ok, i probably am, but the way new mothers do thing s now, and there attitude is really getting on my nerves.

[pukkapatch]

rant alert
te entire holier than thou attitude. huge genreralistaion, i know. but whats so speical about waiting till the baby is six months old before weaning that will garantee said mothers a direct ticket to heaven?
from what i recall, upping the age to six months didnt happen because of some amazing scintific breakthrough. no new data was used t o make the decision. (a mnetter showed the evidence of this on some thread.
and then the whole breast bottle thing. the ones spouting statistics at everyone, with their smug expressions. it doesnt matter. every mom does what she sees as best for her baby. we dont constantly need to have information shoved in our noses.

my eldest is ten, and youngest four, so i'm not that far away from these subjects, but, some peoples attitudes just really really get on my tits.

Message withdrawn

I think the "on both sides" is often lacking - nothing sensitive about this OP!

If I post anything that I think might be sensitive for some people to read (like the European formulas thread), I always do so in careful terms.

A poster the other day said that the bf/ff debate "didn't matter" - she was seeking to reassure, she said, but in doing so, she swept aside very real feelings of sadness that posters had expressed on that very thread.

I do find the "well, my kids are fine" stuff a bit tedious though, because so often they're posting about things that aren't necessarily going to show as issues in the short term (infant feeding, in particular, has longer-lasting impact so you can't look at a child at 7 and go "no allergies, all fine" - it's not that simple).

You know what I think is unreasonable?
People saying that because someone is confident enough within the guidelines and what they're doing with their baby that possibly offering advice to someone is wrong.

I also think it's bloody unfair to say people are smug because they are happy about what they're doing or proud of their ability to actually bring up a child, it can be very hard you know!

FWIW, I like statistics, they prove to me there is more than just an opinion behind the advice being given, and I'm grateful to everyone on here thatahs ever given me advice, even if I rubbished it at first.

Agree tiny.
I feel confident raising my child and happily share info here. I'm giving an opinion which I believe to be informed. I don't look down on people because I say what I think confidently.

And I expect to be contradicted, this is a forum. And sometimes (actually very often on mumsnet) I change my mind. Sometimes I don't and go against the grain if I feel strongly about (or against ) something.

to quote tinytim, yes what is unreasonable is "to say people are smug because they are happy about what they're doing".

Is mumsnet not about sharing information and advice on parenting then? Sorry, must have wandered on to the wrong site.

I'm baffled; find the OP to be quite at odds with the mumsnet spirit and philosophy as I understand it. Or perhaps I'm just fick innit.

Message withdrawn

I think a lot of you are nuts, and when i say so i expect to get contradicted.

It shouldn't bother you that much OP - it's an open forum with lots of people from differing backgrounds.

Evryone does what is right for them.

I think a bigger problem on here is if people are seeking approval for what they do or feeling guilty - rather than doing what is right for them.

Hourses for courses.

Lol Doodle! Experience is just as valuable, whose t say you can't give wonderful experience and have it backed up by someone saying, 'oh, and as well as what doodle said, these are the current guidelines'

pukkapatch, yes you are on a right ole rant. do you know what statistics and good practice guidelines are derived from clinical research, ethnographic studies, interviews and observations. that is precisely why childcare guidelines evolve, because it is an ongoing process. Weaning at 6months is advocated by British Dietetic Association. DoH, HVA, Doctors, WHO..i could cite many more. so statistics and information are evidence of efficacy. i read journals and books before i had my baby - actually found ststistics etc helpful

so ease up, it is mean to call people smug

parenting is hard enough -really

if on MN people share tips, experience etc. all better for it. no one need necessarily agree, but hey it is a parenting forum for

I started weaning mine at 5 months. I guess it was because i couldn't wait to do it as it was something 'new.' With my next one i want to wait as long as i can because the making up meals/ice cubes/freezing gets very boring but i only know that now from my own experience.

i totally know what you are saying Fio and there's a lot of truth in it but i am drawn back nevertheless to SCM's simple but effective 'it is mean to call people smug'.
it just is a shitey thing to say, especially on here, it immediately creates a nasty 'us and them' thing - either agree with me and be cool or disagree and be smug/a zealot/nazi etc. it's mean and boring.

There are ways and ways though, Fio, and it's not unimportant to many women, especially if they feel regret about things (usually bf related, ime).

I do see what you're saying, but I think that Pukka minds more about it than many, because she started this thread!

