Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To not let a 13 year old babysit 9 year old for 20 mins?

94 replies

Starcup · 14/12/2021 00:16

Just that really and inspired by another thread.

I’ve got a very sensible DC 13 (year 8) and I trust to do the right/sensible thing. I can leave them alone for a couple of hours on occasion fine.

9 year old isn’t sensible and there’s no way on this earth would I leave them on their own (though I know some people would at 9) but equally isn’t in to everything and is very happy playing on their computer.

I sometimes think it will be great when they’re at an age where I can pop to the shop and leave them at home together for 20 mins, so I can pick up something for tea etc….

But reading comments on a different thread, I think some people would happily leave a sensible 13 year old with a 9 year old sibling for 30 mins maximum?

Am I being OTT to think I wouldn’t yet?

OP posts:

Babdoc · 14/12/2021 12:53

The current generation of mothers seems far more cautious than my own.
25 years ago, my own DDs walked home alone from the village school at the ages of 8 and 9, got themselves a drink and a biscuit, and were alone at home for two hours every day until I got back from work.
They didn't come to any harm, and were quite resourceful of necessity, as their dad died when they were babies, and I was a working single parent for virtually their entire childhood.

Comedycook · 14/12/2021 12:55

@Babdoc

The current generation of mothers seems far more cautious than my own. 25 years ago, my own DDs walked home alone from the village school at the ages of 8 and 9, got themselves a drink and a biscuit, and were alone at home for two hours every day until I got back from work. They didn't come to any harm, and were quite resourceful of necessity, as their dad died when they were babies, and I was a working single parent for virtually their entire childhood.

If you did this now you'd be reported to social services

liveforsummer · 14/12/2021 13:08

If you did this now you'd be reported to social services

Of course you wouldn't. Don't be ridiculous 🙄

Comedycook · 14/12/2021 13:10

@liveforsummer

If you did this now you'd be reported to social services

Of course you wouldn't. Don't be ridiculous 🙄

You would. Schools won't even release an eight year old child unless there's an adult to collect them.

Cheerbear24 · 14/12/2021 13:16

@Bunce1

Yes ok- gas hob would’ve slightly terrifying but if the older one was supervising then ok?

I am in the fortunate position that my children run along together fairly well which is an immense blessing.

@Bunce1 They were 11 & 10 when that happened. So in theory probably ok, but I’d just have preferred them to stay in their rooms!! DS2 is most likely to roam about looking for trouble and also won’t listen to DS1, so could have resulted in an argument. For me it was totally about the personalities and combinations of who I could leave together, so never DS2 & DD, maybe DS1 & DS2 (omelettes aside), DS1 & DD were ok together.

AnotherOneWithNoGoodName · 14/12/2021 13:16

You would. Schools won't even release an eight year old child unless there's an adult to collect them

With good reason, IMO. Imagine an 8 year old doing the same as the post a few up- walking home, letting themselves in, and parent returning 2 hours or so later. If anything happened, or 8 y/o didn't make it home, nobody would know until hours later. It's not even the same as allowing an 8 y/o to walk home alone (I would have no issue with an 8 y/o of mine walking a very short distance home alone, if, for example we lived in the same street as the school) but I think letting themselves in and being alone for upwards of 2 hours is unsafe.

liveforsummer · 14/12/2021 13:17

They absolutely do, here only primary 1-2 need handed over to an adult (4-6 usually) my dd spent all of last year picking my daughter up and bringing her home as covid staggered ends meant I could no longer make it in time from work. This started when they were 10 and 7 and continued in to 11 and 8. They weren't in the house alone as I was there by the time they got back just couldn't get to school and get parked in time. However I guess, yes maybe some busybody might call social services but unless there were other concerns it's very likely anything would be done. Have you ever seen how bad things need to be before kids end up on a as register or get removed. Certain lot worse than 2 over 8 responsible kids entertaining themselves for a couple of hours so mum can earn the money to put food on the table

bobsholi · 14/12/2021 13:17

I would leave mine at those ages, but I don't know your children so I can't really answer for your situation.

tintodeverano2 · 14/12/2021 13:20

It very much depends on the child. Some 9 year olds would be fine, others not. Only you as a parent can make that call.

liveforsummer · 14/12/2021 13:20

But it wasn't just an 8 year old it was an 8 year old plus older sibling. These days a mobile phone, ring door bell, Alexa are available so you know very well if they are home and ok

Comedycook · 14/12/2021 13:20

I'm not criticising you @liveforsummer and I'm not saying ss would remove the children, but if an eight year old told their teacher they walk home alone, let themselves in and are home alone for two hours, that would now be considered a safe guarding concern.

