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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I need to rant about Christmas

80 replies

Grinchmas123 · 11/12/2021 13:45

I just need to have a pointless vent about Christmas. Apologies got typos. On my mobile.

As someone who loves Christmas as its my favourite season I must have bumped my head because today I cannot understand it.

The amount of money spent on pointless shit is ridiculous. Also so is the feelings of obligation to visit people/relatives. It causes so much fucking stress for a lot of people it's unreal.

My top bug bears are:

  1. Present buying. When I was a child then whenever family visited you would recieve a present and smile and say thank you. It could be a crap box of chocolates from an aunt despite you not liking chocolate or a jumper from a grandparent you'd never dream of wearing.
Presents were a nice gesture and you just smiled and gracefully accepted. Anything genuinely wanted was a bonus to recieve.

Nowadays people actually text eachother saying "little Jimmy wants xyz this year" or "can you give money instead as their saving to buy xyz".
I think its so grabby!!
First of all for all you know, aunt Ethel could be planning to buy little Jimmy a £3 toy from the second hand shop and now you've asked for money she'll have to give at least £15 or whatever to not look stingy. Second of all I understand the argument of not wanting "waste" and asking for something wanted but if you felt like that and weren't grabby then why not just say "please don't give us any gifts this year, if you really must then donate to charity". That way Aunt Ethel can give her £3 to dogs trust or whatever without embarrassment.

Another annoying present bug bear of mine is money limits. So people may say "we spent £50 on eachother". Well then you might as well use your own £50 to buy yourself something you want.
It makes no sense. A couple both have £50 each to spend on eachother. She wants perfume and he wants fishing gear. Well then take your own £50 and buy it for yourself as you know what it is and exactly how much it costs! Why go through the pretence!

That's another part of the rant.. the pretence.. its like Oscar performances. People will nowadays outright ask for something they want for Christmas. So the buyer will go and buy it and wrap it up. The other person will then open it and act all happy/suprised. But you knew what you were getting? You asked for it? Why even wrap it up? Infact just go buy it yourself.

  1. Rant about obligation. The amount of people who dread having to visit in-laws, parents, extended family etc around Christmas. Spending little time off travelling, buying unwanted gifts and then sitting awkwardly at your husbands aunties kitchen table making small talk.
It's easy to say 'well don't go', but the guilt trips that go with it means that for a lot of people they then spend their time off sat at-home feeling guilty on Christmas for not playing along.

Also if you have parent/sibling etc with no one then you can't exactly feel happy to leave them on their own during Christmas while you cosy up with your own family. So you either end up hosting or visiting.

  1. Birthdays. This is slightly off topic. But I have 5 relatives Birthdays including my best friends the week before Christmas. They all get me lovely birthday presents so it's only right I do it in return. But spending £25 x5 = £125. That's before I've bought for anyones actual Christmas presents including theirs.
  1. The costs. This is my final part of the rant.
Just popping into the pound shop to buy wrapping paper, gift tags/bags and cellotape can cost part part of a tenner. The you've got your actual presents and all the food/drink. A way to avoid it is to spread the cost by buying in the sales throughout the year. But then you just end up having to think about Christmas the entire 12 months of the year. It ends up a burden of looking through sales in July instead of having it as 1 month of the year. What a joke for a holiday.

Needless to say if you have made it this far thank you for listening.

I am feeling very grinchy today after faffing about getting last bits at 7 months pregnant.

Next year I will be telling EVERYONE to just donate to charity and not get me a thing. Me and dp will have it just us and baby and not buy a single thing for anyone else including the kids, nor expect a thing in return. I already feel excitement just thinking about it! Feels very indulgent!

OP posts:
FrankGrillosWrist · 11/12/2021 13:55

Ah you've finally seen the light OP, your life will be so much better for it. I'm surprised that people still go along with the nonsense of it all.

TheLeadbetterLife · 11/12/2021 14:05

All that stuff is indeed a load of bollocks OP, it’s the worst part of Christmas.

I love Christmas too, but as a time for a long rest, a lot of feasting, walking and generally restoring the soul.

I don’t schlepp about visiting people - travel is more fun in the summer. I’ve long since sacked off all present buying.

