Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I need to rant about Christmas

80 replies

Grinchmas123 · 11/12/2021 13:45

I just need to have a pointless vent about Christmas. Apologies got typos. On my mobile.

As someone who loves Christmas as its my favourite season I must have bumped my head because today I cannot understand it.

The amount of money spent on pointless shit is ridiculous. Also so is the feelings of obligation to visit people/relatives. It causes so much fucking stress for a lot of people it's unreal.

My top bug bears are:

  1. Present buying. When I was a child then whenever family visited you would recieve a present and smile and say thank you. It could be a crap box of chocolates from an aunt despite you not liking chocolate or a jumper from a grandparent you'd never dream of wearing.
Presents were a nice gesture and you just smiled and gracefully accepted. Anything genuinely wanted was a bonus to recieve.

Nowadays people actually text eachother saying "little Jimmy wants xyz this year" or "can you give money instead as their saving to buy xyz".
I think its so grabby!!
First of all for all you know, aunt Ethel could be planning to buy little Jimmy a £3 toy from the second hand shop and now you've asked for money she'll have to give at least £15 or whatever to not look stingy. Second of all I understand the argument of not wanting "waste" and asking for something wanted but if you felt like that and weren't grabby then why not just say "please don't give us any gifts this year, if you really must then donate to charity". That way Aunt Ethel can give her £3 to dogs trust or whatever without embarrassment.

Another annoying present bug bear of mine is money limits. So people may say "we spent £50 on eachother". Well then you might as well use your own £50 to buy yourself something you want.
It makes no sense. A couple both have £50 each to spend on eachother. She wants perfume and he wants fishing gear. Well then take your own £50 and buy it for yourself as you know what it is and exactly how much it costs! Why go through the pretence!

That's another part of the rant.. the pretence.. its like Oscar performances. People will nowadays outright ask for something they want for Christmas. So the buyer will go and buy it and wrap it up. The other person will then open it and act all happy/suprised. But you knew what you were getting? You asked for it? Why even wrap it up? Infact just go buy it yourself.

  1. Rant about obligation. The amount of people who dread having to visit in-laws, parents, extended family etc around Christmas. Spending little time off travelling, buying unwanted gifts and then sitting awkwardly at your husbands aunties kitchen table making small talk.
It's easy to say 'well don't go', but the guilt trips that go with it means that for a lot of people they then spend their time off sat at-home feeling guilty on Christmas for not playing along.

Also if you have parent/sibling etc with no one then you can't exactly feel happy to leave them on their own during Christmas while you cosy up with your own family. So you either end up hosting or visiting.

  1. Birthdays. This is slightly off topic. But I have 5 relatives Birthdays including my best friends the week before Christmas. They all get me lovely birthday presents so it's only right I do it in return. But spending £25 x5 = £125. That's before I've bought for anyones actual Christmas presents including theirs.
  1. The costs. This is my final part of the rant.
Just popping into the pound shop to buy wrapping paper, gift tags/bags and cellotape can cost part part of a tenner. The you've got your actual presents and all the food/drink. A way to avoid it is to spread the cost by buying in the sales throughout the year. But then you just end up having to think about Christmas the entire 12 months of the year. It ends up a burden of looking through sales in July instead of having it as 1 month of the year. What a joke for a holiday.

Needless to say if you have made it this far thank you for listening.

I am feeling very grinchy today after faffing about getting last bits at 7 months pregnant.

Next year I will be telling EVERYONE to just donate to charity and not get me a thing. Me and dp will have it just us and baby and not buy a single thing for anyone else including the kids, nor expect a thing in return. I already feel excitement just thinking about it! Feels very indulgent!

OP posts:
JingleJingleAllTheWay · 11/12/2021 19:41

You are doing Christmas all wrong!!

50ShadesOfCatholic · 11/12/2021 19:42

😂

Yes, a consumer's Christmas is a farce. I don't subscribe to it either and we have a fantastic time.

Christmas as a child was magic. We wore our best clothes to church which was where we saw so many of our friends, them home to presents which was unbelievably exciting. It was as if they had arrived by magic, we had no clue as to what we would receive it how they arrived.

Lots of visitors spent the day with us and the atmosphere was amazing.

Grinchmas123 · 11/12/2021 19:44

@JingleJingleAllTheWay

You are doing Christmas all wrong!!
How should I do it? Please tell me your ways!!

I usually love Christmas. This year however I feel like I've woken up from a Christmas coma and look around like 'wtf?' 🤣🤣

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 11/12/2021 19:52

OP I can’t relate at all to your post.