TeacupDrama · 14/12/2021 13:22

@comedycook

actually lots of schools will, in my DD primary in Scotland anyone from P3 (age7-8) upwards is just allowed to leave at 3pm with the message that if they were expecting someone and they are not there to come back
and if you send a written letter to school giving permission for your child to leave alone then that is all that's required. SS are not interested in school policies / rules just whether a particular child is at risk doing activity X ( not whether every child could be at risk or would be safe doing X) so if you live 50 metres form school without needing to cross a road it would be extremely hard for a school to convince SS that is was a risk for an 8 year old to go home alone if someone was at home waiting, if it was 2 miles and 3 roads SS would almost certainly agree it was too risky

liveforsummer · 14/12/2021 13:23

@Comedycook

I'm not criticising you *@liveforsummer* and I'm not saying ss would remove the children, but if an eight year old told their teacher they walk home alone, let themselves in and are home alone for two hours, that would now be considered a safe guarding concern.

In my case the school were aware. I told them. Zero safeguarding concern. I work in a school in a very deprived area. Trust me that's waay off our radar when it comes to safeguarding concerns. You should see the concerns I've raised that have been dismissed. That would absolutely not even register

Newnormal99 · 14/12/2021 13:24

I have the same age gap and the youngest is dyspraxic. She is away with the fairies and really doesn't think of consequences.

I still only leave them for 1.5 hours max and if I can be back in 20 minutes - my oldest is now 14 so really I should be more relaxed. I just know the youngest is bound to do something dumb!

Comedycook · 14/12/2021 13:26

In my DC's school, they are only allowed to be dismissed without an adult in year 6...and anyone picking them up must be over the age of 16 or it might be 18...but they wouldn't be released to say a 14 year old sibling.

FinallyHere · 14/12/2021 14:18

Not suggesting it was right, but as a 13 year old I was a very popular babysitter. I was only ever available in the school holidays. I had to turn away lots of requests.

I knew nothing about children. I still know nothing about them but have at least done some first aid and CPR courses.

Then I was given a phone number and instructed to call the parents back if there was anything that concerned me.

If I let my self think about what might have happened, I go hot and cold all over.

escapingthecity · 14/12/2021 14:29

I used to babysit my brothers from about the age of 11/12. I am very very sensible though

TeacupDrama · 14/12/2021 14:31

@comedycook that is not legally enforceable and if you sent a letter for a Y4 or Y5 saying they can walk home alone there is nothing the school can do about it apart from release them they will try and say not policy etc etc but they can't insist neither can they dictate who picks them up unless they can prove it is a definite risk and for some kids it might be but for others not
ie if someone writes to school saying John is now allowed to walk home after school by himself on Wednesday's and thursdays
if school then call social services to say no one collected John on Wednesday, when social services call you and you say we only live 50 metres away and have given permission for John to walk home and have written to school all SS will say to the school is why do you think John is incapable of walking home 50 metres on his own, unless the school can specify why it is a risk for John SS will inform the school that your consent for him to walk home is adequate there is no demonstrable known risk to John and therefore they have to allow him to walk home, if school refused to let him home again SS will not even bother with it. SS are not remotely interested in school generally wanting same rules for all kids

Skeumorph · 14/12/2021 14:33

@WorraLiberty

I say this on every thread like this

It's about the kids not the numbers

You know your own kids, Mumsnet doesn't.

Yes this.

Mine - yes.

I know a couple of 8-9 year olds now that I wouldn't inflict on either of my teenagers, I don't think they could keep them safe.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread