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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I don't have enough time to really play with my children!

56 replies

user1496146479 · 12/12/2021 19:58

Hi all!
So we have four dc, eldest is ten, youngest is one. Both myself & DH work full time in reasonable demanding jobs - officially 9-5 but definitely not 9-5 in practice. DH is totally an equal parent, cooks, cleans, school runs etc all shared.

Older three children all do activities during the week and at weekends. Some of activities overlap, some don't. We have already cut back on some. We carpool with other parents where we can to share the load where possible, but this is not as easy now with covid etc.

So with all this, I just realised this evening while sorting laundry & uniforms etc for this week, that there never seems to be enough time to just play with the kids. Sure they play with each other and occasionally with DH or I, but I honestly cannot recall the last time we played.

How do you fit this in? I'm most definitely not a domestic goddess spending hours cleaning etc, but there just never seems to be enough time to get the basics done, before both DH & I fall into bed exhausted each night?

What am I missing?

God, sorry it's so long! BlushConfused

OP posts:
Babynames2 · 12/12/2021 20:01

I don’t really know OP. I was saying to DH earlier that it feels impossible to play with the kids and keep on top of the house. Ours are 4, 18 months and 6 weeks. So I’m hoping it gets easier. But I feel like it’s either play with the kids or keep the house in a semi-clean state. And the eldest has now got to be home-schooled due to issues settling into reception so I may just have to accept living in a mess.

Original poster
user1496146479 · 12/12/2021 20:32

@Babynames2
I know it's so hard. I definitely do not have a show house, but sometimes just keeping on top of the basics feels impossible!

OP posts:
00100001 · 12/12/2021 20:39

You don't need to play with your kids...they play with each other.

I'm sure you play with them sometimes.

woodhill · 12/12/2021 20:42

Exactly. I wouldn't worry about it

Solasum · 12/12/2021 20:43

Have one day at the weekend when there are no activities, and sometimes spend it at home, just hanging out.

Bouncebacker · 12/12/2021 20:45

I feel this and I only have two!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/12/2021 20:45

Because you chose to have 4! It’s not really that big a shock is it, work full time and running a household of 6…there’s only a certain number of hours in a day.

SkankingMopoke · 12/12/2021 20:52

I think the expectation that you spend lots of time playing with your DCs is a relatively modern thing. I'm an only child to a single parent, and my DM rarely played with me. I either played by myself (usually building Lego cities in my bedroom), or was sent out to play with the neighbourhood kids.
My DCs are 5 and 7. I spend time with them, but not playing because I'd rather stick pins in my eyes. The time we do spend together is spent chatting, watching films, going for walks etc, but it's not endless hours as we're also busy keeping the basics going.

Original poster
user1496146479 · 12/12/2021 21:02

@Solasum

Have one day at the weekend when there are no activities, and sometimes spend it at home, just hanging out.
We have no regular free weekend day! Confused
OP posts:
SometimesMaybe · 12/12/2021 21:03

After tea on a Sunday we all play a board game together, taking it in turns to pick what we play. We also watch a movie on a Sat night together (obvs not when Strictly is on!) so that’s not playing but it feels like “quality” time. My DC are 10 and 8 so play together or alone for most of the time - I think they need that pottering time when they are busy with school, out at childcare, doing homework or after school activities.
I would also try and get an hour out the house together for a walk, trip to the park, cycle or something like that at the weekend but if they are busy with other stuff that doesn’t always happen. For me it’s quality time that’s important and the Sunday night board game really helps with that.

Original poster
user1496146479 · 12/12/2021 21:04

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Because you chose to have 4! It’s not really that big a shock is it, work full time and running a household of 6…there’s only a certain number of hours in a day.
Yes I chose to have four. But if I'm honest, three to four was probably the easiest transition. It was just as busy before, but I've only just realised today how little time there is I guess.
OP posts:
CactusLemonSpice · 12/12/2021 21:06

I know what you mean. But then sometimes I stop overthinking and put my phone down and lie on the living room floor between my toddler and baby. Maybe pull a face. You're all playing in seconds and, even if it's only for a couple of minutes, it's the best time. Try it!