I also delay the gratification - nary a mince pie will cross my lips until Christmas Eve. December is always the busiest work month, so it’s much more satisfying to hold off on the celebration until it’s all done.

Grinchmas123 · 11/12/2021 15:01

@FrankGrillosWrist @TheLeadbetterLife

I have indeed been lead up the garden path!
This will be my last year engaging in this nonsense!

Never again will I be spending Saturdays our shopping in the cold for tatt, or using up precious annual leave/relaxation time to lug myself up and down the country!!

I will be in with a baileys and my feet up! If anyone texts me asking for anything specific for little Jimmy they will be told that I've donated to a donkey sanctuary in some far flung country instead!

OP posts:
NavigatingAdolescence · 11/12/2021 15:03

Precisely why I haven’t done any of it for at least 12 years.

Do one family secret Santa gift and a few bits for DD. That’s it. It’s a massive consumer fest and I want no part of it.

FabriqueBelgique · 11/12/2021 15:19

I agree with you!

These days we only buy for the kids, and it’s items they will use and enjoy. No tat that’s just there to look at. Decent games, books, clothes, room things, life things, school things, Winter things, plus some Christmas consumables.

This helps reduce what they randomly need during the year, which helps keep the budget predictable.

NoSquirrels · 11/12/2021 15:23

Are you pregnant with your first baby?

Because whilst you’ll perhaps get away with it next year I suspect you’ll find opting out entirely is not going to be your future Grin

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 11/12/2021 15:29

I don't recognise your version of Xmas at all.

I don't buy for anyone except my kids, and nobody buys for us.

I set aside a fiver a week for the food shopping and have a direct debit set up for vouchers to get the kids presents, they arrive in November and all my shopoing is done in a one shot.

Since I had my oldest I've never invited anyone over to the house, nor been out anywhere.

I don't have anyone with birthdays in December, if I did I would pick up gifts through the year, like I do with the rake of birthdays I have in June.

I usually pick up wrapping paper in January for pennies.

Its easy to cut out the fuss from everyone else and have a lovely time, just takes a bit of a brass neck to put your foot down and keep it down, and a little organisation.

lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 11/12/2021 15:32

Totally with you. I drop out as much as possible. People think I’m miserable and grumpy. I am past caring!

beggingforsleep · 11/12/2021 15:34

Is it just that you now realise what Christmas is like for adults?

Holothane · 11/12/2021 15:38

Cut right down this year in-laws will be treated properly after Christmas when I get my pension lump sum, bathroom made off more important than crap I don’t really want, h has dressing gown, another bloody vape thing. Me I’m having books on kindle, I don’t want jewellery I won’t wear especially not this year(long story) I too am past caring.

SeasonFinale · 11/12/2021 15:44

Surely telling people to donate to charity is you being just as prescriptive though.

SlapBet · 11/12/2021 15:46

Presents are the worst part of Christmas in my opinion.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 11/12/2021 15:58

Surprised it's taken you so long to realise it's a load of old bollocks. I haven't travelled to any family or bought/been given presents for over a decade. I just ignore the whole thing. My sanity and bank balance are beautifully intact.

Laiste · 11/12/2021 15:59

I swore when DD1 was born that i would never leave the house on xmas day again and i have stuck to my guns.

That's 27 years and counting Grin

I don't find the present aspect too much of a chore. I like wrapping and no one in our circle expects £££ spent. So that's nice.

I have 4 DDs (3 big + 1 small)(small still believes in santa) and i buy for them obvs.
I buy for DH.
I buy for my mum. (dad no longer with us)
I buy a token present for two of the big DDs boyf's.

DDs have 5 cousins. We buy for them. 2 of these are always just steam vouchers.
I buy a token gift for DD4 to give her best friend at school.

I do all this in Oct. It takes about an hour on Amazon plus a trip to B&M.

The bit that stresses me out is the food! The big DDs all like to meet at ours and bring their BFs telling them it's a great meal ect. My mum lives with us. It's lovely that they all want to come, but i always feel the pressure of providing A Lovely Xmas Meal for 9+ people.

