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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let a 13 year old babysit 9 year old for 20 mins?

94 replies

Starcup · 14/12/2021 00:16

Just that really and inspired by another thread.

I’ve got a very sensible DC 13 (year 8) and I trust to do the right/sensible thing. I can leave them alone for a couple of hours on occasion fine.

9 year old isn’t sensible and there’s no way on this earth would I leave them on their own (though I know some people would at 9) but equally isn’t in to everything and is very happy playing on their computer.

I sometimes think it will be great when they’re at an age where I can pop to the shop and leave them at home together for 20 mins, so I can pick up something for tea etc….

But reading comments on a different thread, I think some people would happily leave a sensible 13 year old with a 9 year old sibling for 30 mins maximum?

Am I being OTT to think I wouldn’t yet?

OP posts:
GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 14/12/2021 11:22

It all depends on the children. I would happily leave my 13 year old dd with a younger child as long as that child wasn't a handful.

There's no way I'd leave my 9yr old with my 13 year old as she's a nightmare and will deliberately do things she knows she's not supposed to. At 47 I have problems with her behaviour, her 13 year old sister would have no chance.

Seeline · 14/12/2021 11:39

@ClaudiaJ1

Kids babysit for families in the neighbourhood at 13, so you are being massively unreasonable and are helicoptering your children which damages their development. Btw, The Babysitters Club is based on real people, and many 12 and 13 year olds started babysitting clubs in the last 2 decades due to reading the books.

Please give your head a wobble and stop damaging your children's development. Your 13 year old should be able to babysit at other people's houses during the day and at night.

What absolute rubbish!!

No -one is damaging any child's development by not leaving them on their own when they are not ready, or putting a child in a position of responsibility when they are not ready, or capable of dealing with that responsibility.

There are not many 12 yos that I have met that I would've been willing to trust my children's health and safety with.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 14/12/2021 11:39

I leave my 20yo and 8yo together for 10 mins to pop to the shop. They are also allowed there together (and 10yo by herself).

It might seem strange but I only leave them in walking distance. Not driving.

Comedycook · 14/12/2021 11:45

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

I leave my 20yo and 8yo together for 10 mins to pop to the shop. They are also allowed there together (and 10yo by herself).

It might seem strange but I only leave them in walking distance. Not driving.

But your eldest is an adult...that's hardly surprising you leave them alone with your eight year old. Why for only ten minutes? Your eldest could look after them for much longer surely? Unless they have sn?
RonObvious · 14/12/2021 11:46

I think the issue is making the 13 year old responsible for the 9 year old.

I agree with this. I have an incredibly sensible and rule-abiding 10 year, who I let go to the park on her own. However, my 8 year old can be a contrary little bugger at times, and I don't think it's fair to leave her in charge of him, as he would not listen to her (barely listens to me).

Earwigworries · 14/12/2021 11:49

I think you know your 9 year old best … if you think they’re not sensible then don’t make the 13 year old responsible for them . My 13 year old I would leave alone at the age of 9/10 for 30 minutes but my other son no chance !

CraftyGin · 14/12/2021 11:50

When my eldest was 13, he would babysit his four younger siblings for 20 minutes.

The ground rules were very clear to all of them.

Thegreencup · 14/12/2021 11:50

In theory, you should be able to leave them.

In reality my 8YO, almost 9YO still follows me out the house when I take the bins out. There is no way I could imagine leaving him home alone or with a pre teen any time soon.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 14/12/2021 11:52

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

I leave my 20yo and 8yo together for 10 mins to pop to the shop. They are also allowed there together (and 10yo by herself).

It might seem strange but I only leave them in walking distance. Not driving.

@Comedycook thats a typoBlush eldest is 10. I realise not leaving a 20yo alone would be exceptionally overprotective.
Bunce1 · 14/12/2021 11:52

What do you mean “not sensible”

I leave mine alone as and when. Always fine x

Comedycook · 14/12/2021 11:54

Oh I see! Grin

Hunderland · 14/12/2021 11:59

When I go out I always tell DD (13) she's in charge as she's more responsible than DH Grin

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 14/12/2021 12:01

As others say I don't know your children, only someone who knows them could say whether you're definitively being unnecessarily overprotective to the detriment of the whole family's quality of life...