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 11/12/2021 19:58

Yanbu. I'd much rather be inny in than outy out. Won't visit people I don't like. Will wear comfy stuff and be myself when people visit. Will buy food and drink I like and do things at my pace. I like the presents but not everyone dies, Fair enough. Make it relaxing and manageable for you OP.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 11/12/2021 20:01

OP why not put a bit of money away each month to cover the expense of Christmas?

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 11/12/2021 20:02

That's now we exchanged presents I don't know where this super sized present idea came from.
Imagine if people mostly brought from charity shops?
I have cut our list right down, I only buy for people l want too.
Which is mostly immediate family and one or two others.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 11/12/2021 20:05

I think trimming people is the way to go, I only buy for now adult DC, my DH and my DM. That’s what I’ve done for many years.

jendalin · 11/12/2021 20:08

When my children were younger, they used to receive so many presents from family and friends that they'd still be opening them up to NY. One year DH and I told everyone not to buy them anything but to donate to charity and we'd do the same. The result was that we gave nobody anything but gave a hefty donation to charity and everyone felt sorry for our children so still bought them presents. I was very embarrassed by this so the following year bought presents for everyone again, against DH's advice who felt that people should have listened to us!

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 11/12/2021 20:10

We put money away each month for Xmas I remember the first year we did this, about £10 a month, then more if we sold something some where.

Cryalot2 · 11/12/2021 20:13

We enjoy Christmas. With all that has happened its nice to have the house all like a grotto, ( despite the fact we have a broken kitchen floor and can't get anyone to replace until Jan )

We only buy a couple of gifts and send a few cards.

We stay at home and go for a walk with the dog at some stage.

It will be very hard for me this year for the empty chairs on boxing day. 😢.
But we will have a singalong round the piano and focus on the true meaning of Christmas.

Largethighsbadeyes · 11/12/2021 20:24

I don't give money and I don't take "requests" its just not how we do it in our family.

Every present is a surprise.

I'm lucky enough that I only buy for partner, my child, 3 nieces/nephews, brother, SIL and my parents. I spend enough time with them to know what they will like/what their interests are to be able to buy them presents they will like (OK I've missed the mark on SIL a few times but I get better as the years go on)

I don't buy for friends kids or extended family etc which would probably make it more difficult.

Part of the joy of Christmas for me is taking time to think about what people will like and then shop around. I like seeing their faces when they open their presents (no pretence)

My partners family however are all about lists of what they want, or money. I find it totally depressing 😕

My child writes a list for father Christmas but I've always told them they will get some things from the list but not everything so they are always surprised by what they do get and then they get a few things they haven't asked for which they need/will like so surpises again.

There's not much Christmas magic in "you give me 20 quid and I'll give you 20 quid back" is there?

Right there with you on the December birthdays though. Pain in the arse!!

Grinchmas123 · 11/12/2021 20:28

@CrimbleCrumble1

OP why not put a bit of money away each month to cover the expense of Christmas?
Like I said, setting up a savings pot dedicated to a frigging days holiday is madness! Saving all year around for a Bank Holiday shows commercialism at its worst!

Also, we can afford it. That really isn't the issue. Just because we can afford X amount doesn't mean its still mentally draining/hard work.

But I won't be doing it again after this year for sure!

OP posts:
Grinchmas123 · 11/12/2021 20:32

@Largethighsbadeyes

I don't give money and I don't take "requests" its just not how we do it in our family.

Every present is a surprise.

I'm lucky enough that I only buy for partner, my child, 3 nieces/nephews, brother, SIL and my parents. I spend enough time with them to know what they will like/what their interests are to be able to buy them presents they will like (OK I've missed the mark on SIL a few times but I get better as the years go on)

I don't buy for friends kids or extended family etc which would probably make it more difficult.

Part of the joy of Christmas for me is taking time to think about what people will like and then shop around. I like seeing their faces when they open their presents (no pretence)

My partners family however are all about lists of what they want, or money. I find it totally depressing 😕

My child writes a list for father Christmas but I've always told them they will get some things from the list but not everything so they are always surprised by what they do get and then they get a few things they haven't asked for which they need/will like so surpises again.

There's not much Christmas magic in "you give me 20 quid and I'll give you 20 quid back" is there?

Right there with you on the December birthdays though. Pain in the arse!!