Notdoingthis · 12/12/2021 21:06

You do too much. Do they need all the activities? I keep all activities to week days so weekends are always free. I am also very grateful to work part time. I only have 3 kids and always feel busy, I couldn't cope with 4, full time work and busy weekends.

SomethingBeginningWithX · 12/12/2021 21:07

I felt like this with 2. Now have 3.

We sometimes swap the bedtime story for a bedtime game. This is partly selfish on my part as I much prefer playing a board game to reading aloud! Could that work?

Comedycook · 12/12/2021 21:07

There's four of them so surely they play together? This idea that parents play with their kids is quite a modern thing isn't it? I doubt old fashioned housewives decades ago were playing with their kids...they were too busy with housework, they probably just chucked the kids out to play in the street and get them out from under their feet! Are the kids even bothered anyway? I would do activities with my kids...baking, reading, play a board game but I didn't play as such. I'm not a child nor a child's entertainer.

Namechangedforspooky · 12/12/2021 21:08

Your life sounds similar to mine, right down to the lift sharing. I don’t play with my kids, too exhausted and don’t have time
I think it’s ok. They play with each other and are constantly on the go at school, nursery etc

woodhill · 12/12/2021 21:09

Totally agree Comedy, read to them and did some craft but didn't have time to play, I found it so boring and I had chores to do l

Original poster
user1496146479 · 12/12/2021 21:11

@Notdoingthis

You do too much. Do they need all the activities? I keep all activities to week days so weekends are always free. I am also very grateful to work part time. I only have 3 kids and always feel busy, I couldn't cope with 4, full time work and busy weekends.
Tried, and we did cut back. But we can only do swimming at the weekend, as classes on mid week are too early, still at work, children at childminders etc. other activities at the weekend are my ds football matches. So he trains during the week, but games are at weekend.
OP posts:
N4ish · 12/12/2021 21:12

I very rarely play with my kids, just don’t see that it’s necessary. I would do more if I had an only child or we were isolated from other children but generally I think kids should play with other kids. I’ll do the occasional jigsaw or board game and we do lots of walks & baking together but getting down on the floor with Lego is not something I do.

Original poster
user1496146479 · 12/12/2021 21:13

@Comedycook

There's four of them so surely they play together? This idea that parents play with their kids is quite a modern thing isn't it? I doubt old fashioned housewives decades ago were playing with their kids...they were too busy with housework, they probably just chucked the kids out to play in the street and get them out from under their feet! Are the kids even bothered anyway? I would do activities with my kids...baking, reading, play a board game but I didn't play as such. I'm not a child nor a child's entertainer.
Yes they do play with each other. I guess the point of my post is to understand what others do, is our circumstance any different etc, maybe it's not? Just trying to gauge
OP posts:
HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 12/12/2021 21:14

We keep Top Trumps in the car so can play whilst waiting for activities. DD likes playing cards so we learn a new card game a week, spend 10 mins after dinner playing the new game or quick simple games like guess who, connect 4 etc which are all kept in a box in a kitchen cupboard, because they are easy to access and we are all together it's more natural to just grab it and play.

Comedycook · 12/12/2021 21:18

Your life sounds totally normal to me! I only have two kids and I have tons of chores and shit to do just to keep them fed, in clean clothes and packed off to school with everything they need! I doubt other parents of four have time to sit on the floor playing with dolls houses or toy cars!

Jenster03 · 12/12/2021 21:21

There's alot of things we 'should' be doing but simply don't have time.
It's completely normal, and realistic.

underneaththeash · 12/12/2021 21:25

We’ll if you work full-time and have 4 children, you obviously eon’t help playing with them very much!
Take some parental leave?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 12/12/2021 21:37

Ive started putting my phone on to charge when I come in the door. There is a game show dd loves to watch with us so we do that. We used to play a game after dinner to help ds' speech. Should probably start that again tbh but its hard with evening activities and reading and chores too.