To wonder if our children would be the ‘poor’ ones at private school

[Changethefloorthroughout]

DH and I have a good joint income of over £100,000 and I’m seriously considering private school for our children.

A worry for me is if they are surrounded by children from much wealthier backgrounds if they would feel ‘poor’. I’m just posting for thoughts from people who know a bit more about the independent system than me.

@PoppityInThe

YABU x 1000

They will definitely not be the 'poor ones' at private school with that income.

They definitely will be. We have a bit more than that and I certainly think we are in the lower income brackets.

We’re the poor ones at a private school. It’s obvious we have less (they have craaaaazy holidays like Lapland followed by Barbados and a quickly to Singapore to see some friends over Christmas, not to mention the ridiculous cars, clothing from stores with someone who opens the door for you, all that) but I’m not ashamed to have less money and the kids know we aren’t inherently worst than their friends because we’re poorer. I should say it’s not a very fancy private school, so it probably self selects away from the parents who are very concerned with being in the ‘right’ place with the ‘right’ people.

I met several people at Uni who went to private schools on scholarships or whose parents srimped on everything else to afford it. But they felt so different not affording lavish school trips or being able to do the same social stuff. And they all had weird hang ups about it.

My dd attends a private school in the south west and fees are circa 15k per year. Clearly there are some very wealthy families: holidays in Barbados last Xmas, ponies, holiday homes etc, but equally plenty of pupils from families where they holiday in Cornwall, live in a semi etc.
Dd doesn’t seem bothered by the disparity in incomes. Dd and her friends spend time together going to pizza express for birthday parties, rummaging in charity shops, going to the cinema etc

Yes I know @Pumperthepumper it really is basic marketing. no one worth their salt would limit their demographic to one set ideal or 'average' service user.

And on that note - because you have apparently worked in marketing in a private school you have continuously repeated over and over again that OPs kids will be classed at the poor family.

With what experience do you know this. By the kids? How would you know as you are not there to observe the behaviours and dynamics. By the Parents at school pick ups ? How would you know as you are not there to observe the behaviours and dynamics.

Your opinion comes from some one who has never even experienced having a child in private school or even being in one. Your opinion is built from your own judgements from what you would deem as the 'average service user'

Data crunching. Which is often meaningless with out real life experience to make sense of it. just like in this thread!

You actually know shit about it

So much time on this thread and you have zero skin in the game

Ah good night!

Speaking from experience, it depends on your children's outlook & the school. You quote £14K fees, so we're looking at a low / mid-range day school. Top independent school fees are > £30K per child -
these are the ones where you see a lot of very wealthy families. Personally, I don't think you'll have much problem to be honest as many of the parents at the school will be in the income range you mention. Like everywhere, there will be some with less and some with more.

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead are you comparing like for like though. How much are you paying? 14k is cheap for a private school so likely to be lots of parents around that 100k mark.

An additional thing to note - if money is tight and you have a mortgage, private school may affect your ability to remortgage. A lot of lenders take school fees into consideration when working out how much they will mortgage you . IMO 100k will be tight to put 2 kids through a standard day school. You should definitely apply for a bursary. Our school also financially supported kids with extra curricular activities and holidays if parents couldn’t afford.

We earn around 110 with 1 DC and decided that we couldnt afford to send them private. Lots of our local friends do send their kids private and it's very different from when I was younger. Unlike before, my friends are seriously wealthy. Not just comfortable jobs but easily on 150k-200k each. Granted we do live in London but thats still a lot of money. They are my friends but in some ways we're clearly the poor relations. It's ok for the kids while they are little but having gone to the Lycee in South Ken, my best mate did basically mock me for how crappy my parents' house was and how I couldnt afford this and that. Kids just dont understand subtle differences or why certain families have this or that.

I'm mid fifties. I am the youngest of several DC. When I got there, my parents had enough to send me to private secondary school. Yes I felt poor. Yes I was treated as insignificant. I have never fitted in anywhere from that point onward. Not rich enough. Not poor enough. In a limbo land.

@Motheroftigers

Yes I know *@Pumperthepumper* it really is basic marketing. no one worth their salt would limit their demographic to one set ideal or 'average' service user.

And on that note - because you have apparently worked in marketing in a private school you have continuously repeated over and over again that OPs kids will be classed at the poor family.

With what experience do you know this. By the kids? How would you know as you are not there to observe the behaviours and dynamics. By the Parents at school pick ups ? How would you know as you are not there to observe the behaviours and dynamics.

Your opinion comes from some one who has never even experienced having a child in private school or even being in one. Your opinion is built from your own judgements from what you would deem as the 'average service user'

Data crunching. Which is often meaningless with out real life experience to make sense of it. just like in this thread!

You actually know shit about it

So much time on this thread and you have zero skin in the game

Ah good night!

You’re so concerned about my option, while at the same time, telling me I’m wrong and irrelevant. Bizarre. Goodnight.

So two children in private senior school (so the most expensive) would be just over £28,000. (I realise this would go up but so do salaries.)
That's very low. DDs school is relatively inexpensive and that's £15k a year in year 7 which goes up to £18.5k by year 9 and that's just at this year's fees. So you're looking at £36k
Also there's a £600 deposit per pupil and £100 registration fee so there's £1400 before you've even started on fees.

