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Original poster

To denounce a group friend as being hypocritical

64 replies

Mousie38 · 14/12/2021 15:19

I have joined a lovely new group of friends in my new town as I moved during lockdown last year. We are mostly in our mid 50s, some older, and one a bit younger at 40.
This lady is a very strong Christian as am I but she is a bit more 'out there' with her beliefs' - more 'born again' and I am quite traditional C of E.
We were chatting last week and she said that she doesn't believe in LGBTQ+ and that anyone gay should have conversion therapy to make them see the error of their ways and become 'normal'. This has really shocked me and I now don't want to meet up with the group if she is there as this sort of talk makes me really uncomfortable - I am of the belief that Christianity means embracing all and inclusivity and one of the ladies has a gay son and I'm sure she would be horrified if she knew this.

Should I mention it (but potentially this could backfire on me) or stay quiet and not join in activities . She doesn't work so is there for coffee/lunch every week.

OP posts:
EducatingArti · 14/12/2021 15:22

To be honest, I think you should just keep going to enjoy the friendship of the others. Don't particularly say anything to the others about her beliefs. They will come to the fore anyway if she is being open about them and people can make up their own minds about what they think about her.
At least you are in a position to show that Not All Christians Are Like That!

pigsDOfly · 14/12/2021 15:24

Well, if the rest of the group have known her for a while they'll no doubt know her views. Your bringing it to everyone's attention will very likely backfire on you.

I can't really see why this woman's views should impact on you so much that it stops you joining in the activities. Can't you just avoid her as much as possible and not get into deep conversations with her?

girlmom21 · 14/12/2021 15:25

Surely you can socialise without agreeing on everything?

BornIn78 · 14/12/2021 15:27

Why would you “denounce” this person to the group?

Did you actually challenge or discuss her views with her at the time, or do you just want to save it for some drama within the group?

Original poster
Mousie38 · 14/12/2021 15:29

it's not a question of agreeing on everything - I find these views abhorrent and no - the group hasn't known each other that long so people just think she's a lovely kind person :(

OP posts:
CraftyGin · 14/12/2021 15:29

@Mousie38

I have joined a lovely new group of friends in my new town as I moved during lockdown last year. We are mostly in our mid 50s, some older, and one a bit younger at 40. This lady is a very strong Christian as am I but she is a bit more 'out there' with her beliefs' - more 'born again' and I am quite traditional C of E. We were chatting last week and she said that she doesn't believe in LGBTQ+ and that anyone gay should have conversion therapy to make them see the error of their ways and become 'normal'. This has really shocked me and I now don't want to meet up with the group if she is there as this sort of talk makes me really uncomfortable - I am of the belief that Christianity means embracing all and inclusivity and one of the ladies has a gay son and I'm sure she would be horrified if she knew this. Should I mention it (but potentially this could backfire on me) or stay quiet and not join in activities . She doesn't work so is there for coffee/lunch every week.
Suggests she joins the Living in Life and Faith course in the new year.
Original poster
Mousie38 · 14/12/2021 15:29

Not going to denounce to the group - how dramatic! Yes, I did challenge her views at the time and she just said I was wrong

OP posts:
WhoAre · 14/12/2021 15:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Northofsomewhere · 14/12/2021 15:32

I also think you shouldn't cut yourself out of every event she attends but I would challenge her beliefs if they came up. IMO she's obviously wrong to support conversation therapy, the government are also working to make it illegal (as it should already be) but allow her to drop herself in it rather than you.

I definitely wouldn't meet up with her on my own anymore though, for me LGBT+ rights are a fundamental belief that I have to share with close friends but would just challenge others in a group setting.

Original poster
Mousie38 · 14/12/2021 15:32

I think so too, and yet she comes across as so kind and helpful.....

OP posts:
BornIn78 · 14/12/2021 15:32

Not going to denounce to the group - how dramatic!

Well that’s exactly what your thread title and your post said.

Keep your mouth shut and I’m sure the subject will come up at some point in the group.

Emerald5hamrock · 14/12/2021 15:33

I wouldn't call her out by being confrontational she'll never change her views though I'd be letting her know you don't hold the same views without a big explanation.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/12/2021 15:33

I’m with you Op. I mean I don’t think I’d “denounce” anyone as such, but I’d definitely challenge her and not really want to be her friend.

My children go to a church school. I am on the PTA so admin of the class WhatsApp group - that’s just how it works at our school. I’ve asked people not to post anti LGBTQ+ things or anti abortion things before now - on the couple of occasions when it’s happened. Can’t have that. Nearly everyone agrees with me though!

Pumperthepumper · 14/12/2021 15:33

I don’t get how she’s hypocritical? She’s just an arsehole with offensive views. What did she say when you challenged her?

cstaff · 14/12/2021 15:36

You can have different views on matters with people and still remain friendly with them. I just chose not to discuss whatever the controversial topic is and if she brings it up just don't get involved. If she continues to do this amongst the group the others will either agree or not but that will be up to them.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 14/12/2021 15:36

You've told her your views, she's told you hers. Its very likely that neither of you will get into that conversation again. If you want to cut out a whole potential friendship group because of the ridiculous views of one person, go ahead, but the better option would be to avoid this person and not get onto the topic.

AlfonsoTheUnrepentant · 14/12/2021 15:37

Please don't take it upon yourself to "denounce" anyone. If you disagree with her views, fine. But that does not give you the right to get on your moral high horse.

TheSpiral · 14/12/2021 15:39

Obviously I don't agree with her views but she isn't being hypocritical is she? Unless she is secretly gay herself.

Dmsandfloatydress · 14/12/2021 15:40

I expect any evangelical christian to hold those views so I wouldn't be surprised. I usually wouldn't socialise one on one with those types as we have nothing in common. As part of a group I'd just keep it light and challenge any homophobic language or behaviour. I'm sure she is aware that her views are not popular. I assume My Muslim friends have similar views bit we never discuss it as my friendships are superficial. I have close friends who share my values for the most part.

Scarydinosaurs · 14/12/2021 15:40

If you want to do some genuine good, keep your friendship and live a life that demonstrates the good Christian values you believe in.

If you cut off people whose views you don’t like, you’ll isolate them further and never change their mind.

Jesus was friends with everyone - people won’t suddenly start being ‘better people’ because you stop speaking to them.

AlfonsoTheUnrepentant · 14/12/2021 15:41

Isn't part of Christianity to turn the other cheek and not throw stones unless you are not a sinner yourself?

Having a go at someone in a group because you disagree with them is very un-Christian, making the poster a hypocrite.

girlmom21 · 14/12/2021 15:41

@Mousie38

it's not a question of agreeing on everything - I find these views abhorrent and no - the group hasn't known each other that long so people just think she's a lovely kind person :(
Have you had the same conversation with everyone else in the group? You might find a few agree with her. You might not. I just don't think it's worth the dramatics.
Flipflopblowout · 14/12/2021 15:43

Seems to me that she could be a Christian with intolerance issues, a bit like yourself?

AlfonsoTheUnrepentant · 14/12/2021 15:45

@Flipflopblowout

Seems to me that she could be a Christian with intolerance issues, a bit like yourself?
Indeed.
MrzClaus · 14/12/2021 15:47

@Flipflopblowout

Seems to me that she could be a Christian with intolerance issues, a bit like yourself?
😂 this