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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a really sh#tty time dealing with my late partners wife and son

67 replies

Modog · 16/12/2021 03:17

I posted for a short time at the end of August. My partner was dying from oesophagal cancer and then he died . I thought I was under a lot
of stress but .....little did I know what was about to happen.

OP posts:
SmallBoyFury · 16/12/2021 03:23

I’m sorry for your loss.

What’s happening with his wife and son?

Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 03:31

The wife....she never wanted a divorce although they hadnt lived together for 30 years. descended on us as soon as she heard (from me) that he had been given 6 months to live. I thought it a little odd that the first thing she asked me was " has he made a will" Looking back now I could see that she had turned up simply to make sure that she could wring the last bit of cash out of him

OP posts:
PlanktonsComputerWife · 16/12/2021 03:33

Sorry for your loss.

MrsSiba · 16/12/2021 03:37

Was she divorced from him? You refer to her as his wife... ?

Does she think she could be entitled to money from his estate?

How awful for you to have this to deal with as well as bereavement.

Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 03:39

I did all the leg work ....arranging the service, letting his friends and ex collleages know. She arrived the week before he died and hung around in her van . We had a one bedroom flat and by the end my QH was awake every hour or so and on a VERY large amount of morphine patches and opiates . In a great deal of pain

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Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 03:41

She seems to think that she should be able to ask ,no demand anything that takes her fancy

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Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 03:46

I am bi-polar....I had cerebral malaria back in the 80s and sadly miscarried ai 5 months and I havent been coping too well

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 16/12/2021 03:46

I’m sorry about your partner. Does he have a will and is his wife in it? You can ask her to leave, and if he has a will to wait for probate.

SmallBoyFury · 16/12/2021 03:47

Had they any joint assets at the time of his death?

What was the legal set-up for your flat; was it owned jointly or solely by one of you.

Have you spoken to a solicitor?

Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 03:52

No. I have found a hand written will in his drawer but it hasnt been witnessed so isnt legally binding. In it he basically says I should get his bank balance ...we had seperate accounts and that I should decide on who gets what

OP posts:
AdultingAvoidance · 16/12/2021 03:54

I trust your partner made a will after diagnosis and gave a copy to you and lodged it with a solicitor. If not, she’s next of kin and will take everything. Harsh but true. Pls tell us he made that will. Sorry this is happening to you.

Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 03:57

No they lived seperate lives. No joint assets at all. The flat ,thank God .is Housing Ass. I am on the tenancy so thats secure and at least I wont have to worry about the boiler breaking or yhe roof blowing off

OP posts:
Aprilx · 16/12/2021 03:59

@Modog

No. I have found a hand written will in his drawer but it hasnt been witnessed so isnt legally binding. In it he basically says I should get his bank balance ...we had seperate accounts and that I should decide on who gets what
Well as you say the will is not valid and it doesn’t matter what it states.

Where do you live? If it is the UK (well Scotland might be different) then from herein, his wife is likely to be the one to handle his estate as the main beneficiary. Did you have a property? If so how was that held?

AdultingAvoidance · 16/12/2021 03:59

Just seen your response. Horribly selfish of your late partner not to act responsibly. Was he in denial of his diagnosis? He has left you in a precarious position. I believe Your entitlement is zero. Pls seek legal advise ASAP

Aprilx · 16/12/2021 04:00

Just seen your update re the property, that is good news that your housing is safe.

Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 04:02

No legal will but I have spoken to a solicitor friend on the phone and it seems that ,because I registered the death, arranged (and paid for) his funeral. I may be able to claim probate

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Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 04:05

I dont really care too much. I really just wanted to vent about how grasping and greedy this woman is being

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Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 04:08

His illness really accelerated at the end . I honestly believe that he thought he might get another couple of weeks.

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Charley50 · 16/12/2021 04:09

Sorry for your loss Flowers. Unless he only had £200 in the bank he should have written a will. It's legally his wife's. Glad you have the flat so that won't change, and is stability while you're grieving.

Aprilx · 16/12/2021 04:10

@Modog

No legal will but I have spoken to a solicitor friend on the phone and it seems that ,because I registered the death, arranged (and paid for) his funeral. I may be able to claim probate
Does your friend know there is a wife and child around? Because organising a funeral does not mean that intestacy law does not apply, neither does paying for a funeral. I am surprised your solicitor friend entitled probate too, because if there is no will there is no probate, just letters of administration. I suspect your friend spoke without knowing the situation properly.

I would be surprised if you are granted the letters of administration (similar to probate but when there is no will), when a wife and child are around, unless they agree to it.

To be honest, why would you bring this on yourself anyway? Just because you are granted letters of administration, does not mean you get to choose how the estate is allocated, you have to follow intestacy, which means passing onto his wife / child. You might as well let them deal with it as you are not a beneficiary.

Aprilx · 16/12/2021 04:11
  • you should send the bill for funeral costs to the person who ends up dealing with letters of administration. This should be paid by the estate.
Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 04:12

She couldnt contain herself. She started being unpleasant the day after the wake . And her 40 yr old son who lives an alternant lifestyle and has never held down a steady job

OP posts:
Aprilx · 16/12/2021 04:13

@Modog

I dont really care too much. I really just wanted to vent about how grasping and greedy this woman is being
Don’t give this headspace. It is was it is.
Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 04:13

I sound like Hyacinth Bucket

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Original poster
Modog · 16/12/2021 04:14

You are so rtght. She is SO not worth it

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