I'd say it's very unusual for there to be a reason not to leave a sensible 13 year old in charge of a currently healthy 9 year old sibling for 20 minutes unless there are relevant special needs or mental health issues or serious behavioural problems...

I live in a country where 6 year olds take themselves to school on foot or by public transport through. I think a lot of people do their children no favours by underestimating them dramatically, but of course it depends on the child...

CheesecakeHeaven · 14/12/2021 12:03

It definitely depends on the children, not the ages. My parents would happily leave me at that age with a sensible 13 year old and when I was 13 I was trusted with younger extended family members. They would not have left me with my younger siblings though because they weren't sensible at all nor would they listen to/respect me. Different families have different dynamics and it totally depends if you can put that responsibility on the older children also.

Cheerbear24 · 14/12/2021 12:08

@Bunce1

What do you mean “not sensible”

I leave mine alone as and when. Always fine x

When I said this I mean does things they aren’t supposed to, which could go wrong. DS2 has once decided make an omelette to so lighting the gas hob, going outside when they’ve been asked to stay in, going into each other’s bedrooms to provoke a response. Nothing too bad but it would be better (easier) to just stay in their bedrooms if you see what I mean?
unim · 14/12/2021 12:18

My children are like that - the eldest (8) is terrifically sensible and responsible, while the little one (4) is a risk-taking mischief. Looking into the future, I suspect I would be very happy to leave my eldest alone at 13, but would not be happy for her to babysit a mischievous 9-year old...

You know your children best! I am sure that in some circumstances this set-up would be absolutely fine, but if you have doubts about it, I am sure your own assessment is right for your family!

Bunce1 · 14/12/2021 12:18

Yes ok- gas hob would’ve slightly terrifying but if the older one was supervising then ok?

I am in the fortunate position that my children run along together fairly well which is an immense blessing.

unim · 14/12/2021 12:20

It's not just about safety but about being fair to the older child - asking them to be responsible for themself is one thing, but it's quite different to ask them to take responsibility for somebody else especially if you know it could be a difficult job!

Hwory · 14/12/2021 12:22

I was the older sibling forced to look after the younger. My sister would do all the things they weren't allowed/supposed to, not listen to me and I would get in trouble for not looking after them.

You know your kids. It doesn't matter what someone else on MN does with their different kids.

VitaminA · 14/12/2021 12:23

How bad is your 9 year old?? Special needs aside, I think a 9 year should definitely be able to spend 20 minutes on their own (I'm not counting the 13 year old because I don't think young teenagers can do much supervising for a child that isn't much younger than themselves). It sounds like you may be a bit overprotective.

Suzanne999 · 14/12/2021 12:26

I think fighting between themselves is the biggest risk. If they’re happy to carry on with what they’re doing and not start WW3, they’ll be fine.
Can you try just going out for 5-10 minutes first? Tell them you’ll be 20, then if all is peaceful on your return they should be OK.

Marvellousmadness · 14/12/2021 12:29

Its not babysitting
But no. Don't let your sensible 13yo look after your badly behaved 9yo. Especially saying that you wouldn't even leave your 9yo for 15 minutes by them selves...
She/he must be a handful!

MirandaWest · 14/12/2021 12:35

There’s 22 months between my two - I only left them together on their own when I was happy with the younger one being on their own ie the old one was never looking after the younger one

gogohm · 14/12/2021 12:38

Yes it's fine unless the 9 year old is particularly reckless/has sn that put them at high risk.

Mine were left all morning at 11& 13

CampagVelocet · 14/12/2021 12:39

I was doing paid babysitting for other people's kids when I was 13. If your 13 year old has no SEN and can't be left at that age it's either you being overprotective or something has gone wrong IMO.