Isseywith3witchycats · 11/12/2021 16:06

I have told my children i do not want anything this year there is nothing i want or need, their presents have cost me £6 each and are things they want, there is an open invite to mine for dinner christmas day but no obligation they come because A i can cook and B because they want to come, my grandchildren get £10 each that way they can put together with other money and buy what they want the only surprise presents for other people are the two ladies i work with and as both of them like candles and chocolates they are easy to buy for and less than £10 each, i dont buy for adult friends or their children and they dont buy for me i dont stress over christmas any more

NecklessMumster · 11/12/2021 16:09

I feel your pain 're December birthdays...I have 4 children (relatives) with birthdays Christmas week so that's 4 birthday and 4 Christmas presents to buy for them. I have a Christmas saving account with the credit union that I withdraw in Nov each year. We don't visit anyone over Christmas and I sometimes feel envious of big family gatherings but I've read enough on mn recently to feel grateful now.

FleetwoodRaincoat · 11/12/2021 16:28

I hate it all too. We gave up doing present for extended family years ago, so I just buy something for my parents and my children (who are now grown up).

I like to buy a gift that they're not expecting - really dislike all that "here's my list, pick something from it to buy me" stuff. And that's it. Not much stress involved, 1 gift each.

And don't get me started on gift sets and advent calendars for adults!!

SoupDragon · 11/12/2021 16:32

don't get me started on gift sets and advent calendars for adults!

Realising that I've not opened the door on my chocolate advent calendar can be the highlight of my day 😂😂

oviraptor21 · 11/12/2021 16:49

The trick is to not go to town on it and not fall into the trap of feeling guilt for not meeting others' expectations.

I love our big family gathering and hosting friends over the Christmas period. I'm happy to do all the work associated with it.
I've pared back the presents and the travelling and am much happier and more relaxed as a result.

OfMinceAndMen · 11/12/2021 17:12

A lot of it is madness!
I buy for my husband and my mum only. On the day we have a simple turkey roast and will eat all of the leftovers. There's no excess and no waste. Our home is decorated very simply this year.
But, DH and I do have a rough spending limit (approx £150 each), and this year I've dropped a few hints. It's all stuff I would like but dont need. I wouldn't buy it myself and would just do without. For instance, I'm never buying myself a £10 box of champagne truffles. So it will genuinely be a nice treat for me to open my presents.

Legoisthebest · 11/12/2021 17:29

You don't have to buy 'pointless shit'. It's not compulsory. Why would anyone buy something that's pointless and/or shit? However it's then a bit of a contradiction if you say that people asking for specific presents is 'grabby'. Surely if someone gives gift suggestions (because that's what it is) getting that instead of something random (ie something that might be pointless to the recipient) is better.
I've never had an obligation to visit relatives - I've always wanted too. If you really don't want to go just say no. I've never bought 'unwanted' presents. Why would I do that? I only buy gifts that are from a suggestion list plus things I know the person likes (ie chocolate Santa type stuff). Within my family we don't all insist on spending X amount on each other because we know we have different financial situations so we don't have that whole "why don't you just but it yourself" issue.
If you don't like certain things about Christmas them change it. Do what you want. None of it is compulsory.

Legoisthebest · 11/12/2021 17:31

"buy it yourself" I meant to say. Not "but it yourself" !!

Holothane · 11/12/2021 18:43

I’m having about 50 quid on the kindle and I can wait Christmas Day I’ll buy loads of Moreland dynasties series.

Holothane · 11/12/2021 18:43

Meant can’t

lazylinguist · 11/12/2021 19:35

Is it just that you now realise what Christmas is like for adults?

Confused It really isn't like that for all adults!

• My Christmas shopping is all done online so no trailing around in the cold
• My family do exchange wish lists, but there are always plenty of items on there with scope for the buyer to use a bit of personal choice (colour, brand, type etc).
• We exchange presents with the same family members every year so we have a pretty well-established price level which we're all comfortable with.
• The result is that everyone's grateful and happy, nobody's disappointed and the presents are what people wanted but with an element of surprise.

Oh and on the matter of 'Bah humbug, I hate going anywhere at Christmas'..... I absolutely love staying with or hosting extended family at Christmas. We've only had Christmas at home just the 4 of us once and it was dull and a real anticlimax. Not doing that again (unless forced to by the pandemic!).

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