honest but instead became spiteful and made a malicious claim against these people.

They are very much in the wrong to leave an animal alone all day like that but their cruelty could be from ignorance rather than malice, in which case they need advice; there are far better ways of dealing with the situation than lying about them.

If she's really find the noise annoying she should speak to her local council about noise nuisance and start keeping a record of the noise and how it impacts on her life.

Lying like that is a horrible thing to do.

This
FrankGrillosWrist · 16/12/2021 15:48

If this had been reported to the local council they would check the dog out to see if it was being looked after properly. Should the owners do nothing & the dog continues to bark then the council can remove it from the property.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/12/2021 15:48

She's in the wrong for lying about them hitting the dog, she wouldn't have been wrong if she told the truth though

Alwayswonderedwhy · 16/12/2021 15:48

Hitting a dog and leaving it unattended all day are two completely different things. She should've just told the truth.

whynotwhatknot · 16/12/2021 15:49

its cruel to leave a dog all day but there was no need to lie

i used to have aneighbour who done this the council sent them a noise warning letter

she shouldnt hav esaid the dog was being hit

Carinattheliqorstore1 · 16/12/2021 15:50

OP: you are the friend. Aren’t you?

BlusteringBoobies · 16/12/2021 15:51

I think those saying the friend was in the right to say it is a form of abuse and therefore she is in the right have a point...but are perhaps missing the fact that the friend also accused the neighbours of HITTING the dog despite not believing this to be the case

The fall out from this could be prosecution, dog taken away and banned from owning animals. All this because she didn't want to have a simple conversation...

Prescottdanni123 · 16/12/2021 15:52

@Justcallmebebes

Leaving a dog alone in a flat all day is abusive. So yes, you're friend was in the right and the RSPCA wouldn't have come out if she'd just said it was barking all day so I think she was justified in lying.

I'm on your friend's side. Don't have a dog if you have to leave it for hours on end. It's cruel

I'm not denying that you shouldn't get a dog if you are going to leave it alone all day, but as someone else said, these could be lovong owners acting out of ignorance, not malice. Being accused of hitting an animal can have very damaging, lasting consequences.

As I said in my earlier post, what if it was a crying baby? Would it be OK for OP's friend to ring social services and lie about the parents hitting?

MorningStarling · 16/12/2021 15:54

Your friend was justified, leaving the animal alone all day barking is abusive. The fact that the RSPCA issued a warning shows that they were not entirely satisfied with what was going on, therefore the complaint was justified even if the motive behind it was not.

MorningStarling · 16/12/2021 15:55

As I said in my earlier post, what if it was a crying baby? Would it be OK for OP's friend to ring social services and lie about the parents hitting?

Yes, if the neighbours were leaving a crying baby alone in the house all day, and it sounded distressed when they got home, I think it would be fair enough to say whatever was necessary to get the authorities to investigate.

nannybeach · 16/12/2021 15:56

After several years of 20 hours a day barking,we did report to local authority,they weren't interested either.

ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 15:57

She thinks (and I agree) that it is a form of abuse to leave a small dog all day alone
It is. And of any size dog!

and if the RSPCA or whoever had found signs of neglect then it would have helped the dog get away from its imprisonment
Naive.
The RSPCA primarily is a money-making organisation, whose main purpose is to maintain its own wealth & tax-efficient charotablke status..
They are fucking useless in cases of animal cruelty.

ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 15:57

charitable

SilentBob · 16/12/2021 15:57

Way back in the dark ages, I owned 2 dogs- both rescues, both giants- mastiff and Akita. They were walked for miles in the am then off I trotted out for 2 hours thinking nothing of it.

My lovely neighbour collared me to say one of my dogs sounded really upset when I left and she was worried that a) dog wasn't happy and b) I didn't know about it.

Turns out the rescue Akita was howling like buggery (set up camera and left the house to see what was going on)- the mastiff didn't give a shiny shit.

All was sorted very amicably. What didn't happen was she didn't lie to the rspca or whoever, she first spoke to me. Communication, that's all that was needed.

What she

Prescottdanni123 · 16/12/2021 15:59

@MorningStarling

I clearly didn't mean leaving a crying baby alone all day.

What I meant was what if a couple moves in above OP's friend with a baby that cries a lot. OP's friend finds the constant crying annoying, or maybe she is genuinely concerned about the amount of crying. So she calls social services. Would she tell the truth and just say that the baby is crying a lot? Or would she decide to add a bit more weight to her story by embellishing it with a few lies? Like telling social services that the parents hit the baby, etc etc

MsAgnesDiPesto · 16/12/2021 15:59

“Hi there, I’m Sue! I live in the flat downstairs. Welcome to the block. I work at home, and I just thought I’d let you know that your little pup seems to be distressed a lot because he barks the whole time you’re not here. Of course you wouldn’t know because you’re at work, so I thought I’d just let you know. I hate to think of him upset. Isn’t he cute though!”

That’s not a confrontation. It’s a conversation. She doesn’t have to frame it as a complaint about the noise, just let them know what’s happening.

Honestly. I despair that people never talk to each other any more!

And your friend is despicable for lying. She has reported her neighbours for a criminal offence they haven’t committed. I hope the RSPCA don’t prosecute or she could add perjury to the list of awful things she’s done over this.

Toplowlight · 16/12/2021 16:02

Why did she lie? I wouldn’t have a problem with her reporting that the dog is alone all day but I can’t see any justification for accusing someone of hitting a dog when you don’t actually believe they are. Why would that be ok?