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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to put a complaint in about my pre term birth

100 replies

Candyss · 11/12/2021 18:46

hello,

my son was born at 27 weeks, completely unexpectedly. he came home 2 weeks ago and, aside from requiring a bit of home oxygen, has as far as we can tell come out fairly okay.

Now everything has settled down and we are out of the neonatal unit I'm starting to feel a lot of anger towards the situation.

I went in the day before I had him with bleeding. I was left for over 3 hours, was briefly checked and told no active bleeding, cervix closed and sent on my way, assured that it was normal to bleed occasionally in the second/third trimester. no scan or anything. their test to check for pre term labour also came back negative which they assured me meant I would definitley not be having my baby in the next 2 weeks.

the following day, I woke up with a lot of back pain. I rung up, again assured this is a normal part of pregnancy and putting extra weight on etc. due to this and the tests and checks day before, I ignored the pain until it got to 7pm and I was in so much agony I could barely walk. my dad rushed me to the hospital, although the hospital actually told me they were busy and to wait until 9pm. I couldnt wait. when I got there, they made me walk down the corridor to do a urine sample, then told me I was fine and had a urine infection, that was all. they said they would check the baby just to be sure. hooked up - baby fine. doctor eventually comes round to check me out and low and behold. my cervix is totally gone and my son is breech - they can see the water bag with his feet in it and I will be having my son that night, which I did via emergency c section.

He was whisked off to another hospital at a more intensive unit. I was put on a ward at the hospital I'd given birth in. when I came round from recovery I'd been put on a ward with other mums who all had their full term babies with them. I didnt even know if my son was okay.

I just feel so sad and let down now. I don't know why they didnt listen to me when I called, I dont know why they didnt scan me or check me properly the day I went in with bleeding. I didnt even have time to have the steroids to help his lungs. I'm not saying they could of stopped me having him early or that we would have got to full term. but atleast I could of had the steroids earlier. atleast they could of prolonged it.

my partner wants to put in a complaint but I dont know if it's worth doing. it wont change what happened :'(

OP posts:

Original poster

Candyss · 11/12/2021 18:51

and being put on a ward with other mums and their babies, well that just about cemented the trauma that I will probably live with for the rest of my life and every time I look at my son, with the awful thoughts of what could of been and the rough start he had.

OP posts:

Pippbean · 11/12/2021 18:52

My goodness, I'm so sorry. What a horrible experience for you. I'm so glad you are both okay.
You should definitely complain! No, it won't change what happened but it may help prevent it happening to someone else in the future. That's serious negligence on their part.

ScheisseMinelli · 11/12/2021 18:52

I'm so sorry you went through this. Really glad to hear your baby is ok. It's not okay that you had this experience

Weredone · 11/12/2021 18:55

Put a complaint in. My ward was so busy I was left by myself for over 2, scary hours and by the time someone arrived (started her shift) I was pushing and gave birth 30 minutes later. Years later I’m so, so annoyed but I didn’t put a complaint in but at the time I was just relieved my baby was ok.

Boobicoosg · 11/12/2021 18:55

That must have been a very stressful and worrying experience for you and I am sorry you went through that.

Unfortunately women are not always listened to in obstetrics and it can have cataclysmic results. I am glad your baby is doing well.

You should ask for a debriefing and raise your issues there. Your upset is 100% valid and though it won’t change what happened it could help with how you feel. It could also help prevent this from happening to other mums in the future.

Phillipa34 · 11/12/2021 18:57

OMG I could have written the bulk of that message myself OP!

I had my son at 26 weeks - the being put on the ward with all the other mums and their babies was torture for me.
A visiting sibling actually pointed at me and said ‘mummy why doesn’t that lady have her baby’.. sad times.

I would say, for now, focus your energy on your baby and getting back into health. When you feel called to, start drafting your complaint.

If nothing, it will give you the opportunity to release from the trauma and hopefully give the staff insight on how to do better.

Wish you well

A580Hojas · 11/12/2021 18:57

Yanbu. You should make a strong complaint because this is how hospitals (hopefully) prevent future mistakes. I only wish I had done it re. my dreadful antenatal care just days before giving birth. I really think if you can find the time to do it then absolutely make a complaint.

Congrats on your new baby - hope he's doing fine now!

HeyDugeesCakeBadge · 11/12/2021 18:59

Please put in a complaint OP. It is so common not to listen to women and we just let it go - the only way things are going to change is if we make enough noise. It doesn't change what's happened no, but it could a save another babies life. I'm so pleased everything has worked out for you and congratulations.

Original poster

Candyss · 11/12/2021 19:00

I am not sure where to start. how do you go about getting a debrief? I am trying to keep the anger at bay but when I look at my son and his dear little face with oxygen tubes I get a real burning rage.

