To not let a 13 year old babysit 9 year old for 20 mins?

[Starcup]

Just that really and inspired by another thread.

I’ve got a very sensible DC 13 (year 8) and I trust to do the right/sensible thing. I can leave them alone for a couple of hours on occasion fine.

9 year old isn’t sensible and there’s no way on this earth would I leave them on their own (though I know some people would at 9) but equally isn’t in to everything and is very happy playing on their computer.

I sometimes think it will be great when they’re at an age where I can pop to the shop and leave them at home together for 20 mins, so I can pick up something for tea etc….

But reading comments on a different thread, I think some people would happily leave a sensible 13 year old with a 9 year old sibling for 30 mins maximum?

Am I being OTT to think I wouldn’t yet?

Genuinely curious as to what on earth you think could happen.

I leave my 9yr olds to whip to the shop. They know not to use the kitchen. They don't eat whilst I"m out. Neither would start a fire and both know how to get out of the house and go to a neighbour IF something should happen.

They're only allowed to open the front door if it's the postman (they know who he is) - anyone else they ignore it.

At SOME point we have to trust our parenting about what's safe, what's not safe and allow our kids to grow up - surely?

I don’t know your kids and it’s not up to random strangers to say you should leave them alone based purely on their age. YANBU to feel uncomfortable and you don’t need validation from anyone. Leave them when YOU feel it’s appropriate.

I would leave my 10yo and 7yo at home while I go to the corner shop. I am quite risk averse, helicoptery, but think they are quite safe and sensible and would barely look up from the tv while I'm gone.

It’s about the children and the sibling dynamic. Wouldn’t consider it for my two but that’s because one of them is usually very sensible and thoughtful but can get violent if scared or angry.

I was looking after my 4 and 8 year old siblings for short periods like that when I was 13, and from 14 or 15 my parents had me babysitting when they went out in the evenings (they paid me a tenner or so for doing so, if I remember right!)

But as everyone else says, it’s about your individual kids. Only you know if your 9 year old is likely to get themselves into trouble in the space of 20 minutes, and/or whether your older child would be able to deal with them.

Mine are 11/13...I leave the 13 year old for short periods but I've never left my 11 year old...she's quite young for her age. I'd never leave them together...they bicker constantly

You know your kids best!

We can’t fully judge the situation based on just their ages, it’s more about how they’d be in themselves.
I’d say they’re probably fine if the 13yo is sensible, but if you’re not confident leaving them for whatever reason then don’t.

YANBU.

I have a sensible 13 yo and not sensible 10 yo with ADHD but we've been leaving them alone for about an hour or two in the daytime since about a year ago and in the last few months in the evening if going out locally.

You know your kids best.
But, honestly, unless the child in question had additional needs or I had reason to think they might hurt themselves or cause damage, I'd happily leave a 9 year old on their own for longer than that. I certainly wouldn't think twice about leaving them with a sensible 13 year old.

Mine are currently just turned 12 and 8 and I've been doing so for about a year for short times. They fight a lot when I'm there but always rise to the occasion when given the responsibility

I have a 12 Yr old and 9 yr old twins . I would ( and have ) leave her for 20 mins with one of them who would do as she asked if needed, I wouldn't dream of leaving her with the other one who would argue the toss even in a complete emergency and absolute not both twins as they are stupid or fight together ! So I think it is child dependent.

I've left my 12 year old with my 9 year old - both sensible and all fine.

I don't worry about the kids. They would be fine (similar ages to op)
But as solo parent I'd worry something might happen to me and I'd be gone much longer.. that's my concern.
Traffic incident, crash etc.

Still unlikely but possible.

I've still done it by the way. I just consider where I'm going etc and for how
Long

Depending on the kids I would.
You know your own kids, best so it's up to you.

Year 8 makes them only just 13, so I wouldn't let then stay alone with a 9 year old who can be difficult. I'd leave the 13 year old by themselves but I don't think I'd leave a 9 year old without an older teenager, at least, even if they were sensible. 9 is too young for me. I'd wait a couple of years before leaving the younger one with a sibling.

My brother is 5 years younger than me and I used to dread when my mum left us to pop to the shop or run an errand. I was 13 and incredibly sensible, but my brother would do things like scream out the letterbox until my mum got home and I had no clue what to do about it! And I got told off for letting him do it.
So if you're not comfortable, then don't it. It's not so much about how sensible and capable your 13 year old is, but how the younger child is.

I think it very much depends on the children at that age. NOt just whether you trust them together but are they ok with being left alone?

I say this because my DC are 15 and (just) 14 and although I will leave them alone for a few hours if I need to/if they don't want to join me (single parent), they don't really like being left alone in the evening when it's dark (so any time from 4pm onwards at the moment)!

@WorraLiberty

I say this on every thread like this

It's about the kids not the numbers

You know your own kids, Mumsnet doesn't.

Totally agree with you - 1 9yr old can be very different to another 9 yr old

Kids babysit for families in the neighbourhood at 13, so you are being massively unreasonable and are helicoptering your children which damages their development. Btw, The Babysitters Club is based on real people, and many 12 and 13 year olds started babysitting clubs in the last 2 decades due to reading the books.

Please give your head a wobble and stop damaging your children's development. Your 13 year old should be able to babysit at other people's houses during the day and at night.

It's child dependent.

I've left my 4 year old with 13 year old ds1 a couple of times to nip to the shop, about 15 minutes total.

But ds3 is (as far as 4 year olds are) generally well behaved and clearly classes ds1 as an authority figure as he will listen to him as readily as he will to me, so I have no concerns over ds1 not being able to 'control' him or make him listen when needed iyswim. Plus ds1 is extremely mature and sensible etc.

If your 9 year old can't be trusted for 20 minutes it's not fair to expect a 13 year old to take responsibility for them.

@ClaudiaJ1

Kids babysit for families in the neighbourhood at 13, so you are being massively unreasonable and are helicoptering your children which damages their development. Btw, The Babysitters Club is based on real people, and many 12 and 13 year olds started babysitting clubs in the last 2 decades due to reading the books.

Please give your head a wobble and stop damaging your children's development. Your 13 year old should be able to babysit at other people's houses during the day and at night.

If you read the OP, it's not the 13 year old the OP is worried about.

A child should never be left responsible for another child IMO.

It does depend on personalities.
My DS1 & DS2 have one year between then and if they were both just lying on beds or both doing something quiet I would leave them together, if one was bored they would kick off with each other, so I would take the bored one with me.
DS2 & younger DD - no way, they rub each other up the wrong way and DS2 complains about being made to ‘look after’ his sister, and they both go out of their way to annoy each other.
DS1 & younger DD, yes they are both sensible and wouldn’t kick off as more of an age gap.
DD on her own, not really even though she’s sensible if something happened she would panic snd cry rather than sort it out.