Makes perfect sense Fio and is also a very good point.

At the time when you're BFing/weaning whatever it's your world, you can't see beyond it. Obviously as time goes by its importance fades and you have new (bigger) things to worry about. I don't think that makes it OK for experienced parents to dismiss what are at the time very valid concerns as 'smugness'.

It's a bit like telling your 10 year old who's split up with her first 'boyfriend' that it doesn't matter - at the time it does matter.

Eric, you do have a point in the same way
that I would have a point if I said to the
mensfolk of Glasgow to stop bickering about
Celtic vs Rangers and just start supporting
Glaswegian football as a whole.

So we both have a point

DJ

Doodle

Dont get me started on the making up of infant formula. I got slated on here a couple of wks ago for saying i made then the 'old way' because im a health professional! I was threatened with being reported to the NMC! i was so mad that i wasnt gonna come on mumsnet again, but i thought sod it. I love this site but i agree with OP there are too mant people quick to throw statistics etc which is fine if thtas what you want. However, i think many want just good old fashioned advice, not text book stuff. I personally just want personal experiences of other mothers. I certainly dont want anyone getting holier than thou with me. I am a 37 yr old woman with an 8 yr old, a baby a 17yr old stepson and lots of experienece with kids but i dont claim to know everything thays why mumsnet is great.

And when i said i made it the old way i meant at home not work!!(obviously)

Life is very much like a train journey. For some, it's like riding on the Orient Express, for others, it's like riding with First Great Western.

Some people are in awe of the views along the way, and take note of all the stops, others remember it as one, singular journey.

The older we get, the more it seems as though we simply went from A to B, and the rest inbetween is a bit blurred.

I've no idea how relevant this is to the thread, but I like the analogy

Merry Christmas, one and all.

I agree with Doodledoo about the OP. She said she didn't want to be told what to do by new mums hung up on guidelines, telling her she had done everything wrong because she had done differently in accordance with advice available at the time.

These threads should be about sharing experiences and information. As I said earlier, if I just wanted to know the guidelines I would visit a library. There ws even somebody who said anecdotes are all very nice but they are irrelevant and she would rather stick to telling people the guidelines - a comment I found when I was looking back over these threads. What is the point of sharing experiences then, if that is all it boils down to?

People need to be a little more open minded I think. If somebody disagrees with you, argue your case by all means but accept that it is not written in stone that any particular way is 100% right.

Absolutely agree with Fio that all the business about bf, ff and weaning is not really important at all by the time your children get to 7 or beyond. So many other things have an influence on their health and well being that whether or not you followed one path or another is only a tiny part of a much more complex situation. Sometimes new mothers need some distance when they are in the middle of the infant feeding situations but of course you can't tell somebody this, they have to get it through their own experiences.

VVVQV's been on the mulled wine methinks

i agree if i want statistics i would read text book/guidelines etc. And even though i got myself into trouble before by mentioning i was a midwife i dont care!! Doesnt mean i do everything by the book at home, im just a normal person who still likes to hear others expreineces in bringing up kids and when statistics get thrown at me i feel like im back at uni!

You should care BJB

Mothers and mothers to be look up to you, knowing that you are purporting to be a 'trained professional'.

only read first page, but it seems to me that the feelings inspired in you (the oP) by the threads you refer to is because you feel guilty at some level that maybe you didn't do things in the best way for your child? (I'm not saying you didn't, just that your response seems odd so I wonder if you are, deep down, worrying that you didn't? (iyswim)

But surely every parent should be free to do what they feel is right for their child in the light of the information they have at the time and not worry that what they do is going to make other parents who did it differently, or had different information, feel bad???

This is a bit personal for me because me and dh constantly get comments from family members about our restricting ds' diet to what we regard as healthy (ie excluding non-organic meat, squash, sweets, choc, excessively sugary/salty things etc) and I feel it is because they in some way feel we are shining a spotlight on their parenting decisions and saying that cos we do it differently, their way is/was wrong. Which is not true - I don't care what other parents do - it's up to them!!!

Be honest with yourself - are these threads/comments really judegmental, smug etc, or are you imposing that on them??? (I know I do this with bfeeding threads because I feel guilty that ds was mix-fed as we did not succeed at bfeeding)

Eh? im not talking about work, im talking about my private life. im not here as a health professional giving advice, im here asking questions and reading messages like everyone else. Im sure people do look up to me at work when im giving advice as a health professional and following guidelines.