Yes the "you give me x and I'll give you y" makes no sense to me whatsoever!
OP posts:
Grinchmas123 · 11/12/2021 20:33

@jendalin

When my children were younger, they used to receive so many presents from family and friends that they'd still be opening them up to NY. One year DH and I told everyone not to buy them anything but to donate to charity and we'd do the same. The result was that we gave nobody anything but gave a hefty donation to charity and everyone felt sorry for our children so still bought them presents. I was very embarrassed by this so the following year bought presents for everyone again, against DH's advice who felt that people should have listened to us!
This is exactly what od worry about! Everytime I've told someone not to buy for me they still do and I feel so embarrassed being empty handed!
OP posts:
llanfairfechan · 11/12/2021 20:35

I agree with you OP. It is part I think of a wider trend to upscale events, not just Christmas but events such as 'big' birthdays, weddings, hen and stag weekends, the list goes on.

Ted27 · 11/12/2021 20:43

For me Christmas is an opportunity to ' repay ' some of the generosity I receive from certain friends throughout the year. I enjoy looking for things they will enjoy, it could be a book, some luxury chocolates or biscuits, sometimes its a family gift, sometimes individual. This year I'm also chucking in some of my home made jam.
I probably spend more than they do but I don't think about the money. I know what I can afford and I like to treat them

CasaBonita · 11/12/2021 20:45

I really wanted to buy for our child and parents but we seem to have been roped in once again to buy for a dozen cousins. Pisses me right off. I'm not doing it again next year.

Babdoc · 11/12/2021 21:36

OP, I'm not surprised you are pissed off with Christmas, if all it means to you is spending a fortune on unwanted tat.
Why not restore your joy and sense of wonder, by re engaging with the actual point of Christmas- to celebrate the birth of Christ, the miracle of God being made flesh ?
Go to a magical Watchnight service at your local church. Listen to the gorgeous language of the King James bible readings as you hear the wonderful Nativity story. Feel the awe as midnight strikes in a candlelit church and you and the congregation celebrate together.
Go carol singing round your village streets in the frosty moonlight under the winter stars, sharing the joy of Christ with friends and neighbours.
Above all, feel the spiritual uplift, peace and happiness of Christmas! May God bless you and help you reconnect with His love.

Largethighsbadeyes · 11/12/2021 21:46

Why not restore your joy and sense of wonder, by re engaging with the actual point of Christmas- to celebrate the birth of Christ, the miracle of God being made flesh ?

You realise it originated as a pagan festival right?

Forion · 11/12/2021 21:47

We don't bother with it anymore. I got sick to death of the presents thing. Me and dh don't have the energy beyond making a roast meal now. I've told adult ds not to buy any presents. Sil resents us for not making a fuss and she sends stuff via amazon for the others (I'm persona non grata 😄), but dh never sends anything because we're not into consumerism.

nosyupnorth · 11/12/2021 21:55

Nope, I don't recognise the picture you're painting. Sounds like you're creating problems for yourself.

Phoenix76 · 12/12/2021 00:11

I agree op, really wish I didn’t. It’s not that you’ve created these situations, others have, strongly encouraged by effective marketing from companies no doubt desperate to recoup losses caused by the pandemic with a touch of sm.

All of what you describe is not what Christmas is about. The true meaning (and like it or not, it is a religious celebration) was about celebrating the birth of Jesus. It should reflect kindness, love, reflection (I’m not a church goer, I believe in something bigger than us though).

I have seen first hand how it’s morphed in to what you describe but the people with their lists of demands are ignored. It’s easy for people to get caught up with the consumerism (I have often found myself in a hypnotic state sometimes 🙈) even the damage we cause to the environment excels again this time of year. It would be amazing if we could regain the meaning of Christmas but I don’t know how it would happen, unless a child was born to a virgin again to remind us of God 🤷‍♀️

Phoenix76 · 12/12/2021 00:25

@Largethighsbadeyes

Why not restore your joy and sense of wonder, by re engaging with the actual point of Christmas- to celebrate the birth of Christ, the miracle of God being made flesh ?

You realise it originated as a pagan festival right?

This is true, it was indeed a pagan festival until the emperor Constantine converted to Christianity and they apparently worked out that it fell in nicely with when Jesus was born but the fact is, for many hundreds of years it has been a Christian celebration (Christ - mas) and I believe even pagans would be horrified at the goings on now celebrating winter solstice.
NowEvenBetter · 12/12/2021 01:47

Obviously it’s a pile of wank. You’ve put time and energy into posting an essay on it here, would you not rather sit and stare out the window or something? Hysterical masses hoarding consumer products, getting their cars washed after queuing for an hour, driving like they’re blindfolded, all for….? 😄