OP posts:

Yummymummy2020 · 11/12/2021 19:01

Please complain! Not enough do. I’m so sorry for your experience. I too was on a ward full of babies and mums minus mine who was in intensive care. I swear it’s a form of torture being without your baby on one of those. And not knowing if they are ok is even worse. I feel like you were ignored and undermined when you went for help. This alone warrants a complaint.

CucumberCool · 11/12/2021 19:01

Please do put in a complaint.

It may be traumatic to put it all in writing again but there needs to be a record of it. It is always worth letting the higher-ups in the hospital know about these situations and there needs to be a written record to highlight what went wrong.

Big hugs OP, sending lots of positivity for the future.

HeyDugeesCakeBadge · 11/12/2021 19:01

Oh and just as a bit of a story, I was told that the heart palpitations and dizziness I was experiencing was anxiety without even being checked. Turns out I was severely anaemic and needed a blood transfusion - I had been complaining for months that I felt ill and had all the signs but I was another hysterical pregnant woman.

AncreneWisse · 11/12/2021 19:02

Your partner is correct. Please detail exactly as you have here.

Tangletester · 11/12/2021 19:03

Please complain. I was misdiagnosed with something 20 years ago, I still wish I had complained.

2TurtleDovesInARow · 11/12/2021 19:04

Do complain. Something needs to be done to prevent poor outcomes.

A friend of mine wasn't believed at 24 weeks and ended up giving birth to her son, who only survived hours, alone in a toilet. It was horrendous. She was a first time mum and assumed that if the midwives told her everything was okay it was.

Just10moreminutesplease · 11/12/2021 19:08

I’m so sorry OP. If you feel up to complaining, please do so. It won’t change your experience but it may help others in the future .

wigglerose · 11/12/2021 19:10

My friend who had a preterm birth was also massively disbelieved.
I don't get it. When I was pregnant (recently) the PAU barely listened to me before they asked me to come in.

Tronkmanton · 11/12/2021 19:11

I’m sorry you went through this. I went through very similar with my DS 16 years ago. What I can tell you is that steroids need to be given quite sometime before birth to make any difference. I don’t know how long but it’s definitely more than a few hours and could be days. There is also nothing they can do to stop you going into labour or even prolong it (unless things have radically changed) so at least you were in hospital & able to have a section. Therefore even if they’d realised earlier how imminent his birth was, there was little else they’d have been able to do, especially as he was breach. I found that a conversation with my consultant obstetrician was helpful as I was able to ask lots of questions about the way the birth was handled etc that put my mind at rest that little would have been different if they had ‘acted’ more quickly. Transfer to another hospital at birth is also pretty usual for premmies under 30 weeks unless you are lucky enough to give birth in a specialist hospital. The whole experience of a pre term birth, even with a good outcome, takes some time (years in my case!) to process. Definitely ask to discuss with your consultant.

Original poster

Candyss · 11/12/2021 19:20

@Tronkmanton I am fully expecting it to take a long time to process sadly. I think I'm more bothered about the way i was treated. Also, had I not listened to my own body, based on their advice i would of stayed at home and likely given birth to a 27 week footling breech baby. I should never have been put on the ward I was either nor transferred alone to explain myself what had happened, when I was traumatised and in shock, not really knowing myself. In some cases, pre term labour can be stopped or atleast prolonged. I will sadly never know if this could of been the case for me and if my son could of atleast been held off long enough for the steroids to of benefited him :( when I went in the day before they said everything looked fine without checking me properly. it saddens me to think if they had done everything they should of done they may well have noticed my cervix shortening and little man moving down.

OP posts:

PearandHoney · 11/12/2021 19:25

I am so sorry for your experience and hope your son is now doing ok.

I would recommend taking a look at the Birth Rights website for help with making a complaint. I think they also have an advice line. They are very helpful on matters exactly like this and will want to support you with making a complaint to the NHS Trust. Good luck.

QuornSausagesAreTheDevilsPenis · 11/12/2021 19:30

Complaining might not do anything to help you, but hopefully it will be a learning experience for the hospital and things can be changed to protect others in a similar situation to you.

bloodywhitecat · 11/12/2021 19:33

Put in a complaint. It won't change what happened to you but it might save someone else going through the same trauma. I am so sorry you were treated that way.

JingleJingleAllTheWay · 11/12/2021 19:36

@bloodywhitecat

Put in a complaint. It won't change what happened to you but it might save someone else going through the same trauma. I am so sorry you were treated that way.

I came on to say this.

I'm so sorry about your experience.

ComDummings · 11/12/2021 19:38

@bloodywhitecat

Put in a complaint. It won't change what happened to you but it might save someone else going through the same trauma. I am so sorry you were treated that way.

This is what I came on to say ^ I’m so sorry to hear about your experience

Anomelettefortheroad · 11/12/2021 19:38

Absolutely you should complain. I wish i had. That's the only way things will change.

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