[quote revea]@DaphneDeloresMoorhead are you comparing like for like though. How much are you paying? 14k is cheap for a private school so likely to be lots of parents around that 100k mark. [/quote]
£15k

We earn that and I don't think I can afford private school for my kids but there are lots of factors. I just don't give it as high a priority as I do other things. It hasn't stopped my daughter getting a first in her degree.

I wouldn’t say a joint income of £100k is a sustainable salary for sending more than one child to private school. The associated costs are HUGE. Uniforms etc are expensive, but the school trips (skiing, safaris etc can easily run into thousands). No point being at a school that stretches your finances and affects how many extracurricular activities they can join in with, or that affects things you can do as a family.

Your children will be aware that they have very wealthy friends, when they go to their houses etc. That’s not a problem in itself, but as they get older, they’ll certainly notice that their friends are getting cars/going to uni with no debts etc etc and will just have to accept that they’re less well off than their friends.

But depending on how many children you’re talking about, even two, I’d be careful about thinking you can afford it on a joint income of £100k

My relation earns less than this, and his kids go to quite a posh private school. They are having a great time, and in secondary too.

My husband taught in a public school so we got reduced fees. There were children there from very wealthy homes and children from not very well off homes where parents scrimped and saved just to pay fees. I wasn't aware of our children feeling poor in comparison to the rich kids. Incidentally and not really relevant to your question, our middle child was unhappy at my husband's school so moved to the local comprehensive a year before her GCSEs. We then decided that our youngest would also go to the state school. Private education isn't necessarily better for all children.

It'll be fine OP. You're overthinking it. Do it.

@Changethefloorthroughout, apologies if it doesn’t work for you, but at 20:43 you said you were a teacher.

Do you know that some private schools give significant discounts on fees to staff children? The school where I teach discounts fees by 2/3 - it used to be 3/4 - and that applies to all teachers in the same group with children at any of their schools.

It would depend a lot on whether it would suit you and your children, naturally.

@Changethefloorthroughout

I don’t think it’s going against the grain, *@NatriumChloride*, a few posters have asked that, and I must admit it has made me think I must have a VERY skewed idea of affordability!

So two children in private senior school (so the most expensive) would be just over £28,000. (I realise this would go up but so do salaries.)

So yes - I’d be making around £100 a month ‘profit’ from my job so nothing at all really - but then we still have DHs salary, so we can’t live on £75,000 plus a bonus? Is that honestly unaffordable? Surely not

I’d question a private school being so cheap, to be honest. A family of 4 on a £75k salary could be quite tight as well, especially with the associated costs of a private education.

Just saw that you’re a teacher. Getting a job at a school, where you would get a discount would certainly help. But i think the money sounds tight to be honest

I was the token council estate kid that went to a regular state school in an affluent area-school was known as best state school. I was treated equally by the kids, but some parents and teachers definitely looked down on me/made assumptions about me. It really upset me. I was an incredibly polite, well mannered girl

So, my point was that there is a demographic for private schools usually compiled by their marketing dept. And from that we know the average salary, the type of car, the newspapers, the pets, loads of stuff.

But so what? You don’t have a clue to as to the range of salaries, nor individual salaries.

Of course the basic demographic - the average punter - for most private schools will be reasonably well off. This is hardly some revelation.

The fact (yes, fact) remains that there’s a range and the OP will be amongst a similar, significant cohort.

What, actually, is your position on this thread?

@Pinkyxx

Speaking from experience, it depends on your children's outlook & the school. You quote £14K fees, so we're looking at a low / mid-range day school. Top independent school fees are > £30K per child - these are the ones where you see a lot of very wealthy families. Personally, I don't think you'll have much problem to be honest as many of the parents at the school will be in the income range you mention. Like everywhere, there will be some with less and some with more.

It doesn't necessary mean that a private School is low or mid range if the fees are lower than £30,000. It falls down to factors such as location and demand in that area. Thats a very similar view a friend of mine has who is from London. More money doesn't always mean better value - some times it can just mean deeper pockets.

In London, yes absolutely day schools can reach £30,000 but that is top end. There are not many London private schools that are exceeding £30,000 + a year ( as you are now stepping in to boarding school fee range £35.000) The wealth and need there is different to else where in the country. We don't all live in the London bubble thank god!

Day prep ranges from £10,000 - £20,000 - more in London
Senior -£20,000 £25,000 - more in London.

Boarding Fees are from £35,00 upwards.

Location has a lot to answer.

My son went to a private school and we were not in the rich category. One child lived in a Council house in a really rough part of town. The parents did not have a car and walked him to school. When the other parents were aware of this they gave lifts to school and to parties and NOBODY looked down on then. They are all adults now, in their 40s and still friends. Please don't think anything of it. We all spend our money how we want to x

@LoveGrooveDanceParty

So, my point was that there is a demographic for private schools usually compiled by their marketing dept. And from that we know the average salary, the type of car, the newspapers, the pets, loads of stuff.

But so what? You don’t have a clue to as to the range of salaries, nor individual salaries.

Of course the basic demographic - the average punter - for most private schools will be reasonably well off. This is hardly some revelation.

The fact (yes, fact) remains that there’s a range and the OP will be amongst a similar, significant cohort.

What, actually, is your position on this thread?

They do marketing