Friend really irritating me and I feel like a bad person

[FancyNedFlanders]

About 6/7 years ago I was going through a lot of infertility struggles and ended up having a total of six miscarriages before having my children. I didn’t broadcast it but told a few people including a friend I work with (as part of our little group of friends)

When I had my third/fourth miscarriage She said “well my sister has four kids and trust me when I say this is the easy part, you wouldn’t know how hard actually looking after the kids is” - she said this only to me and I didn’t want to kick up a fuss so dropped it but I haven’t forgotten it! I was so annoyed but soon moved jobs and we stayed vaguely in touch through our wider friendship group.

Fast forward to now - she recently had a miscarriage. She is constantly posting pictures of herself crying on Facebook and in the group chat. She is now treating me like a best friend when we were only sort of close and constantly messaging me (like every day) about how hard it is for her. I’ve tried to support her as much as I can but to be honest I don’t feel that comfortable with it and she really hurt me a long time ago with her comments about the same scenario. I’m not going to bring it up after all this time and I know that I should get over that when she clearly didn’t have a clue at the time how hurtful what she said could be (or so you would think). She might not even remember she said that and I know it would be petty of me.

I’d get it if she said she wanted to talk to someone who understands but to be honest I can’t seem to say anything right - when ever I offer her any comfort or advice she says something like “it’s fine for you to say that because it’s worked out for you now, you have children”

It’s just all coming across as a bit attention seeking and wearing thin, but obviously I don’t want to hurt her further - I get that she probably feels lonely and is reaching out for any support she can get. But at the same time I just don’t think I have the patience for it. There is also still a lot of trauma around all of my losses and I can find it hard to talk about even with people I trust very deeply, even now. I feel really bad for her but at the same time I feel like I need to look after myself.

Am I being really unfair? What should I do?

Not surprised at her reaction, exactly what I expected.

Those that dismiss the upset of others are ALWAYS the first to make the biggest fuss when shit happens to them.

OP, you are well rid.

You were far too accommodating.

That remark after your miscarriages would have had her blocked by most.

Don't give her another thought.

Mind yourself, toddler twins and a small baby is a huge load to manage.

Be glad she is gone.

[quote WhatTimeIsItMrGinola]@skodadoda

It has been done, sent and reply given[/quote]
@WhatTimeIsItMrGinola:

Sorry, missed that; shouldn’t post before I’m properly awake

Yep she's doing it for attention.
Glad your rid of her. Well done OP.

You sound well shot of her tbh OP. She sounds like a horrible individual!

She is an insensitive loon. I can't believe she is offloading to pregnant friends about her miscarriage.

I would go as far as to say that she is malicious. There are plenty of people to talk to about miscarriage - a woman with two year old twins and a three week old baby, who has had years of pain and loss, is not one of them.