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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Criminalising 12 and 13 year old.

85 replies

ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 13/12/2021 14:08

A 12 abs 13 year old jumped my 10 year old son, beat him to the ground, punched him in the ribs, the head repeatedly, kicked him in the back.

He was hurt and traumatised.

I've called the police and they are investigating. Slowly.

When I spoke to police about it 3 weeks ago, he said there were a few options and whilst I could press charges and the kids end up with a criminal record, they discourage it due to not wanting to criminalise children.

There is another option where the kids join this kind of scheme which lasts a few weeks, not really sure what it entails but they also have to write and apology to my son.

Those children know I have reported it to the police.

I was in favour of the scheme, but now want to press charges.

The reasons are this

2 kids kicked the hell out of my 10 year old.

When they had finished a girl who was with them said to one of them "Chris, you need to stop beating people up"
So he does it a lot apparently Hmm

And lastly, this week when my son was out for the first time since, he bumped into one of them and he told my son "he wants to slap the bitch" the bitch being me.

To answer some questions which I know will be asked
We live next door to a green and park. This is where the incident happened.
My 10 year old went out again because I can't keep him hostage.
He's allowed in close proximity of our home and I know where he is all the time (find my iPhone).

WIBU to criminalise these children.

Right now I'm pissed off and possibly not thinking rationally so wanted some views that weren't emotionally charged.

OP posts:
OmbreTieColourThing · 13/12/2021 14:12

The kids criminalised themselves, or their parents did.

OmbreTieColourThing · 13/12/2021 14:12

YANBU

Bettybantz · 13/12/2021 14:12

Are you in the UK? If you are it isn’t your decision whether these children’s eve charges - it comes down to the evidence the police can present to the CPS and whether it is in the public interest.
However you can decide whether to proceed with the investigation, give formal statements etc.
I don’t know if that makes the decision any easier?

Tal45 · 13/12/2021 14:13

Writing an apology is meaningless if you don't mean it! And a course that lasts just a few weeks?? What difference is that going to make? It would be lovely if there was some really comprehensive scheme that got to the bottom of and solved their problems but there isn't so there aren't many options.

They sound like they could be a danger to you now so I would press charges - but I would then be moving to another area.

I hope your poor son is ok.

FindingMeno · 13/12/2021 14:14

It's a community resolution order I think.
Simply a way for the police to deal with stuff easily imo.

CovidPassQuestion · 13/12/2021 14:14

Surely they could see he was younger and smaller than they are? Your poor boy Thanks

Boomerwang · 13/12/2021 14:14

I couldn't give a rats ass what they call it, my only focus would be getting justice for my kid. I absolutely would be blinded by my own sheer fury and guilt and powerlessness and would wish a very harsh punishment on them. If this means putting it on a record that's completely fine with me. They shouldn't have it expunged until they have served whatever punishment was due and shown remorse.

For the rest of their lives they will always be 'those bastards who hurt my kid' though.

shouldistop · 13/12/2021 14:15

It's not up to you to press charges though so I'm not sure why the police explained it in this way to you.

FreeBritnee · 13/12/2021 14:15

I think you’re right. However does doing this put you at any further risk?

ToughTittyWhompus · 13/12/2021 14:15

Do it. Press the police to take it seriously. Especially as it seems one of them likes to do it on the regular.

DrierThanANunsNasty · 13/12/2021 14:16

Unfortunately neither option is likely to stop these kids doing it again. If they go through the justice system they’ll likely get stuck in a cycle of criminal activity, but if they go through some kind of summer camp for criminals then they’ll also likely get a free pass to do it again.

It’s a tough call OP, what does your DS want to do?

WeatherwaxOn · 13/12/2021 14:17

In the UK the age of criminal responsibility is 10. When I hear of incidents like this, I think of Jamie Bulger.
The behaviour (albeit hearsay) of the attacker shows no regret. Whether the child has "issues" (violent home life, for example) may be a factor, but there needs to be a way to stop this ever happening again.

SinoohXaenaHide · 13/12/2021 14:17

It's not you doing the criminalising. They are criminals and the scheme that sounds so lovely is appropriate for a child who didn't really quite understand the boundaries of right and wrong and need a bit if guidance to help them navigate - these bullies are not going to be swayed by this kind of soft option. Press charges.

Thegreencup · 13/12/2021 14:19

You don't really get a choice. Even if you refuse to go down the restorative justice route, the CPS and the courts will probably have none of it and just recommended that he does what the police are suggesting.

What do you hope will come out of it? What kind of punishment do you want them to have? I think you will be disappointed no matter what route you take. Because there won't be one that will magically make the kids (or their parents) have a radical change or heart or change their ways.

Original poster
ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 13/12/2021 14:20

@shouldistop

It's not up to you to press charges though so I'm not sure why the police explained it in this way to you.
"Pressing charges" wasn't used to be fair.

Then ending up with a criminal record was (I thought you had to press charges for this to happen)

The police officer definitely gave me an option, in fact he started the conversation with "we have a few options"

The boys friend is witness to it, the friends dad contacted me to see if my son was ok because the boys friend was so traumatised by what she witnessed she went home and told him everything.
Then there's my sons friends who also witnessed it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 13/12/2021 14:20

@Thegreencup

You don't really get a choice. Even if you refuse to go down the restorative justice route, the CPS and the courts will probably have none of it and just recommended that he does what the police are suggesting.

What do you hope will come out of it? What kind of punishment do you want them to have? I think you will be disappointed no matter what route you take. Because there won't be one that will magically make the kids (or their parents) have a radical change or heart or change their ways.

A criminal record.

That's what I want out of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 13/12/2021 14:21

@DrierThanANunsNasty

Unfortunately neither option is likely to stop these kids doing it again. If they go through the justice system they’ll likely get stuck in a cycle of criminal activity, but if they go through some kind of summer camp for criminals then they’ll also likely get a free pass to do it again.

It’s a tough call OP, what does your DS want to do?

That's exactly why I think a criminal record is needed. I too, think it will happen again.
OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 13/12/2021 14:23

Enrol your son in self defence class and then he can give them what they deserve

VivaDixie · 13/12/2021 14:24

I wouldn't hesitate to press charges.

Original poster
ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 13/12/2021 14:25

@Georgeskitchen

Enrol your son in self defence class and then he can give them what they deserve
We're on it! 👍
OP posts:
Udouhun · 13/12/2021 14:31

Little toe rags. Definitely press charges.

Original poster
ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 13/12/2021 14:35

@Tal45

Writing an apology is meaningless if you don't mean it! And a course that lasts just a few weeks?? What difference is that going to make? It would be lovely if there was some really comprehensive scheme that got to the bottom of and solved their problems but there isn't so there aren't many options.

They sound like they could be a danger to you now so I would press charges - but I would then be moving to another area.

I hope your poor son is ok.

You would move house?

Really?

OP posts:
HereticFanjo · 13/12/2021 14:35

It's an incredibly difficult situation but I would want them held to account too, not least so they are on the authority's radar and their home lives are thoroughly examined.

AnotherOneWithNoGoodName · 13/12/2021 14:36

You won't be "criminalising" them! They chose their actions, now they face the consequences. They are 12 and 13, not 2 and 3! They choose to attack a younger and presumably smaller child. If these boys haven't been taught that it's wrong, that's sad but not you or your sons problem.
Definitely do not feel bad!

LaBellina · 13/12/2021 14:37

Your DS might be traumatized for life by what they did to him.
I wouldn’t give a shit if the consequences of their behavior would follow the little rats for the rest of their lives, in fact, I would find that a very comforting thought. I would do everything in my power to make sure they would be prosecuted for their mistake.

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